Empathy: meaning and characteristics of this social skill

Lately we hear about the importance of people having empathy, of educating children to be empathetic and even, it is said that brands must also have empathy, but do we really know what it is?

Empathy is a feeling that allows us to perceive and understand what other people may be feeling and therefore, an essential quality to see the world with more love and compassion. However, there may be confusion with the use of this term so We clarify what empathy is and what it is not.

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What is empathy

Let's start from the simplest definition of what empathy is, which is what the RAE gives us: ‘feeling of identification with something or someone ’,‘ ability to identify with someone and share their feelings'.

When we speak of empathy, we are referring precisely to the ability of a person to perceive and understand what another person is feeling at a certain moment, or as we would say colloquially, the ability we have to put ourselves in the other's shoes.

This does not mean that we have the same opinions, that we agree with their emotions or that we feel the same and therefore understand it. Actually, empathy has to do with the ability to put ourselves in the other person's shoes and understand what he feels and what goes through his mind, from his perspective and not from ours.

This is why in order to feel empathy we start from the validation of the feelings and motivations that the other person has, regardless of whether they have the same importance if we saw it from our own scale of values.

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Characteristics of empathy and how we demonstrate it

We can now think that we are people with empathy because surely we have been in situations in which we have been able to understand the feelings of others. However, there are certain components that define what empathy is and if we really live it.

1. Really listen

A fundamental part of what empathy is is truly listening to what others have to say. Part of this "listening" is to perceive and understand what the other person is saying to us non-verbally with her gestures and movements, in addition to paying attention to her arguments and words.

When we are empathic people we demonstrate it by being active in this conversation, looking the other person in the eye, asking questions, nodding and more than anything, showing our willingness to be there attending to what the other person has to say.

2. Understanding

An essential part of empathy is understanding what the other says and feels regardless of whether we agree with it or not. It is the moment in which we validate their emotions, and we put ourselves in the place of the other.

Through our gestures and words of understanding we demonstrate this understanding to the other; Also when we leave the judgments elsewhere, we avoid certain comments that could make you uncomfortable and we show you our sensitivity.

3. Emotional help

Just by showing empathy towards the other person, listening to them and understanding, you are helping them emotionally. This also includes giving certain advice, using encouraging phrases, using humor to lower the weight of a situation, and using sibling gestures such as a hug, a caress, or a small pat on the shoulder that show that you care.

Can all people feel empathy?

Absolutely all of us come into the world with the appropriate neurological components to feel empathy. If you think about it carefully, empathy is also a survival mechanism that is activated to better understand our environment, the person in front of us and be able to generate deeper ties and relationships with them.

Just as we have people around us who are able to understand everything, there are also people that we consider zero empathic, selfish and that are not capable of seeing beyond the situations of the rest; These are people who have not developed empathy.

But the truth is that our brain has neurons in charge of allow us to establish this connection with other people, put aside our emotional world so that we are more receptive to people or circumstances at a given time.

So, if all people can feel empathy, why are there people who show a total absence of it? The reality is that all our emotions and feelings are shaped according to experiences that we have in our childhood, so the social context in which we grow up, our family, the education and the stimuli we receive are responsible for us being people with a developed empathy or not.

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Empathy can be cultivated

Fortunately, empathy is a feeling that we can cultivate and exercise day by day, being more aware of certain aspects to improve and activating the three essential factors that define what empathy is: active listening, understanding and emotional support, starting with being a little more interested in the people around you and getting involved with them and situations.

The truth is that empathy significantly improves your emotional ties with other people, changes your perspective and your vision of things, helps you solve better conflicts, makes you a more respectful person, improves your emotional intelligence and helps you develop leadership, collaboration and negotiation. But best of all, it makes you feel better about yourself.

What is not empathy

Now that you know what empathy is, ** we must make certain clarifications about what causes confusion and what is not empathy **. Many times we think that because we are able to see that the other is angry, sad or happy we are people with empathy, but this is nothing more than the ability to identify and recognize types of feelings and emotions in the rest.

Remember that to feel empathy, in addition to recognizing the other person's emotions, you must be able to understand and feel them.

On the other hand, do not over-act with empathy and handle it intelligently, because excess empathy can make us we disconnect emotionally from ourselves and we cannot really recognize when the emotions are of the other or ours. This is another case of what is not empathy but something more like living through others.

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