Learning to say "No"

The assertiveness problems they have a thousand faces, and they can take different forms to create problems in the daily lives of those people who have never learned to say no. This can have consequences not only for the person in particular, but even for their environment, which little by little will get used to receiving a favorable treatment and may neglect some tasks, in addition to becoming frustrated when it is not possible to receive the attention of someone who is little assertive.

That is why It is worthwhile to dedicate yourself regularly to self-examination and see if, in certain areas or in the face of certain people, it is difficult for us to say no. Here are some steps to take to address this problem from a psychological perspective.

Training ourselves in the art of saying no

1. Reflect on what your priorities are

To know in what aspects you should be able to say no and you don't, it is necessary to know first what your interests are, that is, what you want to achieve and that other people do not have to provide you without you having to do anything. Set a priority scale to find out which things matter most to you and which ones matter least to you.

2. Think about whether you are being consistent with the above

Are you missing important opportunities by not disturbing someone? Think to what extent the benefit you would obtain by dedicating your efforts to what matters most to you would be less than the inconvenience you can cause. Think, too, to what extent you take for granted that you should keep that person satisfied regardless of your interests.

3. Would that really be annoying?

Think of the inconvenience you could create by refusing to do one thing. Later, imagine that you are in the place of the other person and think to what extent it would be inappropriate for you to do the same to you. Would it really be a problem for you if someone said no to you, or is it more of an imaginary fear?

4. Visualize yourself as you think others see you

People who can't say no they tend to believe that they are constantly owing other people things. This is explained because the lack of assertiveness is closely linked to the low self-esteem and low self-confidence, so that it is common to believe that, although one does not want to take advantage of others, it is a burden for friends, family, co-workers and neighbors.

To mitigate the effects of this biased view of reality, it is good take time for self-reflection and to think about what aspects one owes more to other people than the rest owes to one. From a close examination of your relationships with others, it is easier to see to what extent these small "debts" are of little importance or, in many cases, not even at all.

5. Think about what people who can't say no suggest to you

Think about what people with lack of assertiveness are like and spend some time imagining them in all the details what you can about their way of relating to others and how they are usually treated by the rest of people. Then, think about how you think you are, and superimpose this image on the one you had imagined before to see how much you are a person who has a hard time saying no. With this simple measure, practiced regularly, you will be able to see in which aspects you can improve and gain assertiveness and with which people you tend to have more difficulties defending your interests.

Conclusion: coldly analyze the situation

In short, all these points focus on the need to distance oneself from oneself in order to self-examine and coldly analyze in which aspects it is convenient to say no and is not doing so thing. Starting to make these changes in our relationships with others can be difficult and uncomfortable at first, but Without a doubt, the benefits of this regular practice will be noticed on a daily basis.