The age difference as a factor of abuse in relationships

Power relations are defined as relationships based on a notable inequality of factors such as power, control or authority, generally derived from the difference in age, knowledge and experience. In this type of relationship it is common for one of the individuals to exercise dominance and control over the other person involved, this type of relationships are abusive, and therefore harmful, to a greater extent, for the one who is subjected and checked.

They can be identified in various contexts: personal, work, political or social, in the present article will address the characteristics and consequences of abusive power relationships as a couple.

The romanticization of abuse

However, The worrying thing about this type of abusive relationships is their normalization and romanticization in society. current situation, being the main factors why this type of abusive relationship generally happens unnoticed. There are many opportunities for disadvantage that can arise in a relationship based on control, manipulation and dominance over the other, as mentioned, They are generally due to the difference in age, maturity, resources, experience or knowledge of some aspect that serves to put pressure on the other. person.

Relationships must be based on respect, mutual admiration, love, passion and assertive communication so that they can develop. appropriately, since the main intention of a relationship is attraction and the idea of ​​sharing moments of life with that chosen person.

When the foundations on which a relationship develops are altered by one of the parties, it can become an abusive relationship, such as power relationships. While it is true that not all relationships based on a certain power difference are bad, as they could be in the workplace or political sphere where leadership must be accentuated; couple relationships that have these bases are, due to their nature.

The origin of an abusive relationship is the exercise of violence, whether physical, psychological, verbal or sexual, on the other party involved. The above means that these relationships can develop and become abusive in any context and as a result of any noticeable difference; for example, in a relationship between a man and a woman, where there is a notable age difference, a factor from which other more important differences such as maturity, earning power, relationship roles, experience and physical strength, for example mention a few.

Consequences of power relations

Once the power relationships are defined, let's talk about their consequences and delve into what they look like. The manipulation and dominance present in relationships can be identified externally by certain attitudes of the couple, whether together or separately.. Particularly there are controlling attitudes that are evident when these people relate to others together, such attitudes They can be scenes of jealousy, passive-aggressive comments based on distrust, verbal manipulation by the dominant over a situation. situation to exert control over the dominated, humiliation on the part of the controller, constant fights where the attacked is always the one same, etc.

There are attitudes that can be present only in intimacy, that is, when there is no one outside the relationship; These attitudes, in general, are the most harmful and aggressive; these may seem harmless because they are not directly loaded with hostility and aggressiveness. Therefore, they are manipulative attitudes that go unnoticed and little by little generate absolute control over the life of the dominated.

An abusive power relationship can be clearly identified if there is a noticeable difference in some factor and if there are attitudes on the part of any of those involved that exercise some power of control. control, due to the way in which they develop, the part involved that is controlled is usually not aware of the control under the one he is in, since he has been manipulated and forced to accept multiple behaviors that he would not accept in a way aware.

Due to this same lack of control and knowledge about the true nature of their relationship, they are harmful or emotionally exhausting relationships, to a greater extent, since there is not always aggression. physical or verbal, but control over the other is always present, not to mention that the person under this influence feels a constant burden of wanting to please the other or the fear of lose him

The most important risk factor in the development of these relationships, in addition to the presence of such differences and their bad “use”, is the romanticization that currently occurs around almost any type of abusive relationship. Today's society has made progress regarding the values ​​and foundations that healthy relationships should have; However, there is strong misinformation regarding many topics that cover this type of relationships..

The main factors that lead people to think that an abusive power relationship is romantic are related to the belief that control is a sign of love, passion and protection. Belief that is born and is influenced by the media, songs, movies, series, books and stories in which a relationship is glorified where one party clearly exercises disproportionate control over the other part.

The main factors that lead to the romanticization of this are: the challenge generated by the idea of ​​conquering someone of whom you have an ideal for noticeable difference and believing they know how to cope with it, the erroneous perception of protection that someone with such characteristics could provide, the intensity emotional that is believed to exist when there is too much control over one, since it is generally associated as a sign that the controlling person values ​​the person too much. checked.

From the latter arise all the consequences of these relationships, to a greater or lesser extent depending on the level of control and difference that exists in it, but present during and after the relationship.. As already mentioned, they can be seen in different ways and control can be passive or aggressive, this will define the consequences that will arise from the relationship.

These consequences are: mental health problems derived from manipulation, constant psychological and emotional abuse, social isolation generated by control and manipulation of the couple's life, damage to self-image and self-perception derived from the constant criticism of the couple and the need to meet standards of the couple. abuser, risk of self-harm and suicide derived from the desperation and feeling of entrapment that the relationship generates in the abused, economic dependence as a result of the control of the abuser in personal and professional life, physical damage that is caused by physical abuse (not always present), difficulties in future relationships, these are The main.

Conclusions

Finally, it is important to emphasize the damage that these relationships inflict and that their romanticization is based on an erroneous and uninformed view of the psychological, emotional and physical consequences that they entail. Abusive relationships are toxic and must be identified in order to escape, with or without help, the cycle of violence in which one lives.

It is also very true that no one teaches us how to relate, namely, how to have healthy relationships or at least the most accurate ones possible, in all our circles, that is, in the family environment, in our circle of friends or colleagues and much less in relationships, I believe that from early childhood if we focused on addressing the importance of knowing how to relate, couple relationships will be different.