What does it mean to dream about your ex?

In psychology there has always been an interest in knowing the meaning of dreams. Authors such as Freud and Jung tried to elucidate what the symbols that each one can see in their own dream world could represent.

Many patients, concerned about what they have witnessed while immersed in this world that only seems to appear in the depths of the dark night, wonder: What does it mean to dream about your ex?

Although this does not necessarily mean that we are obsessed with our exes, it does indicate that it may have certain implications, which we will see below.

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What does it mean to dream about your ex-partner?

As Calderón de la Barca said several centuries ago, 'life is a dream and dreams are dreams', that is, our daily reality and the world that is projected when we go to sleep are not so far apart of the other. They seem to interact in one way or another, being the daytime needs and desires, but subconscious, represented in a more symbolic way in our dreams.

Psychoanalysis, from the hand of authors such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, tried to elucidate the possible meaning of the dream world, looking for any clue that explain both the psychopathology of his patients and possible problems whose cause did not appear to be earthly. They came to the conclusion that dreams represent aspects of our lives that are stored in the subconscious, and that we cannot find a solution to them while we are awake.

This is why dreaming of an ex can be interpreted as something especially worrying, especially if we are already dating a new partner. The fact that our previous boyfriend or girlfriend appears to us in a dream, as if it were a ghost, causes us fear because we can interpret it as an indicator that we are not comfortable with our partner or that we are still in love or even obsessed with our previous relationship.

Although psychoanalysis has contributed to psychology taking shape, and its vision of the dream world is made from a perspective relatively scientific, there is no empirical evidence that the psychoanalytic postulates about dreams are true, although, of course, they are. interesting.

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When does it become worrying?

Dreaming of an ex is not as dramatic as it might seem at first. Although it can be interpreted as a sign that we do not have that relationship that is over, the truth is that These types of dreams are very common, even when we are happily married or married to the love of our life. There are many reasons that can be behind this phenomenon, without necessarily being a matter of concern.

The problem comes when these types of dreams become very frequent. We are not talking about that, at a specific moment, while we are sleeping, we dream of that girlfriend or boyfriend of the institute, our first love, the first kiss or the last time we saw one of our previous relationships. Repeatedly dreaming of an ex is synonymous with the fact that something could go wrong with our current partner, and we should try to find a solution.

The main reason may be that, being in the current relationship, We feel emotional deficiencies or we are going through love problems, which make us think of relationships that, although they already had their outcome, these, at some point in their history, were happier than the situation in which we find ourselves now.

However, there is another reason that is radically opposite to the previous one. The reason why our ex appears to us in dreams is not because we are living in a relationship current worse than the previous one, but the end of our previous love affair ended so badly that there are still wounded by heal. The outcome was so disastrous that, despite the fact that we do not want that relationship to arise again, we do believe that we need to settle things well, in a healthy way for both former members of the couple.

Another reason why these types of dreams appear is insecurity. It is normal that, when you start dating a new partner, the relationship is not seen as something stable, despite the fact that love comforts us pleasantly and we live in a world of fantasy and color. The ghosts of past relationships and their failure, be it milder or more tragic, is something that influences our way of starting a new relationship. Memories of our previous partners appear and make us think that, perhaps, this relationship will fail.

These memories make us aware of the little success our previous relationships had., no matter how healthy its end was, they surface while we sleep, as an indicator that we are aware of the relationship and that there are chances that it will not go well. This can be bad, since it can make us believe that relationships are not our thing and that we will end up alone sooner or later. early, or very good, since it invites us to be cautious and avoid making the same mistakes as in the previous.

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Dreaming of your ex making love

Although you can dream of an ex in multiple ways and in various contexts, copulating with him or her is something that especially draws the attention of the individual who has had the dream. Given the obvious sexual nature of the dream, doubts about how satisfied or satisfied you are in bed with your current partner are not delayed.

But, really, the meaning of this type of dream, more than the simple fact of being sexually uncomfortable with the current partner or that the previous relationship gave more pleasure in bed than with we are dating now, it is a little more deep. It can mean that you long to be intimate with that personAlthough it may be true that a part of us wants to consummate our most sexual and carnal desire. However, it can mean that we are not sexually satisfied with our current relationship.

It is normal to have erotic dreams with an ex, since that person has not passed through our lives like anyone else. That person offered us stimuli, both sexual and of another type but pleasant, which, at the moment the relationship broke up, have ceased to be received. These stimuli, as if it were a drug, had hooked our brain. Being alone or with a new partner, we must try to accustom our mind to live without the sensual stimuli of the previous relationship.

your ex and someone else

Dreaming of an ex while making love is something that worries you, but it turns out to be much more distressing to dream of that same person but while doing so with his new partner. It disgusts, in most cases, to imagine how our ex, with whom we shared so much and that we gave him a lot of privacy, now he lives in the most intimate way possible with another person who, simply, we are not us.

We continue to maintain, unconsciously, a link of relevance to that former, despite the fact that the relationship has already been broken and, in truth, we are now linked to different people. Although we consciously know that we are not dating him or her, the feeling of seeing him or her with another person is jealousy.

What can we do?

As we were already saying, dreaming of an ex does not necessarily mean something bad, but it does not hurt to try to see what is the origin of this dream, especially if it becomes something recurring and causes us discomfort once we open the eyes eyes.

If the reason why our ex appears to us in dreams is that we consider that the relationship It could have ended in a better way, it is not a bad option to try, after a while, to meet him again or she. Time is necessary so that, in the event that the break was especially traumatic, the most superficial wounds heal while those that we want to solve will become the reason why we want to see that person again.

It should be said that if you try to take this path, two situations can occur: either that our ex does not want to know anything about us or that something has happened to him. similar, who wants to find a definitive and healthy solution to the tension and stay as friends or, at least, as adults who are capable of talking and fixing problems. issues.

On the other hand, if the cause of all this is insecurity or a situation of special tension is being experienced with the current relationship, the best option is go to couples therapy. Whether due to some type of dissatisfaction in bed, or conflicts of various kinds, the best way to avoid comparing our relationship with a previous while asleep is to go to a professional, and explain the content of the dreams, relating them to the situation in which the couple.

It is possible that, depending on the psychological current of the professional, he opts for a more symbolic vision, as does psychoanalysis, or he approaches it in a more scientific, focusing on couple dynamics, presenting therapeutic programs that will take place both in consultation and at home or the space shared by both lovers.

Bibliographic references:

• Frígola, v. b. (2000). Ortega, Freud, psychoanalysis and the interpretation of dreams. Journal of the History of Psychology, 21(2), 631-658.