How to recognize someone with low self-esteem: 4 simple tips

Psychologists are trained to immediately recognize the indicators that a patient has low self-esteem. But... What about the common people, who do not have more studies in psychology?

Whether you start dating someone or you have changed jobs and now have a new boss, or you want to make new friends, here are some simple tips that they will help you identify when a person has low self-esteem, so that you are prevented and better stopped before the eventual emergency of any conflict.

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How to identify someone with low self-esteem

These are some of the characteristics that allow us to recognize someone with low self-esteem.

1. Pessimistic bias about themselves

People with low self-esteem, by definition, have a poor opinion of themselves. This leads them to believe that others see them as they see themselves, in a very unfavorable way. They take for granted that if they feel unintelligent, interesting, or attractive, it is because they are necessarily unintelligent, interesting, or attractive.

They lose sight of the fact that their own negative opinion is not reality, but only one possible opinion among many others. But of course, as this idea is the product of their own thinking, and thought is an invisible process, they end up confusing what they believe with what others believe.

"People realize that I am stupid," one patient told me. "That opinion is yours, we don't know what other people think," I replied. "We could ask them."

I put this point first because it is on which those that follow are based.

2. External validation search

Those who have low self-esteem They need praise and praise like the air they breathe. In this sense, they are demanding and highly sensitive. They invest great efforts looking for some recognition in others that makes them feel a little better.

On one occasion, I overheard a girl tell who seemed to be her romantic interest, "I'm the ugliest person in the world." He was looking, without a doubt, for the boy to respond something like: “Not at all. I have met people much uglier than you ”.

For someone with impaired self-esteem, a comment like that can be a great comfort and encouragement.

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3. Tendency towards personalization and self-referrals

People who go through this way of perceiving reality they attribute malevolence to other people when things don't go the way they expected. They become convinced that others purposely seek to harm them, even in ambiguous cases or in the absence of compelling reasons to think so.

When this happens, they typically respond in two opposite and stereotyped ways: they get upset and depressed, or they get defensive and then fight back. A third option combines the previous two.

"Do you think you have any share of responsibility for what happened?" I asked a patient who had just told me about an argument with his partner.

"Are you telling me that I am to blame for everything?" he replied, visibly angry.

4. Extreme comments on their virtues

Another typical characteristic of these people is that they are frequently disqualified, or because of the On the contrary, they exaggerate and magnify their own achievements, especially when these are small or not relevant.

They are easily recognized when they are heard talking about their profession or work, which they come to consider of unusual significance or sometimes the panacea itself. They need to believe that to feel that they occupy an important place in the world..

Not long ago, I overheard two astrologers arguing on a television show.

"Astrology is a science," one of them vehemently asserted. "No, it is not. It is just a discipline, but not a science, "said the other, visibly more relaxed. "I tell you yes, it is a science! All my life I dedicated myself to astrology and I tell you that it is a science! "

Now guess which of the two women has a low self-esteem and which a strong self-esteem.