How can I learn to manage my anger? Psychological strategies

All people feel anger at some point. Sometimes for different reasons but anyone feels it. It is something normal and common. Like each and every one of our emotions it has a function. And although it may be unpleasant, it comes to tell us something. So, If we learn to use it to our advantage, it will help us discover what bothers us and what we don't like and be able to set limits..

So, if it is normal and helps us set limits, where is the problem? Well, sometimes we simply don't know what to do with our anger. I mean, I got angry, and now what do I do? We can choose between acting well or badly and anger is an emotion that is difficult to control. Some people know how to keep it under control, but others find themselves swept away by it with everything it entails.

When should we do something?

If we see that the reason that has angered us makes us react disproportionately and we feel it very intensely. It can also draw our attention if we feel it very frequently and for small things. When we express our anger inappropriately, losing control, or doing or saying things that later make us feel bad about ourselves.

When it constantly causes problems in our interpersonal relationships. No matter how unpleasant it may be, the goal is not to never feel it, because that is not possible, but to learn to manage it.

• Learn to understand what your emotion is telling you. Why have I gotten angry? Do I have reasons? Sometimes if we think about it, perhaps we have no reason to be angry or, at least, to give it so much importance.

• Try to calm down inside: Let the feelings pass.

• Don't keep your anger inside and express it, but not just any way is fine.: Firmly, but without aggression, is the healthiest way to manage it. The goal when we are angry is to make clear what our needs are and how to meet them without harming others. The key is being able to respect yourself and others. This will also help your relationships improve.

• Talk about yourself in the first person: And don't point the finger at the other person, as this makes the other person defensive because it feels like an attack and often only serves to increase tension. This helps to be clear and at the same time respectful and you are talking about yourself and your feelings with what the other person does.

• Choose the time and place: We see that expressing our anger is the healthy way to do it, but we also have to understand when it can be a good moment both for us and for the person we are going to express it to and the circumstances surrounding the situation. Sometimes it can be good to move away from it a little and return to it at another time where both people are open and receptive to dialogue and listening, if not, there will be no point in expressing it.

• Pay attention to non-verbal language: Our body also speaks, so even if we feel that our anger is no longer as intense, perhaps our face, gestures or postures still show that we are still angry. Doing something that we are sure will help us, such as walking, cooking, taking a shower, reading... can help completely eliminate signs of anger in us.

• Think about what you need: If you really want to finish managing your anger, look for what you really need, what you think would relieve you, and do something; talk to that person, make a decision, rest, tell your boss that you can't continue staying longer hours, tell your partner that You don't want to go every Sunday to eat at your family's house and do something yourself or your friend that you don't like to do. plan. Because there are times when our anger comes from droplets that have been filling a glass and by doing or saying something in time we can avoid reaching that point.

"Anyone can become angry, that is very simple. But getting angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, with the right purpose and in the right way, that is certainly not so simple.” - Aristotle -