Romantic love: what is it and why does it confuse us so often?

When we think of romantic love, the idea of ​​the rush of emotions typical of adolescents comes to us, with anticipatory nerves before a possible meeting and the Obsession to be with the person who awakens all those sensations.

Wrongly, it is what many consider the type of self-esteem of the youngest and what some use to designate love simply, believing that it is something that varies throughout our lives until passion is left out of the scene of couple relationships ripe.

But nothing is further from reality, and that is that there are different types of love that do not understand ages; They are only differentiated by the type of elements involved in each relationship. And in the case that concerns us, love is a cocktail of passion and intimacy suitable for all audiences.

• Related article: "The 7 types of love you can experience"

What is romantic love?

By definition, romantic love arises from the combination of the intimacy created between these two people with the passion that arises, as a spontaneous ignition, between who feel a physical and emotional attraction.

However, of the components that can be part of the different types of love, in romantic love the commitment is the great absenteeism, although this does not weaken the type of bond that may have arisen between these two people.

We could say that it is the kind of relationship represented by Romeo and Juliet, or taking it to this day, the same one that unites two lovers who maintain a relationship in which there are no joint future plans, only a passionate intimacy based on today and now.

How is it different from other types of love?

As we have already commented in the previous section, what determines that love is of one type or another are the components that are part of the relationship in question.

For example, romantic love differs from fatuous in that in the latter, intimacy (that trust between the two that allows openness between them) is the absent element, either because the relationship has been constituted in that way between the two or because the couple has been formed way too hastily, and from the passionate phase of the beginning they have made the leap into commitment, when there has not yet been a chance to intimate.

If we compare it with sociable or partner love, we would have to imagine a romantic love in which there is no passion but there is Commitment built on the trust that intimacy provides.

And if we think of consummate love, the most complete and to which most people aspire, it is I would try to evolve the type of love that concerns us, but to which we would only need to add the commitment. In some cases, it is usually the natural evolution of many relationships.

Myths that we must dismantle

This type of love is so desired and feeling the bath of its emotions is such an incredible experience that certain myths are born from its idealization that will hurt us if we believe them:

1. Love equals infatuation

There are people for whom talking about being in love is synonymous with feeling romantic love, and they are usually the same ones who consider that love is over when passion disappears (or lessens) in the partner.

It would not be bad to remember that falling in love is a common transitory phase at the beginning of all love stories, characterized by great attraction

2. The love that can do everything

"If he really loves me, he will change for me" or "In the end, love always triumphs" are two variations of the same: believing that romantic love can do everything. And we are sorry to say that this is not the case.

Those series based on the innumerable difficulties that two people must overcome in order to be together do us a disservice, because without realizing it we they inoculate unrealistic ideas about couple relationships: on the one hand, that only if it is difficult is that person worth it, and on the other, that love can do everything.

In the end, we find ourselves as a result understanding the most toxic relationships as a reference of love and we wait indefinitely for the surprise ending in which everything is fixed as if by magic. We insist, this is not going like this.

3. Eternal passion

Believing that when romantic love is the common thread between two people who love each other is symptom that everything will continue to be so intense and passionateIt is a belief as common in many beginnings as it is erroneous.

The initial passion is like the force of the combustion of a fire; first it responds with the most vivid and powerful flames to gradually transform into something capable of remaining constant over time while continuing to give heat.

Taking into account the reality of this factor beforehand avoids unnecessary deception and can enjoy a quality relationship.

4. Marriage as a natural consequence of this type of love

Elements with very different natures are mixed; passion, something so typical in its most intense form in the beginning and with the ability to generate hook easily despite the fact that little by little it will decrease until it stabilizes at more normal levels, and the commitment, a pact of involvement and fidelity that aims to last indefinitely between the two parties.

There are cases in which romantic love leads two people to marriage (or stable relationship) and they manage to remain happy throughout the years, but it is not something mathematical nor controlling.

5. Half orange

It is so common to hear about finding your better half that we do not even consider the connotation that is given to the couple's relationship with this type of attribution.

And it is that without realizing it, we tend to believe that we are incomplete people whose only option to be self-sufficient, competent and happy is finding that other person with whom we feel full.

And that is the error and the trap, because in reality it generates a type of bond in which mutual dependence is the actual bond between the two. Whereas when romantic love occurs between two complete people, 1 + 1 probably adds up to much more than two.

6. Jealousy as a symptom of love

No, no matter how you look at it, Jealousy is not indicative of feeling love for your partner. Jealousy has to do with insecurities that can be aroused in one of the two members (or both) with a certain inferiority complex.

And this is a dangerous point, since in the name of the love that is felt, manifested in this way in form of jealousy, could try to justify a series of violent behaviors caused by these situations.

The fine line that separates romantic infatuation from gender violence it is so subtle at times that it affects the natural way in which healthy relationships develop and build. Therefore, it is better to end this common myth before it can take its toll on those who believe that jealousy is a symptom of romantic love.