What do they mean when they talk about childhood wounds?

When we talk about childhood wounds we are referring to what is unfinished that has been left in childhood.. To those “little wounds” that have been formed in the most vulnerable stage of our lives. When we are children, mom and dad are the most special things we have, we expect them to be “good” to us, love us, take care of us, praise them but many times that doesn't happen and it is there with our brain that is just forming we don't understand why we don't receive what we so much want. we long.

What are childhood wounds?

By not receiving what we expect, we are hurt, the situation hurts us, and we need to defend ourselves from the hostile world we are in, which is why thoughts like: “I have to be powerful and I don't have to let anyone control me” (since I did it once and they failed me and I don't want to feel the power again) disappointment), “I'm afraid to show myself,” “It's terrifying that they realize what I am like,” “I have to be strong” (because I was once weak and took advantage). Here examples:

• Examples 1: Dad/mom goes out to work and I interpreted it as: he doesn't want to spend time with me. I wanted to be the spoiled one and I didn't get it. Now that I am an adult, I seek to be the spoiled one at work or with my friends or in my relationship. partner, because since I never got what I wanted, I was dissatisfied and I want to fill my vessel that was left empty.

• Example 2: They didn't allow me to play because I would get dirty. Now that I'm an adult I don't like disorder or chaos.

• Example 3: My dad laughed at me and that hurt me so much, I felt humiliated, that now I feel very ashamed and afraid when I go to exhibit or socialize with others because I don't know if they will accept me or not.

• Example 4: Dad told us a lie o The phone rang, Mom made me lie by making me say that he wasn't there (when he was) and then when I did something they scolded me for lying. There were inconsistencies and I felt it was very unfair.

What we usually do is try to see which childhood wound I identify with (abandonment, humiliation, injustice, rejection or other). Don't worry about fitting into a label or classification, the most important thing is the interpretation you gave to the event., you could have experienced what was in the previous examples, but how you lived that experience and the interpretation you gave it is what left you with the emotional wound or not.

We all have wounds to a greater or lesser extent, it depends on how we experience what we experienced, also according to our psychological characteristics. personality that made us more susceptible and catchers of erroneous messages, because as we know, children are good observers but bad interpreters.

How can I know which emotional wound I identify with?

You can ask yourself these questions:

• What was your greatest emotional wish or what was your greatest desire when you were a child? For example: to be listened to, to be valued, to be recognized, to feel proud. I wanted to feel safe that they protected me.

• What was your biggest fear? What were you afraid of losing or not having as a child? For example: Fear of not meeting my father/mother's expectations, of disappointing them, of not being loved, of being left alone, of being preferred to my brother, of being hurt.

The aforementioned occurs with significant people. We are not sure what is going to come. And what is difficult for us to understand is that we are the result of raising children who are also wounded. There are some who argue that they had good parents and had a happy childhood, without parents who were alcoholics or had problems with drugs or physical abuse, It does not necessarily have to have been a violent childhood, mom/dad may have been at home all day, but the child felt or interpreted that his/her emotional needs were not met..

Some practical examples

For example, Juan told us that he suffered bullying at school, however, more than feeling pain from the mockery of his classmates, what hurt him was that he didn't feel safe because he couldn't get home to tell his parents, he didn't have the confidence to be able to tell them what was happening, so On the contrary, he felt ashamed and afraid that they would be disappointed because he did not defend himself and, on the contrary, they would demand behavior from him that for him was very difficult.

The same case of bullying happened to Sara, however for her it was: “I felt rejected because they did not accept me as I was, I felt that I was different, humiliated by the things that were done to me that went over my head, I felt that it was not enough if they had not done those things to me. things". The same case of bullying for both children, however, how they experienced it was different.

Other cases can be when Santa promises or Santa Claus “promises”, we tell him that he will bring you something if you behave, so how do I feel if I don't get it? That I didn't do enough, they betrayed me, I can't trust anyone because in the end the word or the effort is worth it, "Don't complain" I can't express myself because I only receive scolding. Which leads me to establish in my mind: What conditions do I have to meet to be loved? What is the condition that I have to fulfill to be deserving and loved?

“We love you if you keep quiet, if you don't make a mess, if you accept the conditions of the home, if you take charge of your Little brothers, if you obey the rules, if you silence your emotions, I scold you for your own good, if you follow the traditions family members”

Every message we have received since childhood has marked us to the extent of the importance we have given to the facts., do an analysis of your childhood and identify which memories hurt you the most and who they come from. If you want safer psychological support, write to me and let's start this path of healing together. personal growth where we heal these emotional wounds and transcend into forgiveness and virtue of new beginnings. We are together in this.