Guidelines for your actions to be satisfactory

More and more people are being heard who are experiencing emotional problems being advised to "do things."

In my practice and in other areas of my life, I meet people who have been recommended by the rule "do, fill your life with actions, splemente, do not remain paralyzed."

But a life with personal meaning is not about doing for doing. It does not consist in filling the suitcase with things, in filling it with whatever or with what others consider. It consists of filling the suitcase with the things that matter to you, that represent you.

• Related article: "Existential emptiness: 5 tips to know what to do with your life"

Everyday dissatisfaction

Thich Nhat Hanh says: "My actions are my only true experiences."

Some people have become great "doers", even so much that if they have nothing to do they get distressed. Filling their days with endless tasks, but without stopping to assess whether they are actions that enrich them, that bring them closer to the life they want, if they are actions that connect them. They only do them responding to the rule "fill your life, do".

When the person trapped by "doing" finds himself again, (there is always a moment with a gap of inaction in which the conscience takes the opportunity to show you how your life is going) It is probable that she feels a vital trace of dissatisfaction, like an internal emptiness, with the sensation of not arriving, of running without reaching, without stopping, trapped by the rush to go nowhere. site.

The emotional void

Viktor E. Frankl comments: “Sunday neurosis, the kind of depression that afflicts people who become aware of lack of content in their lives when the rush of the busy week ends and the emptiness within them manifests ”.

I call it "the void of action void of coherence." Even if the action coincides with the person, being outside of the intentional and conscious choice of him, the person is not aware of their value. And beyond the action, there is the meaning of it, if he truly represents you.

Many "Do's" are governed by automatic pilot, by inertia, by haste, to escape from a feeling, for an infinity of causes, that has nothing to do with what one would choose to do.

I am not talking about great actions, I am talking about the day to day, of the greatness that is in living, that is in the small actions of the day. As a gesture that connects you, for example, with respect, if respect was an important value for you. That gesture can range from recycling a sheet of paper, thanking, treating customers with kindness at work, listening without interrupting, not littering the environment... Like a kiss that you give to a child looking into his eyes, taking care of his face, feeling his skin and without saying "come on, hurry up" giving him an automatic empty kiss of presence.

Pages and pages could be filled with ideas; It is what personal values ​​have, they are directions, and there are always ways to cultivate them. They say that the extraordinary is common, that what happens is that sometimes, we do not realize it.

• You may be interested: "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): principles and characteristics"

Actions from values

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) tells us about Committed Action: set goals guided by values ​​and get involved in actions to develop them. Carrying out actions guided by our most personal and significant values, actions in which we are present and committed.

Only through the actions in which we are present and connected can we establish a meaningful life.

What can we do with this doing?

Ask yourself about your values, about your coherence, about what really matters to you. How do I want to be? Regardless of my thoughts and emotions, how I want to be in this situation, with this person, with this event, with this place... What flavor do I want to leave behind?

For example: with my son, how do I want to be like a mother / father? What do I want to be by your side? So that? Let's say your answer is: I want to give him affection and help him to be independent and to love himself. Being aware of how you want to be brings you closer to the compass to choose actions that are coherent with you.

Suppose a day-to-day situation: daughter learning to put on shoes. If I hurriedly tie his shoes, am I helping him to be independent? If I rectify him very frequently and say that he is clumsy, will I help him to love himself? And to be independent? And with me, do I get closer to the mother / father that I want to be?

But... What if she let him try to tie her shoes, dedicating a stipulated, unhurried, licensed time so that she can make a mistake and with the opportunity to try again, doing it with complicity and with displays of affection? Do you think that action makes sense to you? Is it consistent with you, with your values?

The what is of great importance, but in many cases the how is even more important. How do I want to do it? Imagine that your answer is: with love and patience. Now look at yourself, in your personal baggage you have multiple actions to choose from. Get out of the shoulds, I have what and listen to your "wants".

There is a significant difference between telling you "I should do ..." "I have to ..." to telling you "I want to do ..." and listening to you. The "want" takes you out of crushing crippling demands and brings you closer to what really matters to you, nourishes you, and connects you.

Filling our life with actions that represent us

I am an ACT specialist psychologist, and an accredited Mindfulness teacher by Respira Vida breathworks, as well as directing the Purificación Estrada Center for Psychology and Mindfulness. I also instruct mental health professionals in acquiring practical tools so that can apply exercises and dynamics in therapy that lead to real solutions in the lives of their patients. My job as a therapist is to help people choose to help people connect with themselves, it is to help them to be more free.

I am currently writing my first book, full of experience, practice and usefulness for life. A book that helps to clarify, that does not tell you what to do, that respects you and helps you to connect or help others to connect with their values, to choose and to get closer to the person you love, who they want to be.

A book based on scientific evidence, nuanced from personal and clinical experience, based on a rigorous training, and above all a book that is being built Con-Ciencia y With heart. You can see my contact information by doing click here.