How to face hopelessness and return to illusion

Sometimes, the events we live seem to go hand in hand with a lesson: nothing can go better. This belief is irrational, but despite being aware of it, we accept it as a golden rule that perfectly describes reality. So, coping with hopelessness is not easy... but it is not impossible either.

In fact, as much as we believe that this vital pessimism totally fits with the way in which life is going developing before our eyes and that any more positive interpretation of what the future will be oneself, What we knowthanks to research in psychology and neuroscience shows that this is not the case.

Oddly enough, the hopelessness and pessimism associated with the symptoms of depression and sadness they are, like hope and optimism, ways of seeing life that we build ourselves, and that are not given by "reality" as it is.

The pessimistic life story

It is counterintuitive and difficult to understand at first, but hopelessness is something that is learned, something that is born in ourselves and that is relatively independent of external events that we cannot control.

That implies two things:

• The predictions we make about what our lives will be like depend on our state of mind.

• Hopelessness and pessimism are not more "realistic" ways of looking at things.

But then... Why do we tend to think that hopelessness is a way of seeing reality without additives, in a more honest way and oblivious to feelings and desires? If we notice, we tend to see optimists as "dreamers" or "people who are not down to earth", while we attribute a greater ability to see things without filters to those that are more bitter and pessimistic.

The answer has to do with a psychological compensation mechanism that we will see now.

Make up for hopelessness

Since we are little, we learn to see things by looking at the trade-offs that are established between inconveniences and rewards. Going to the bathroom alone means that we will receive praise from our parents; neglecting our school assignments will make teachers and parents angry. Somehow, we will notice that in almost everything there is a compensation mechanism.

Hopelessness makes us notice a failure in this way of seeing reality, but not entirely. On the one hand, we see that our efforts do not correspond to the results we obtain (for example, no matter how hard we try to like a person, they do not have to treat us better).

In more extreme cases, we find that absolutely all efforts to protect our integrity and well-being are in vain, and we may even give up altogether. This phenomenon is known as learned helplessness.

However, the compensation mechanism survives in the way we judge that hopelessness itself. Somehow, we come to the conclusion that pessimism is the most faithful way to analyze what is happening. Why? Because being a pessimist is painful, and you must have some compensation.

Paradoxically, that system of balances that people who have lost hope discard because they believe it is a way of self-deception survives in his ideas, though with a difference: in his case, it only serves to produce bitterness, sadness and discomfort.

Accepting the ability to build reality

So whether we are optimistic or hopeless, our way of looking at things can never be neutral or objective.

Our brain is not made to absorb all the information from the world around us and the processes that are taking place in it, but is constantly selecting relevant information through biases... and this is not necessarily bad.

Simply, there are some interpretations of what happens that are more useful than others. And pathological pessimism has no advantage in itself, so... Why assume that it offers us a more reasonable perspective of the facts?

Facing despair and regaining hope is not simply a way to feel better: it is a statement of principles that involves using our own ability to extract interpretations about the facts for our own benefit, instead of letting these become obstacles that do not leave us move along. In fact, this is one of the principles of cognitive restructuring, one of the components of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapies: find alternatives when reading reality.

So, if you think it would be useful to put some more illusion in your life, you can start by considering the following points.

1. Set goals

Many times, hopelessness is the result of a lack of objectives. When there is nothing to do, emotional stagnation appears, boredom and hopelessness, since it is assumed that nothing important or good is going to happen.

To get out of this dynamic, set yourself concrete and reasonable goals, such as starting a training plan or starting to learn on your own about a topic. In addition, it is good that you divide this plan into small short-term sub-objectives, so that you can immediately see the progress you are making.

2. Surround yourself with positive people

Optimism is contagious, so being in contact with people who see things through hope is always positive and inspiring. Getting used to these social circles will give you more opportunities to experience new sensations, moments of euphoria and, in general, of happiness.

3. Get out of your comfort zone

Hopelessness is bitter, but it also has an addictive component: allows you not to assume important responsibilities and not run the risk of having moments of nervousness. However, small doses of frustration and stress are necessary to progress in certain areas of life.

For example, it may be uncomfortable for a shy person to meet new people, but after a moment initial nervousness, the payoff may turn out to be much more satisfying than the initial comfort of the comfort zone.

Therefore, it is necessary to try to force oneself to perform acts of courage that in the medium and long term will be positive.