The 5 characteristics of empathy, explained

Empathy is an exceptional ability, very important for our social coexistence. It is the power that people have to be able to tune into the emotions and intentions of others.

But it is not only knowing what others feel. It is also about understanding why they feel this way, respecting their way of feeling and thinking, putting ourselves in their same place and, based on that, figuring out how to make them feel better.

Next we will take a more in-depth look at the characteristics of empathy, in addition to reflecting on what is useful empathy as opposed to what is projected.

• Related article: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

The main characteristics of empathy

Many think that defining empathy is a simple task but, ironically, they tend to have the least empathy. The idea that empathy is the act of putting yourself in the shoes of others or understanding what they feel is not wrong, but it is too simplistic. There is much more to the word empathy, much more effort and willingness to help than simply identifying the emotions of others.

If empathy were only knowing how to identify emotions in others, we would all have it equally developed, something that is certainly not the case. Many times we have heard that an acquaintance of ours is very selfish, that he hardly thinks of others or that he is not worried about someone feeling bad. It is proof that we are not all empaths, that there are people who have a hard time putting themselves in the same situation as someone who is suffering, or understanding their actions and emotions.

Leaving aside the antisocial personality disorder, which is psychopathology, the one that a person manifests more or less empathy depends on both genetic predisposition and factors environmental Being empathetic is like practically everything, there are personality differences that are mediated by the parents' educational style, the experience of stressful events, genes, more or less cordiality and even the cultural level ...

This is clearly visible in these times, given that the pandemic has forced essential professionals, such as health workers, supermarket cashiers and security forces, to continue working.

Many of these professionals have faced two very different situations. Some doctors have come home after a long and exhausting day to find pools of bleach on their doorstep, signs asking them to leave, or accusations that they are contagious. Others, fortunately, in an act of enormous empathy on the part of their neighbors, do the shopping for them or help them with whatever they need.

Taking into account these two examples, we can understand that the neighbors of the first case lack empathy a lot. They are not necessarily psychopaths, but they certainly have not been able to put themselves in the shoes of their healthcare neighbor, who has spent a long day helping people in need.

It is for this reason that it is very necessary to understand what empathy is exactly so that we can, to the extent that we can, practice it, put it to the test. In most cases, we can try to be better people and improve our way of relating to others.

1. Active listening

Active listening is understood as the act beyond the simple act of listening. That is, as a fundamental characteristic of empathy, we say that we are actively listening when we pay attention to what another person is telling us, keeping the thread of conversation.

Empathic people are usually willing to listen and have a good conversation with their interlocutor. In addition to hearing everything he has to say to us, we are active in conversation, taking care of verbal and non-verbal language, especially gestures and tone of voice.

We display a developed empathy when we let someone, whether they feel upset or in a great mood, express themselves, talk about how they feel. Revealing the inner world sometimes costs a lot, and the last thing someone in a bad mood needs is to feel like they are talking to a wall.

• You may be interested: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

2. Active understanding

But, in addition to active listening, a fundamental characteristic of empathy is active understanding. It is about making the effort to understand others, regardless of what they are explicitly telling us. It is understanding, in a deep way, what you think, what you believe, what you feel and what you care about.

In addition to identifying the emotions of the interlocutor, you must understand his position, why he feels this way, what has made him feel this way. Understanding what emotional meaning you attribute to each thing that happens to you and, thus, seeing to what extent we can help you is a properly empathic act.

3. Identify with the other

Identifying with the other comes from the hand of active understanding, although they are not exactly the same. Identifying with someone, in addition to knowing what emotion they are feeling, implies putting ourselves in their place and making the effort to think how we would act ourselves in their same situation.

4. Solidarity

Solidarity is empathy materialized. That is, it is the turning our very human capacity to feel how and why others feel this way into something productive, to improve your emotional state.

Listening to and understanding others are acts that, in themselves, are beneficial, since we show that they are not they are alone, that there is someone who knows what they are going through, that someone has tuned in on their own pain.

However, the action of helping beyond that, i.e. get moving to find a solution or improve how you feel It is true solidarity, fundamental to empathy.

This can be done through helpful tips or gestures that are inexpensive to do and that mean a lot, such as kisses, caresses, hugs... You can always do something to make others feel better, no matter how small and insignificant it may be. seem.

5. I respect

Finally, a defining characteristic of empathy, as important as understanding and solidarity, is respect. Respecting the way others see the world, as long as it does not imply intolerance or harm, is essential to be able to say that we are truly empathetic people.

In addition to that, there is respect for what that person may feel. It is possible that we, being in the same situation as her, do not feel as bad as she is. That is why we should not fall into prejudices and phrases that do not help such as "it is not so bad", "you are an exaggeration / a" "oh, please, how dramatic you are ..." Each one is as it is, and there is to respect it. If we are not really going to help you, why talk?

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Differences between useful empathy and projected empathy

After looking at all the characteristics of empathy, we can understand the differences between useful empathy and projected empathy.

By useful empathy we mean the one that really contributes to making others feel good. That is, the act of actively listening and understanding what motives and thinking have made a person feel the way they do. In addition, once you understand your situation, we intend to help you by looking for ways, however simple and basic they may be, to make you feel better, to get out of the well.

As we have already said, having empathy, understood as the simple act of identifying emotions, is not enough. Being empathetic implies directing that human capacity to tune in to the feelings of others and give them a useful purpose, to benefit others. In short, be supportive.

Projected empathy, as opposed to useful, is to expose our own emotionality on top of another person. To be understood, let's imagine that our friend from class has just failed an exam and is sad. Instead of supporting him, we started by telling him that “you should have studied more”, “it's normal that you feel like this, yes you are to blame for not having made an effort ”,“ you have disappointed me… I thought you were going to pass this time ”and phrases by him style.

We project our outrage that he failed, instead of trying to understand how he feels and thinking about what went wrong so that he did not study enough. You may have had such a bad family situation that you couldn't concentrate, for example.

Human beings are fortunate to have such an adaptive and beneficial capacity as empathy. Being able to tune into the feelings of others is like having a super power, it is like being able to read the minds of others. Instead of letting it atrophy, let's put it into practice! Let's be more understanding with others, especially now we need to be more empathetic than ever.

Bibliographic references:

• Moya, L. (2013) Empathy, understand it to understand others. A Coruña: Current Platform
• de Waal, F. (2009) The Age of Empathy: Nature’s Lessons for a Kinder Society New York: Three Rivers Press.