Nacho Coller: "I thought that being a psychologist would control my depression"

Nacho Coller is one of the most interesting voices in Spain in the dissemination of Psychology.

His light-hearted and close style of explaining his experiences and opinions regarding his life and his profession as a psychologist have led him, in addition to the Clinical and Sports Psychology, to collaborate in numerous media both in the press and on the radio, as well as to develop a facet as a lecturer and trainer. He currently collaborates weekly in the psychology section of the program Point Direct on the Valencian television channel to point, with Caroline Ferre.

Recently, Coller has published the book A tortoise, a hare and a mosquito, in which he talks about different aspects of the necessary philosophy of life that leads us to be mere spectators of our lives. It shows basic principles of psychology explained through a format, sometimes autobiographical and sometimes imagined, full of humor and timely reflections.

• Related article: "The 6 differences between sadness and depression"

We interviewed Nacho Coller, psychologist and disseminator

In this interview, Nacho Coller talks to us about different aspects related to mental health, also explaining what his first-person experience of depression was like.

Psychology and Mind: Your book is characterized, among other things, by displaying a very personal sense of humor. Do you think that psychologists are missing this more one-on-one treatment in their way of disseminating beyond therapy?

Nacho Coller: Well, I think so. One of the things that most reinforces the figure of the psychologist and that the staff appreciates the most is authenticity, coherence and showing a certain vulnerability, that is, showing ourselves to be human. I believe that the fact of disclosing psychology with an accessible and fresh language without losing sight of rigor normalizes psychology and brings it closer to the general public. We have to bet on a psychology available to everyone.

In the book you explain several keys to turn the page and stop obsessing over the problems of the past. For example, learning to live without grudges or assuming that no one is perfect. Of all of them, which would you say is the most important?

I'll take two. Assuming that reaching perfection is a delusion that leads to frustration and living under the umbrella of anxiety; and know how to turn the page and cut with those situations or people that cause us discomfort. Of the latter, the word forgiveness has a determining role, both when it comes to forgiving ourselves and when learning to excuse others. Without sincere forgiveness there is no life satisfaction.

You also talk about resilience, our ability to overcome adversity. Do you think that this is a skill that usually appears spontaneously and almost without realizing it in many people, or is it necessary to have consciously learned about how to manage one's own emotions?

I believe that there are many people who do not need to consciously work on managing emotions. For example, without going any further, the number of people who fight for their survival and who are capable of crossing a sea full of dangers and a thousand borders, who live together or have lived with death, with pain, with rape and with the worst of the human species, and even so, they are capable of maintaining a smile, of showing generosity helping those they have by his side; they are able to live.

I don't think any of these people have done conscious work or signed up for an emotion management course, they have just kept fighting, they have fought for a dream, they have fled from hell, they have opted to live a slightly better life and the fact of getting going and facing the vicissitudes of life has made them bring out the best in themselves themselves. I would bet on the motto, more life and less mind and obviously more life with a meaning.

Have you ever told that you suffered from depression? How does a psychologist who has gone through such a delicate stage of his life feel?

Well, I went through different stages. The first, in which the first symptoms began due to excessive stress that went haywire into championship insomnia (she slept two, three or four hours every day), of disbelief with a "it can't be what is happening to me, that this is passenger". I thought I would control my depression, that's why I was a psychologist. That mistake.

The second stage was that of silence with shades of shame and a lot of guilt (what will they think of me? What a professional you are! You're a loser!).

Sadness, insecurity, underground self-esteem, some problems at work, crying in silence (some Men are such idiots), blocks and irritability among other negative symptoms, led me to ask for help professional. In the third stage of this process, at the end of the depression, I accepted that I was not superman, I took medication, I transferred my discomfort to the people around me, my friends and my family, I got going and got hooked again with the life.

I had a terrible time at that time, but I tell you what, one of the best things that have happened to me in my professional and personal life (in my case the two are very close) came after that depression. The day I published an article in which I narrated my experience, I think I closed a stage and some pending account with myself. Do you know something? When you show your vulnerability you become stronger, and I believe that today I am a better person than I was before.

In the problems related to the symptoms of depression, do you think that the person who suffers is still blamed a lot for it, as if they were not trying hard enough to overcome it?

That's right, this is a classic in many relatives or friends of people who are suffering from depression and our obligation as psychology professionals is to disclose just the opposite, that it is not that they do not want to or do not make an effort, it is that they do not can. The culture of effort is fine for the world of business and life, but I like the culture of gratification and reinforcement better.

Problems like depression are usually talked about in such a way that it seems that what is wrong is isolated within the person, as if the context in which they live does not matter. What aspects of our society do you think have the most power to promote the appearance of depressive symptoms?

But if the context is very important. Not having a decent salary, not being able to make ends meet, living in a work environment in which the boss or colleagues make life impossible for one, the accelerated pace of life that we lead, the excessive pressure from certain neoliberal spheres in which individualism is sold as a formula to be happy, the denial of suffering and the hundreds of slogans of everything to a hundred that you have to be happy at any cost and if you don't get it you are a failed.

By the way, there is another factor that favors depressive symptoms; listening to electrolatino or reggaeton, this is not good for mental health. His music dries up my meninges and his lyrics are embarrassing...

What is your opinion of antidepressant drugs and their effectiveness in treating depression?

I have never liked to enter into the yes or no drug dynamic, just as I have never liked to fall into the demonization of antidepressants. My opinion coincides with what the WHO indicates; in the face of mild depression, practice sports and put yourself in the hands of a psychology professional, neither more nor less. Faced with mild-moderate depression without functional repercussions, psychology; and when the depression is moderate - severe with functional repercussions, a combination of drugs and therapy. Regarding the model of Therapy to use, I recommend the Acceptance and commitment therapy ACT has excellent results.

In your book, you also talk about "tiny people." Do you think that most of us are capable of recognizing them, or do we tend to act as if they were not, even rewarding their negative attitudes?

Well, look, I think we do recognize them to a large extent, what happens is that living with them is very complicated and they can screw up your life. Think about your workplace, that you have a colleague, or several like that, or a boss; they can burn or kill you emotionally and psychologically.

The tiñosos are petty people, who live with complaints, negative, spiteful, who have a gray and hollow life, who always go with a loaded shotgun waiting for the failure of others, who love to speak ill of others behind their backs, whose motto is I'm wrong if you're fine, and I'm fine if you're evil; These guys or girls are a time bomb that it is good to detect in time and learn to distance yourself from them. And it is not easy to escape from them.

You are somewhat right in the question because on many occasions, especially at the beginning of a relationship, we laugh at him. thanks to the tiñoso, be it out of social courtesy, because they catch us off guard or because we all have a little dot tiñosillo.

Using positive humor is a good tool to get bogged down as little as possible, and if you can run away and distance yourself, all the better.

Finally, and focusing on Spanish society, what idea do you think is worth claiming in regards to our way of managing our own emotions?

Accept your own imperfections and those of others, bet on positive humor and be generous with those around you, gratify and recognize the advances of the people you love, show gratitude, be kind and condescending to yourself and others others, accept that we are not supermen and that suffering is part of life and finally, live life with passion and with intensity; that life is very cool and is full of fantastic people even though sometimes it really sucks on us.