Values ​​as directions of life

Have you ever wondered if you live the life you want to live? What is it that matters to you in life? How do you want to be?

These are questions that we don't ask ourselves very often and that depend on how thoughtful we are. We let ourselves be carried away by the rhythm of life we ​​lead, without realizing how we live and what is really important to us.

This personal reflection on the life we ​​want to live It is essential to take control of our life and head in the direction we want.

• Related article: What is social psychology?

What are values?

Since childhood, our parents transmit different messages to us that each one of us internalizes. For example, "you have to be generous and share the toys." Thanks to these messages, we learn what actions are important and define us as a person.

These acts that define what is really important to us are our values. They are our principles, they serve as a guide and motivation in life. They tell us how we want to be, how we want to relate to the world and what is really worthwhile for each of us.

Values ​​are chosen directions of life, our points of the compass determine where we want to go, where we want to orient our journey.

As an address is not something that has an end, that can be reached, a value never runs out, it never comes to an end. That way, if one of my values ​​is to be a healthy person, I will always be able to do things in line with that value. Like, for example, eating a balanced diet, exercising, having healthy habits, etc.

This never comes to an end, not by exercising for a season will you have achieved that value (you have been able to achieve a goal, for example running a marathon).

Steven Hayes, in his book Get out of your mind, get into your life, talk about values ​​through the metaphor of the "bus of your life". On this trip, you are the driver of that bus. Passengers will get on (emotions, memories, thoughts, sensations ...) who will try to boycott your trip, wanting to go in a direction opposite to your values. Sometimes we get carried away by them leading a lifestyle or making decisions that do not make us feel good. But they are not the ones in control of the bus, it is you who decides in which direction you are going to go, where your life is going to go, regardless of the passengers accompanying you on the trip.

A value is not a feeling, since a feeling can be had, but a value cannot be had as if it were an object. It is not in the future, it is not a result, nor a wish, nor a goal to be reached.

Goals lead us in the direction of our values. They are our road maps, the "visible" part of the values, that is, the elements, things, situations that can be reached.

Setting goals and objectives helps us stay on track. To do this, we would first identify and clarify our values, then we would set goals and objectives according to the values ​​and, finally, we would define the actions that we have to carry out to achieve said goals.

Exercises to identify the values

As we have discussed, to live a valuable life, we must act according to our values. The problem comes when we do not know how to identify what those values ​​are.

Therefore, the first step will be to identify and clarify our values ​​in the different areas of our life. This work in therapy can be carried out using the exercises below.

1. Attend your own funeral

Before we start, tell you that this is not any morbid exercise. The purpose of this exercise is to discover how you would like to be rememberedas this can give you information about what you value and what is important to you.

Reflect first on what you fear they might tell you. Here's what a loved one might say to you and what you'd like them to say. What things would you like to hear? Sometimes when they bury people, they write an epitaph, what phrase would you like your headstone to have?

2. Imagine you are 80 years old

To do this exercise you have to imagine that you are 80 years old and you look back to see your life as it is today. Once this is done, finish the following sentences:

• I spent too much time worrying about ...
• I spent too little time doing things like ...
• If I could go back in time ...

3. Ten valuable areas

It consists of discovering your values ​​in the following areas: marriage / partner / intimate relationships; children; family relationships (other than those of the nuclear family); friends / social relationships; career / employment; education / training / personal growth / development; leisure / fun, spirituality, citizenship; Health & Wellness.

When performing this exercise you can figure out which areas are really important to you and which are not. If there is an area where you cannot find any value, you can leave it blank. There are no good or bad answers, since there are no better or worse values.

• You may be interested: ""The 10 types of values: principles that govern our lives"

Conclution

It is convenient that each of us work on our values, on how we want to be, in what direction we want to take our lives.

Thanks to that we motivate ourselves towards change, we take action by establishing short and long-term objectives and goals that we they provide meaning, direction and make us feel comfortable with them and with ourselves because they are in line with our values.

If you would like us to accompany you in this process of clarifying and living according to your values, do not hesitate to contact us.