Possessiveness in the relationship

Any healthy relationship requires respect and personal independence for both partners, but this is not the case if one of them is possessive. We define a possessive person as one who understands the relationship as a couple from her own authority, with a sense of exclusive belonging. What at first could be considered a show of love gradually means a failure in the relationship that is difficult to overcome.

Therefore, it is necessary to differentiate between love and possessiveness. Love is characterized by a desire to share, by a trust and for a space of freedom for each member, while in possessiveness distrust, selfishness and jealousy appear, one of great threats in relationships, since it is a self-destructive feeling related to distrust, unsafety, the fear.

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Possessiveness and its impact on courtship and marriage

At first possessive people are charming, they tend to be close and flattering people, but little by little they become demanding, domineering, distrustful, selfish with a great lack of empathy, jealous, self-centered, absorbing, with rigid thinking and low intelligence emotional. They are governed by their own needs and exercise control to achieve the security that suits them. lack, always from an imposing position and are not aware of the toxicity they bring to the relationship.

The possessive will always distrust his partner asking for explanations about what he does, where he goes and with whom, he will strengthen her position based on weaken his partner's, he will try to nullify his achievements, he will not hesitate to opt for manipulation or blackmail so that he ends up making his own Will and will make the partner guilty of any situation to reaffirm their dominant position. The controlling attitude can reach progressively higher heights by intervening in their networks social, separating her from her friends and/or relatives, monitoring her mobile phone and a long etc. Such a relationship can only lead to a feeling of unhappiness, anguish and frustration.

One of the causes that generates this behavior is found in the insecurity that the person has suffered in their early childhood, due to to situations of abuse or abandonment by their relatives, which has caused them to develop a great need for acceptance and keen. His low self-esteem and emotional dependence make him hold his partner responsible for his happiness, so that instead of loving free clings to the other and if he considers that he does not make him happy he can be dominated by anger causing painful episodes for both parts.

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Problematic relational dynamics

The partner of the possessive person does not feel free to express themselves or act as they wish, they are under the constant control of the other, they are afraid of her reactions, they feel that the relationship with him is toxic and unbalanced because he notices that he gives much more than what he receives, he suffers from his selfishness, lack of empathy and from the rejection that he inflicts on him, and used to feeling trapped in the relationship.

These types of relationships are an obstacle to happiness and personal growth. To establish a healthy relationship it is essential to be assertive, not afraid to say no, to set limits to mark our individuality and independence. People are not objects, but beings with freedom and dignity. The sense of ownership exercised by a jealous person should never be tolerated. Unlike attachment, which generates relationships of dependency and leads to control, love is disinterested, free, and stimulates the growth of the couple.

If you feel that you are in a vicious circle from which it is difficult for you to get out, do not hesitate to go to a professional, who will help you activate your resources. personal relationships, identify destructive patterns, overcome affective attachment, strengthen your self-esteem, develop assertiveness and have goals own.