Emotional self-regulation: what it is, and strategies to enhance it

Although in recent decades the population has become more aware of the importance of emotional intelligence, the skills related to it do not always end up being applied.

Among the most important we have emotional self-regulation, fundamental to be able to face in an efficient, socially non-disruptive or individually harmful way, all kinds of situations that alter us emotionally.

Next we will see this idea in more depth, three types of strategies that are found within emotional self-regulation and ways to improve it in childhood, adolescence and adulthood.

• Related article: "What is emotional intelligence?"

What is emotional self-regulation?

It can be understood as emotional self-regulation the ability to manage emotions optimally. That is, it is a construct encompassed within intrapersonal emotional intelligence that allows us to transform a potentially stressful and emotionally disruptive into something that, while still unpleasant, we understand to be fleeting, impersonal, and controllable. Having good emotional self-regulation implies being able to identify what happens to us, monitor its progress and intervene on it so that it ends up disappearing.

Based on this definition, the importance of having this capacity well developed is understandable. It allows us to face all kinds of life situations that we want or do not involve a series of emotional experiences. When something happens to us, we have a previous emotional state and, based on the characteristics of that event, our state can change positively or negatively.

We do not give the same response to the same event when we are calm as when we are angry. If we are under pressure, it is foreseeable that we will give an inefficient response, which will frustrate us and cause us to suffer more anxiety. On the other hand, if we are more relaxed, we may think in a colder, more calculating and efficient way, giving an adaptive response to the problem, whatever it may be.

Emotional self-regulation would imply that, even if we were in an undesirable state of mind for the situation in which we find ourselves, we would know how to manage this emotionality. That is to say, It involves being able to analyze yourself, decrease the degree to which feelings give you sudden ups and downs, and redirect your energy towards a more adaptive goal. For example, if we are angry, instead of starting to destroy street furniture, a good option is to channel that energy and play sports while in that state.

The modal theory of emotions

For some time now, there have been theories within psychology that have insisted on defending the idea that emotions are completely automatic and inevitable processes. That is, no matter how much training we think we have: emotions appear and there is no way to control them. If you are angry, you will hardly be able to reduce that feeling and think coldly about how you feel. However, this is not the idea behind the construct of emotional self-regulation.

The idea of ​​emotional self-regulation is based on the modal theory of emotions. This considers that emotions are not instinctive reactions, but that they occur for different reasons, such as the context, the predisposition of the person And this is where the idea of ​​self-regulation would come in, the individual's ability to moderate her mood.

According to the model, emotions imply a process that begins when an emotionally relevant situation appears. This may originate from within the person, as they may have remembered an unpleasant experience, or may be experiencing an emotionally tense situation. Then, the person directs their attention to that emotional event, evaluating and interpreting what happened at a cognitive and emotional level. From here the response is produced, which will mobilize emotional, mental and behavioral elements.

Depending on the model, it is possible to intervene on this process. Although there will be something that activates us emotionally, it is our capacity for self-regulation that will make our thoughts, emotions secondary to the event and behavior different from those that could occur if we did not control ourselves.

• You may be interested in: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

Emotional regulation strategies

There are many emotional self-regulation strategies, and each person, as long as they do it in a functional and adaptive way, can apply their own. However, the most frequent are the ones you will see below.

1. thought suppression

This strategy consists, as its name suggests, in suppressing the thoughts that cause us discomfort. Thus it seeks to change the emotional state, leaving the unpleasant situation and going to one, imagined or real, that does not cause us so much stress.

For example, if we think of a negative comment someone made to us today at work, which puts us in a very bad mood, bad mood, the alternative would be to try to focus your attention by listening to music or imagining a beautiful landscape.

Although this strategy is very common, simple and cheap, not effective in the long term. It is true that it offers temporary relief, but usually the thoughts that you were running away from end up coming back with more force.

2. emotional reconsideration

The strategy of emotional reconsideration, or reappraisal, It consists of modifying the way in which we interpret a situation to try to change the impact it has on our emotional state..

For example, if we have just broken up with our partner, it is clear that we are going to feel negative feelings such as sadness, uncertainty or fear of not finding love again.

However, through the reappraisal we can reconsider the situation, seeing its positive side. For example, in this specific case, we can see that breaking up with that person is an advance, since we stop having a ballast in our lives that prevents us from developing as full and happy.

Emotional reconsideration is one of the most effective and adaptive emotional self-regulation strategies. In fact, it is very recurrent in cognitive-behavioral therapy.

3. cognitive distancing

Cognitive distancing It consists of taking an independent and neutral position towards the event or emotional situation that alters us.. Thus we are able to reduce its impact on our mental state, and it is easier to choose the answer we want to give.

This is complicated, but to achieve it what is done is to refocus our emotional state, calm down and think coldly what kind of response we want to give. Basically, cognitive distancing helps us avoid making bad decisions in the heat of the moment.

How to improve this skill?

Based on what has been seen, it is clear that good emotional self-regulation is a protective factor against psychopathology, as well as avoiding problems at a social and work level. For example, having a good ability to prevent our feelings from controlling us when arguing with your partner or your boss are ways to avoid breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend or ending up unemployed, respectively.

We'll see now useful ways to improve emotional self-regulation both in childhood, adolescence and adulthood.

In the childhood

An ideal time to work on this ability is childhood, given how flexible children are and their ability to learn easily. Teaching them to regulate their emotions so early will help them to have a better management of them in the educational and social context., avoiding poor academic performance and having conflicts with other children.

The first thing to do is teach them to identify what feelings they are feeling at all times. Children often have a lot of trouble being aware of their emotions. For this reason practicing deliberately to realize it can be truly useful, always starting from a state of relaxation.

What can be asked of them is to dramatize intense emotions, such as sadness, anger, fear... The idea is to make them manifest these feelings in a safe and controlled way., so that when they come in real life, they can identify them and manage them.

in adolescence

Although they have a greater ability to recognize emotions than children, adolescents can also have trouble mastering this ability. This is because, despite having more cognitive abilities, adolescence is a turbulent period, where emotions are on the surface.

A good way to make them aware of their emotions is to have them write a journal or put up a calendar of emotions.. In the diary they can write how they have felt each day, putting what triggered the emotion, how have reacted and what they have done to control it, while in the calendar they represent with colors what they have sense.

Both the calendar and the emotional diary are used for the adolescent to analyze, through the strategy of cognitive distancing, your mood after the fact, and ask yourself questions such as "Was it useful to feel like this?", "What have I learned from this?", "Why couldn't I control myself?"

in adults

Adults have a much greater ability to identify their feelings, although there are always those who still do not present adequate emotional self-regulation.

Likewise, in adulthood we play with certain advantages. One is that since emotions are not so intense we can control ourselves better. The other is that since the ups and downs occur less frequently, self-regulation is not a capacity that seems so useful to us. first and we consider that, either by inertia or simply by avoiding unpleasant situations, we have the situation under control.

But despite these supposed advantages, we really need to improve and a lot. Emotional self-regulation, as we said before, serves as a control factor for all kinds of unpleasant situations that, on many occasions, we cannot avoid: are we really going to control ourselves if we yells the boss How will we respond when our partner tells us that he has cheated on us? what if we have cancer?

These situations are going to involve a strong emotional response, and the way we respond can be vital. Learning to respond in a calm, cold and responsible way may be what makes us enjoy a happy life, whether our partner is by our side, we are fired or the disease worsens.

Accepting that we are emotional roller coasters and that unforeseen events happen in life is the first thing. It is difficult, but it is also an easily observable reality. How we feel may not change the severity of our fate, but the way in which we are going to live it.

In fact, many therapies focused on cancer patients focus on doing everything possible so that the patient learns to modulate their emotions. This makes sense considering that these types of patients have a 5-year longer life expectancy if they receive psychotherapy.

Going to a consultation, learning to control your emotions and applying it in your daily life is what makes them more favorable to respect all the treatment, not to be carried away by the fear of death and despair. They control themselves, and enjoy the process, to the extent that they can.

Bibliographic references:

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