Activating self-love: tips to empower it
Self love shows the relationship you have with yourself. Therefore, it includes the degree to which you like yourself, to what extent you reward yourself, trust in your abilities and accept yourself as a person.
Loving you or having self-esteem goes beyond good self-esteem. When you have self-esteem, you achieve a balance between your emotional state and your self-esteem.
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The importance of self love
Ask yourself for a moment: are you your friend or your enemy? Do you treat your friends or partner in the same way that you treat yourself? Do you suffer from any psychological problems such as anxiety, depression or emotional dependence?
Unfortunately, the lack of self-esteem is a common evil in our days. There are all kinds of psychological problems at all ages, and when this self-love is completely absent, suicidal thoughts are common. This makes us see the great importance of loving ourselves, treating us with the affection and respect with which we would treat a good friend, especially if we go through a bad time.
The good news is that this is not a hopeless problem, and the lack of self-love has a solution. Here are some tips to avoid boycotting it and activating it.
5 ways to self-boycott
Let's see first, several processes through which your self-esteem becomes worse.
1. Self-punishment and emotional dependence
When you love yourself, you learn from your mistakes and are encouraged to continue, do not whip yourself with a whip by blaming yourself and torturing yourself for how much you have been wrong. That will not make you learn more, but will destroy you little by little. If you are wrong, at least you have tried, you are brave.
It is as important to make mistakes as it is to celebrate your successes and feel proud of yourself., by achieving a goal and for example, celebrating and rewarding yourself. I recommend you not make the mistake of depending on others to obtain positive feedback, but see it as an extra to your own self-recognition. Take charge of yourself and don't put that responsibility entirely on others.
2. Self-criticism and complaint
When you love yourself, you speak to yourself in a kind tone and When it comes to criticizing yourself, you do it in a constructive and non-destructive way. We cannot avoid going through situations that we do not like or difficulties, but we can change the way we react to them.
I recommend you accept the situation and think about what a good friend would say to you about what you think you have done wrong. Also, make yourself aware of how you speak so as not to give rise to self-insult, constant complaint and that torturing voice that may be in you.
3. Self-distrust
When you love yourself, you pay attention to getting to know yourself, with curiosity and patience, and you have a vision of how far you think you can go, setting goals that you think are consistent with your ability.
This does not mean that you are always right, but that if you have difficulties, you learn from the mistake and readjust your goal. You try and live moments that can enrich your life, without running real danger. Remember that trust makes perfect. If you distrust yourself, it is likely that you are paying attention to the error and consequently, you are fleeing from goals that you can achieve.
- You may be interested in: "Galatea effect: do you believe in your possibilities?"
4. Comparison with others
We have qualities that define us and we use to describe our physique, our personality and our behavior. When you love yourself, you accept their qualities and you are free from those cultural and subjective standards, such as beauty. You know that each person is different, neither better nor worse. What you are looking for is to feel good about yourself, because each one has its rhythms and its attributes that make it who it is.
If you frequently compare yourself to others, both to be victorious and to be hurt, you are likely to feel on a roller coaster ride. by depending on who you are around or what fashion marks.
5. Narcissism and hatred
Contrary to what is believed, love has limits, both towards oneself and towards others. There must be a balance between what you love yourself and what you want from others. When there is an imbalance due to an excess of self-love and a deficit of love for others, narcissism and hatred arise.
The person with narcissism believes himself to be superior or better than others (egotism), he thinks he has more rights than others (egotism) and he believes that everything revolves around him (egotism). When you love yourself, you end up distancing yourself from people with narcissism, seeking generosity, assertiveness, and reciprocity.
3 steps to love yourself and stay active
Now that we know what may be affecting your lack of self-esteem, let's see what steps to take to improve it on a day-to-day basis.
1. Live a pleasant moment
Perhaps you are already having some and they are going unnoticed, so it is important that you pay attention. I recommend you start with something simple. Some examples might be: listening to a song you like, singing and dancing (no matter how you do it), savoring a meal, or taking a relaxing bath. Remember that just as you treat others well, you also deserve to treat yourself well.
2. Savor that pleasant moment
An idea may be to give it a duration of at least one minute and focus all your senses on that time you enjoy.
3. Remember that nice moment
You can save it in your memory, share it with friends and even write it. I invite you to make a note with each experience, achievement, strength or moment of splendor, and save them in what will be "the little boat of good memories." So you can continue discovering your way to happiness.
Author: Belén González García, Health Psychologist member of the team of Mentavio. Psychologist from the Complutense University of Madrid, with health and collegiate authorization M-28477, Expert in Psychotherapy Brief Strategic Therapy on the Path of Palo Alto and with a Master's Degree in Eating Disorders and Obesity by the EMU.