Relational Anarchy: Bonding Without Labels

In a society in which traditionally how and whom to love is given in advance, is it possible that two people can maintain an intimate bond without any kind of label or hierarchy?

In an age when the notion of romantic love still influences the conception of relationships, relational anarchy stands as an alternative to these dynamics. Throughout this article we will explain what this current of thought consists of and what its principles are.

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What is relational anarchy?

Relational anarchy, also known as relational anarchism (RA) It is a way of understanding intimate relationships in which people are capable of establishing personal relationships that do not depend on or are framed in a pre-established set of rules.

The people who carry it out, consider it a lifestyle in which the management of their relationship is subject to their own principles or rules of the members that form it and not the social conventions or those of the culture in which reside.

The relational anarchist argues that love can take hundreds of forms, but none of them is subject to hierarchies, norms or laws imposed outside the relationship itself. If not, these links should appear spontaneously and develop naturally. In this way, the components of the couple are completely free to agree and determine what they want both for their relationship and for the links with other people.

Within these dynamics, people who follow relational anarchism do not tend to differentiate between the ties that are traditionally considered "couple" and those that are not. If not they take a much more flexible consideration of what can happen and what is within these relationships.

However, it is necessary to specify that relational anarchism does not mean that people do not have any kind of commitment within their relationships, rather, they are the ones who establish their own level and type of commitment according to the feelings they experience in the relationship with the other person.

As described above, it is possible to confuse relational anarchy with polyamory. And while it is true that many of the relational anarchists have various sex-affective ties with other people, they will never categorize one relationship or another based on this.

• Related article: "Psychology of love: this is how our brain changes when we find a partner"

Where and when did it arise?

Although the exact place and time in which relational anarchy began to establish itself is not clearly established, it is hypothesized that it is a derived or born current of thought within the polyamorous community.

In 2006, the Swedish author Andi Nordgren defined and explored this dynamic in relationships in a paper called Manifesto on Relational Anarchism. In it she exposed, from her point of view, the principles by which relational anarchism was governed.

Principles of relational anarchism

As discussed above, the writer Andi Nordgren wrote a manifesto in which the bases or principles of relational anarchy were explained.

What these principles say is the following.

1. "We can love many people and each relationship is unique"

Relational anarchy consider love as something infinite and unlimited. So it is susceptible to being exchanged with more than one person, without this being harmful to anyone.

This current of thought defends the appreciation of each and every one of our relationships independently, without labels, hierarchy or comparisons.

2. "Love and respect instead of rights"

Another of the great principles that makes relational anarchism famous is the suppression of the idea that, in an intimate relationship, the two members have a series of rights over the other. That is, in any and all cases, respect for the independence and self-determination of the other cousin. above all things, obviously including one's own wishes or interests.

One of her star ideas in this manifesto is: "love is more real to us when people commit themselves simply because that is part of what is expected to happen."

3. "Let's find our core set of values"

People have the right and the duty to draw up their own personal values ​​map and apply it in your links with other people, always from consensus and communication with the other.

A real relationship cannot follow elaborate and imposed rules outside of the person, since each subject is different and has a different way of conceiving love.

4. "Heterosexuality is everywhere, but let's not let that scare us"

Broadly speaking, what this principle means is that despite the fact that our society and our culture pushes us to follow a certain direction as to who we should or should not to love, we should not fear loving anyone regardless of sex or gender, since it is our right to decide.

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5. "Spontaneity instead of obligation"

Anyone has the freedom to express her love spontaneously, without any kind of tie or obligation, and following a sincere desire to meet the other person.

6. "Let's imagine it until we get it"

Due to the influence of the society we live in, it can be difficult to break with the traditional view of love and relationships. To achieve this change, the author advises using your imagination.

According to this strategy, the person can imagine a situation in which she acts and responds as she wishes, and not as the rules dictate. This way it will be much easier to apply it to real life.

Another option is to seek the support of other people with the same ideas or in the same situation to facilitate this change or transition.

7. "Confidence helps"

The person determined to integrate into relational anarchism must accept the idea that the people around him and whom she loves have no intention of causing her any harm. If the person takes a position of trust, rather than suspicion, doubt or suspicion, he will be able to maintain totally free relationships in which it will be much easier for you to let go of another person if she is like this she wants it.

8. "Let's change through communication"

In order to achieve everything named above, communication between the people who form a bond must be constant and sincere. Real relationships should revolve around communication, not talking about feelings only when problems arise.

9. "Let us design the commitments to our measure"

Finally, relational anarchy does not imply the removal of commitment, quite the contrary. It is based on that in each link between people it is clarified what commitment exists between both.

This current understands that there are different forms of commitments that do not have to be incompatible with certain behaviors or feelings, and encourages people to express explicitly what kind of commitment is desired with the rest.