4 steps to feel better about yourself

Many times we forget that, if personal relationships are already complicated, sometimes the really difficult thing is to relate to oneself.

And it is that feeling good about yourself is, for some people, a practically unattainable goal, something that seems even more unlikely than learning the most complex skills. After all, while the steps to follow are quite clear to learn to play chess or complete a college match, the same is not the case with the arduous task of repair our self esteem.

In this article we will see a proposal of several steps to take to feel better about yourself, with examples and indications.

• Related article: "Low selfsteem? When you become your worst enemy"

Feeling better about yourself is possible

Few things are immutable in the world of the human mind, and the seemingly most persistent feelings of self-contempt can disappear if we learn to see ourselves with different eyes.

To do this, you must change both your thought patterns and your way of relating to the environment and others. This double course of action,

focused on beliefs and actions, is the basis of cognitive-behavioral therapies, and although the fact of not going through the consultation of the psychologist reduces the chances of success, it is still worth implementing these strategies on the day to day day.

1. Check your attribution style

People with self-esteem problems tend to attribute their achievements to luck or others; in short, to elements that are not part of its own merit. At the same time, they believe that most of the bad things that happen to them are their fault, even if the cause-effect relationship is not clear.

So, when asked "how do I feel better about myself?" you should start by reflecting deeply on your attribution style in cases where significantly good or significantly good things happen to you bad. The ideal would be to do it as regularly as possible, but as you will surely lack the time and energy to be applying it all the time, it is better to go practical and do it in the most special cases. Over time, you will automatically lose the need to do so.

For example, if you are congratulated on a university project, it is much more reasonable that this is thanks to your merits to the fact that the evaluator likes you (simply, because most evaluators make their job). In the same way, it is very common for abused people to believe that these attacks are their fault, although this is obviously not the case.

• You may be interested: "Theories of causal attribution: definition and authors"

2. Practice compassion

If you are having trouble accepting yourself, you may be applying very rigid expectations to Those beliefs about what you should be and what you are not. For example, there are millions of women who blame themselves for not looking like women who literally do not exist, since they are unrecognizable models after going through a layer of image editing programs by computer.

So, in the same way that you empathize with other people, practice compassion with yourself. yourself, and accept that you do not have to be bound or subject to tyrannical conditions of behaviour. It is not mandatory to adapt perfectly to those ideals that we have, just tend to them, if that is what we want. For it, spend 5 minutes a day reflecting on whether or not your "ideal self" is reasonableAnd if you try to look too much like that person who only exists in your imagination.

• Related article: "What is "the I" in Psychology?"

3. Love your apparent imperfections

The reality is too complex to be divided into "the good" and "the bad". Of course, there are situations in which it is clear that something is right and its opposite is not, but this is not. it always happens, because the world is not made to fit into categories of thought so hermetic and delimited.

One of the consequences of this is that what we believe to be our own imperfections do not have to be.

In fact, there are those who love those personal characteristics that others would be ashamed of. For example, the uninhibited character of those who do not have complexes but live in strongly conservative societies, or even wrinkles, which in a context in which discrimination against mature people is generalized, can be seen as a positive aesthetic value, being a sign of experience.

In the same way, there are manias and "very own" traits that can be adorable or charismatic if we stop seeing them as faults in oneself: obviously, if we are ashamed of them, it shows, and the rest of the people will act as if indeed those characteristics were something bad.

4. Dedicate yourself to what you like

One of the most common reasons why people have a hard time accepting themselves is that they think they are wasting their time. To avoid this, the solution is to reinvent yourself. Work toward a situation where we can dedicate ourselves to what we love. If we do this, we can even be proud of the path we take to get to that fucking of life, even if it has not yet been reached.

Orient yourself to action. Avoid teasing yourself through negative thoughts, which in practice are nothing more than an excuse not to improve, and focus on directing your action to do things that you really feel make you grow. Create reasons to feel proud to be who you are, in your situation and with the means with which you have.