The importance of social skills in children and adolescents

All adults need to use our social skills on a daily basis, whether it is to express a need to our boss, solve a problem with our partner, or empathize with the problem of a friend. When someone does not use appropriate social strategies, we notice it instantly.

These abilities are not innate, but we acquire them throughout our lives, beginning to take shape in childhood. The early situations that children face involve, yes or yes, relating to others, in spaces such as the family and school. However, the development of social skills does not end there: later, as adolescents, they will have to adapt to contexts of greater abstraction and complexity, also demanding in the use of strategies to relate to others and with myself themselves. Next, We will see what these skills are and why they are important for both the child and the adolescent to develop them.

What are social abilities?

Social skills are those behaviors that allow the person to express their own opinions, desires or attitudes according to the situation. Many authors agree that the ultimate goal of social skills is

interpersonal conflict resolution, so exercising them is vital for adaptation to the environment.

Generally speaking, a person with social skills can be seen as someone capable of communicating assertively. This would imply clarity when it comes to expressing your ideas and emotions, but also being able to listen to others and internalize what they have to say about a certain situation. On the other hand, a person who lacks some social ability can behave in an overwhelming or hostile way, imposing his ideas about reality over others; or, on the contrary, showing docile, that is, accepting the conditions imposed by other people even though they disagree with them.

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social skills in childhood

We are not born knowing how to communicate with others to resolve conflicts. Acquired through learning, childhood is a critical stage for teaching social skills. Of course, the way in which they develop are different, while the meaning that the child makes of the demands of the environment are different from those of the adolescent or adult.

Many interpersonal skills are observable in the family context or prior to the school term. Some very early practices, such as asking an adult why something is happening or expressing a certain need or preference before a certain element (for example, a meal or a toy), already denote that the child is making use of these skills. He also uses them when he manages to initiate or maintain a game situation with another child or adult, since this interaction involves exploring the limits of the rules of the game, or understanding the emotions of peers around the activity playful; something that will take the form of empathy.

Besides, he play with another it is more complex than it seems, since, different from the solitary game, this supposes symbolization and exercise of roles that make possible the understanding of the social world. In this way, it is important as adults to encourage children to participate in spaces for interaction and play.

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A set of skills needed for school

Then, the child will need to use social skills to function accordingly in school, so she will have to carry out Appropriate behaviors such as greeting, asking and answering questions, criticizing and praising, expressing opinions or resisting group pressures. These social skills are of such importance since the child, during this stage, is capable of establishing friendly relations as long as he has developed a concept of himself with respect to others. In this sense, a key indicator of social skills is a child sharing toys or food with other children (which, oddly enough, is a skill they pick up before they even go to school).

Cooperation is essential to understand if a child is accepted or not by her peer group, and that is why they learn when actions such as aggressiveness are acceptable or not. For this reason, some children who have not developed cooperative skills tend to constantly aggress and be rejected by others. others, in contrast to those who use their social skills to defend themselves against others, start new friendships, maintain them, and resolve conflicts. Social skills are, consequently, vital for adaptation to the school context.

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Social skills to face the challenges of adolescence

For their part, adolescence requires more complex social skills since their challenges are different: they adopt critical attitudes regarding social norms, they face the demand of adults for more appropriate behaviors, and the interaction with peers acquires a leading role in this stage.

The adolescent configures her identity by interacting with his peers, seeking social acceptance and belonging to the groups in which he participates. Based on these characteristics, scientific research has shown that social skills such as consideration others, self-control in social relationships and leadership are key to adapting to the challenges of this stage.

An adolescent who finds it difficult to bond with others may be particularly withdrawn, adopting this alternative, being unable to establish limits with respect to her peers. On the other hand, the aggressive behaviors of some adolescents also denote insufficient social skills such as emotional regulation or empathy. An adolescent who behaves in such a way could be intolerant of another having an opinion different from his or her own, becoming quickly angry or responding in a hostile manner, without considering the consequences that such behavior could bring.

Therefore, as adults it is important to favor moments of dialogue with adolescents during this stage of development so that they notice the dynamics of their behaviors. Likewise, a psychotherapy process could help the adolescent to develop social skills to improve their interpersonal relationships.