How does attachment influence self-esteem?

It seems that more and more parents and caregivers are becoming aware of the importance of first emotional bonds since they are fundamental to favor an optimal development of the children. The effects of attachment have been found to be lifelong and closely related to self-control, emotional dependence, decision making, dependency, and of course, self-esteem.

As we have commented, attachment influences the development of an individual in an integral way. However, in today's article, we will focus on the set of perceptions, assessments and appreciations that a person has about himself: self-esteem. What are attachment and self-esteem? Is it possible that my childhood ties are affecting my self-esteem today? Stick around to describe the answers to these haunting questions.

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What is attachment?

We owe the concept of attachment to the British psychoanalyst John Bowlby who, due to his great interest in the development childhood, he spent much of his life investigating children's emotional ties to their parents or caregivers main. Bowlby maintained that human beings are biologically programmed to form affective bonds with others. This author believed that the human species has managed to survive and develop adequately for both physically and mentally all these years thanks to the child's attachment to his parent or caregiver major.

From here arises the well-known Attachment Theory where it is stated that if for the newborn, the caregiver It is your stable and secure base, this will allow you to explore the world around you without fear or insecurities. However, the other side of the coin means that the child does not feel protected in her bond and can bring serious consequences both for the behavior and for the subsequent psychological development of the person.

In this regard, it is worth mentioning the interesting study carried out by the British psychologist with his professional partner Mary Ainsworth in 1978. In order to investigate the different types of attachment, they observed the behavior of a group of children when the mother was present with a strange person, when the mother left the room and the child had to stay with the stranger and finally, they observed what happened when the mother returned for a while after. This is where they managed to differentiate the 4 types of attachment:

• secure attachment: It can be said that this is the healthiest attachment style for the child and, of course, the future adult. The minor has the total certainty that the parent or caregiver will not fail or abandon him. That is, the parent or caregiver is able to offer the newborn enough security to establish a secure connection. In the experiment, the child explores her surroundings calmly and as soon as the mother leaves the room and stays with the stranger, she shows anxiety. However, when she returns, he recovers quickly and seeks physical contact with her mother.

• anxious/ambivalent attachment: Parental care does not generate enough peace of mind and this creates a lot of anxiety, uncertainty and, in short, insecurity. They develop a great fear of separation and do not usually explore their surroundings with confidence. Returning to the experiment, these children explore her surroundings but always looking at her mother and not moving too far from her. When the mother leaves the room, the child's reaction is intense, with exaggerated anxiety that does not subside when the mother returns. What is characteristic is that they express anger and even rejection when the mother returns to the room with them.

• avoidant attachment: The child does not feel that he is in a safe environment with his parents or primary caregivers. They avoid contact and develop emotional estrangement. This is perfectly seen in the experiment when they show complete disinterest in their mother, even at the moment of separation they show indifferent and when they return to the room, they do not greet her, ignore her attempts at contact, and generally act indifferent to her presence.

• disorganized attachment: This is clearly created by careless or careless behavior on the part of the caregiver. The child does not trust himself and it is common for the infant to have explosive reactions due to not knowing how to manage his emotions. These children in the study displayed disorganized and bizarre, blocking reactions both when the mother was in the room and out of it.

It is worth mentioning that although the type of childhood attachment affects adult life, this does not mean that it is immovable. Quite the opposite. As we mature and develop, the type of attachment changes and you may have had a disorganized attachment as a child. but due to the influence of the environment and your personal work, you have managed to establish a secure attachment with your friends, family and couple.

Relationship between attachment and self-esteem

Bowlby's theory explains in depth how essential and extremely important it is to create affective bonds of security and care from the birth of our children. How we interact with others, but also how we treat ourselves, our personal value and self-image are the result of the attachment relationships of our childhood. It is obvious since how can a person feel valuable, capable and with a good self-image if their parents or caregivers have never made them feel that way?

Parents have the great responsibility of giving their children, among many other things, good self-esteem and a key way to achieve this is with a good emotional attachment. It is very important that parents take care of hugging, massaging, and making use of physical contact to create the secure attachment that we discussed earlier. To establish this desired attachment with their children, parents must take care of them, protect them and create a environment in which they feel safe but at the same time can feel autonomous and with a personal identity. It's difficult but important to strike that balance between inviting them to explore, unleashing their creativity and allowing them to discover and express their personality and protect them so that they do not get hurt or happen to them something bad.

For it, experts advise setting a series of clear limits that serve as a guide for children. However, it is important to guide and accompany them in their emotional regulation, encouraging them to express what they feel to help them put words to their emotions and of course, validating everything they communicate. Primary caregivers must be responsive to their children's needs and understand them from the beginning. their perspective what they really need to be able to provide an answer adequate.

It is portrayed that secure attachment is the most appropriate to generate a correct integral development and high confidence. In fact, it is known that anxious attachment and low self-esteem are closely related, since having low self-confidence due to what they experienced in childhood with their attachment figures significantly affects their interpersonal relationships and their well-being emotional. In short, those anxiously attached individuals show fear of separation, lack of independence, insecurity in their relationships, and dependence on the approval of others. This of course translates into low self-esteem.

If you have felt identified with the description of anxious attachment and consider that your self-esteem is low, psychology experts affirm that To improve confidence and self-image, it is important to work on these areas and adopt strategies that can help combat this type of attachment and foster greater security and self-confidence..

We must learn to love ourselves, accepting ourselves as we are, with our mistakes and failures included. In addition, it is convenient to establish healthy limits in our relationships in order to avoid emotional dependence. One way to start working on these boundaries is to learn not to feel bad when we say "no." Likewise, resilience and self-care should be practiced as they are important skills for managing stress and difficult times in life.

Finally, seeking the help of a psychologist can be key in some cases in order to learn to manage anxious attachment and improve self-esteem. A psychologist is a good ally to identify the patterns of thought and behavior that are contributing to the anxious attachment that we often fail to see by ourselves. Accepting that we need help and seeking it is a great first step towards the journey of self-knowledge and self-esteem improvement.