Setting Healthy Boundaries: Finding Our Voice to Empower Ourselves

In a world that moves at ever-faster speed, where the demands of everyday life often feel overwhelming, learning to set healthy boundaries is essential.. The ability to do so is a cornerstone in building a healthy relationship with ourselves and others, and in preserving our mental health and emotional balance.

When we learn to say “no” to everything that violates our well-being, we transform and We empower ourselves, regaining control of our lives and freeing ourselves from a lot of stress, overwhelm, and even Rage. But what are limits? Why are they crucial? What prevents us from establishing them? and how can we put them?

What are boundaries and why are they so important?

Boundaries are mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries that delimit what our needs, desires, possibilities, and values ​​are. They are the dividing lines that separate what we are from what we are not, what we are open to accepting and what we are not, and the balance we can maintain between giving and receiving.

. Boundaries play a fundamental role in preserving our integrity and well-being, as they allow us to affirm who we are, communicate our requirements effectively, live in harmony with our truest nature and experience a deeper sense of peace. inside.

Think about all the times you've said “yes” to favors, requests, jobs, outside demands, and even the whims of others, when all you wanted to do was say “no.” Remember all the instances when someone said or did something inappropriate but you silenced your pain. How can you not feel tired, angry, and disconcerted! Without clear boundaries, we run the risk of losing our identity by giving in to the expectations of others, which can lead to a lot of confusion and dissatisfaction in our lives.

When we do not set clear limits, we expose ourselves not only to feeling overwhelmed but also to being disconnected from ourselves, more susceptible to dysfunctional relationships, and with low self-esteem. Therefore, The practice of setting healthy limits is essential and necessary not only as an act of self-affirmation but as a way to preserve our health at all levels, and to create better relationships. enriching.

It is important to highlight that we are not setting limits on the other person but on something that that person has done that has broken my peace of mind, which can have physical repercussions – fatigue, gastrointestinal upset, palpitations, and much more. It is also important to note that boundaries are not used to manipulate, change, hurt, or control the other person. These are one of the most assertive ways to protect our emotional, physical, mental and spiritual alignment. They are an essential step on our path to self-discovery and self-realization.

How to learn to set limits?

In my experience as a child and teenager, I lived by pleasing others. I was unable to do anything that would disappoint others because I felt guilty. I was afraid that they would stop loving me if I expressed my limits, so I gave in excessively to everything they asked of me.. I have clients who share with me that they fear confronting or hurting others if they set limits.

Sometimes they feel so bad in situations where it is imperative to set a limit that they do it by shouting or crying, therefore, they avoid exposing themselves. There are many people who have low self-esteem and do not feel worthy of respect or think that they do not have the right to set limits. The scenarios that prevent establishing healthy limits are multiple. Sometimes there are people who simply have not developed effective communication skills that allow them to express their boundaries assertively and respectfully.

In any case, with the appropriate help and the necessary commitment, you can learn to reverse this situation.. I assure this firsthand and also because of the success my clients have in learning to manage what they are willing to negotiate and what they are not. But where can we start?

• Self-reflection: ask yourself these questions, how do I feel about this situation/person? What I need? what I wish? What can I do about it?

• Understand your values ​​and limits: Reflect on your personal values ​​and the boundaries you have set, and understand why they are important to you.

• Identify and challenge irrational or negative thoughts: Thoughts that make you feel guilty for setting a limit. Replace them with thoughts that remind you why you did it and practice self-compassion.

• Be direct: When setting your boundaries, get straight to the point, don't give unnecessary explanations that confuse rather than clarify.

• Do not ask for permission or forgiveness when it is necessary to set a limit: It is your right to do so to maintain your health.

• Use "I" instead of "You": Focus what you communicate in the first person instead of pointing to the other. Instead of saying, "You never call me," you can say, "I'm uncomfortable having to be the one to initiate calls."

• Offer alternatives:When you consider it correct and you feel good, you can offer alternatives: “I can't help you now but tomorrow between such and such time I can.”

• Stay calm and have a serene tone of voice: This helps make the message more effective and respectful.

The ability to set healthy boundaries is directly related to our ability to take care of our energy and overall balance. There may be internal obstacles, such as fear of arguing or being misunderstood, which will have to be worked on with a professional. Maybe the blockage has to do with not knowing how to express your limits, so you will have to learn to speak assertively. Whatever the case, it is essential to recover our voice to mark the lines that others cannot cross.. That way we can enjoy a fuller life and reinforce our self-care and self-love.