Regulation of emotions in childhood

On many occasions we tend to downplay issues related to the expression of emotions in children.

It is quite common to believe that day-to-day events or extraordinary events do not affect them. and they do not realize when there are problems at home, at school, or when some of their classmates are not well, but it is precisely at this stage of their lives when care and management of emotions and feelings need the most attention.

Emotional management in children

Childhood is the basis of how we will act as adults. To better visualize this fact, we could imagine that our children are small adults and the function of us as parents, guardians, teachers or therapists is to provide them with tools that they will use throughout their increase.

To achieve this I would like to explain some tips that can be applied both at home and at school, in the first step to achieve the regulation of emotions and feelings.

Emotion and feeling in childhood

To begin with, I would like to mention the difference between two concepts, which can sometimes be somewhat confusing, for then delve a little deeper into the content and thus serve as an emotional guide for our children, students, family members, etc. Is about

the distinction between feelings and emotions.

Types of emotions

The emotions appear before conscious sensation; it is an organic reaction accompanied by physical changes. They are of innate origin and their response is accompanied or influenced by our experiences, they generally appear abruptly and are fleeting.

It is considered that there are 6 basic categories of emotions.

• Go to: We usually live it as an overwhelming experience, we can believe that we are losing control of our actions. We also know it as rage, anger, resentment, rage, or irritability.
• Aversion: It allows us to avoid food poisoning or of any other type. It is also known as disgust or disgust. Within social interactions, it occurs when we move away from someone or some situation as it causes us displeasure.
• Sadness: Related to grief, loneliness or pessimism. It can be present with the same intensity in both children and adults and can sometimes be used to create empathy in the other.
• Surprise: Emotion that causes shock, amazement or bewilderment by a situation or event.
• Joy: Also expressed with euphoria, gratification, and gives a feeling of well-being and security.

Although the emotion of love is not considered within the first six basic emotions, It is important to remember the value it represents and how deep it can go, even in kids.

Types of feelings

On the other hand, but closely related to emotions, are feelings. These are the result or consequence of emotions.

They refer to an affective state of mind that is usually long-lasting, and usually lasts longer in time compared to emotions. That is why when someone is in love with another person they could say “I feel that I have fallen in love with you” and not “my emotion is in love with you”.

Tips for managing emotions in children

Let us now proceed to apply this theoretical distinction to practice to help children in regulating their emotions.

1. Know and recognize emotions (the passing thing)

There are many elements involved in the development of the child. Each one's cognitive maturation is unique; Its development or process will depend, among other things, on the environment provided at home, the relationship with their relatives, the relationship with their peers and the educational environment provided in the school. However, generally around the age of 2, the teaching of the recognition of emotions in themselves could begin. This will go a long way to helping them feel more in control of their emotions, feelings, thoughts, and reactions. in adverse situations or day to day.

To recognize emotions we must first know them. We tend to think that it is something obvious for the little ones, but it is important to explain to them that there are different emotions and the difference with feelings. The main emphasis will be that the child must understand that an emotion of anger, for example, is temporary, and for parents the most important thing is to know that the presence of this emotion does not define their children.

How to apply this advice?

To achieve the learning of emotions, feelings and their difference, we can use different tools; for example, we could use books. Today you can find a great variety in children's books specially designed for teaching emotions. Some of the ones I would like to recommend are; "Sad monster, happy monster", “Little Edu is not angry”, “Tough guys, they got feelings too”, “Coco and Tula: Feelings!”.

For slightly older children and teenagers, "Labyrinth of the soul”, “The Diary of Emotions" Y "Rain and sugar recipesThey are easy to find books and can even be purchased online. Reading helps the child to visualize and internalize situations and to understand how the characters reacted to different events, thus relating it to their life. For example, if some of the characters in the story are upset, the child will surely relate it to some current situation, "my friend is upset with me." To make reading more effective, it can be done together with them in a moment of intimacy and full attention to the activity. It is important to listen to the ideas that the child has to say about certain impressions and to clarify the doubts.

Another way to teach about emotions, both at home and at school, is role playing.. After the parents or teachers have improvised a little play, (it doesn't have to be so organized, in fact a little improvisation would not hurt) they can go together exploring and expressing the different situations that require the expression of different emotions and feelings, acting in front of a mirror could help the visualization and internalization of the themselves.

2. Accept emotions

Accepting is a broad concept, and I would like to emphasize that this point is not about accepting a wrong behavior or a bad reaction to an emotion, but to accept that the child is feeling certain emotion.

Some parents wonder why their child is sad, or the teacher wonders why that child is upset, for example. As parents we think that children have no responsibilities, they should not pay bills or give explanations to the bank. The teacher might consider that she has planned the funniest class of the month, but "that child" is still angry and that is where I would like the term to be used to accept. We must accept that children are emotional even if the emotion is sadness, anger, aversion, fear… As a society we have placed positive emotions on the podium, but not so positive emotions are also part of us and we must feel them.

3. Manifestation of emotions

I will not say that it is the most complex step, but it is the one that possibly requires the most effort, both for the adult and for the child. The way of expressing our emotions is built and constituted by many elements. Children generally imitate their parents or the people they behave with most of the time. If we as adults tend to hit things in a moment of anger, we cannot demand that the little ones in the house not do the same, as they will, in front of their parents or not. To teach our children how to express emotions we must be a role model for them.

The way you express your emotions is accompanied by coherent thoughts. These can trigger strong feelings of, for example, despair, which can lead us to do things that we really do not want. That is, what we think prompts us to act in one way or another. To help the thought not overwhelm you, it is important to agree limits, in this way we help the thoughts not overflow, so to speak.

As adults we must establish what is allowed and what is not: “If you are very upset you can tear sheets or newspaper but you cannot hit your younger brother”, for example. Boundaries need to be discussed and agreed upon by both sides, both by children and by parents, and it is important to remember that you are not negotiated or spoken to when you are in the middle of a tantrum.

The complexity of what we want to ask our children is more than clear, but the most important thing is that they understand that an emotion is fleeting. And we, as adults, must understand that this emotion does not define the little one, and more importantly, that we should avoid reinforcing certain types of behavior by tagging him with comments "he is misbehaved", “Whenever we come here you cry” or “the same tantrum every morning”.

Considering the ages of the children

With the application of limits in the manifestation of emotions, the first change that possibly occurs see reflected will be a less explosive response but the end result will be achieved after much constancy. But we must also take into account the age of the child we are trying to educate.

In this regard, several elements must be remembered: up to two years of age, tantrums are very common, and transitions or changes from one activity to another also give rise to the beginning of a strong huff. Therefore, my best advice, regardless of the age of the child, is to anticipate them: “in five minutes we will go to the doctor” (despite the fact that Until a certain age they are not clearly aware of time, you can mention the time, they will understand that there will be a change early). Constant communication will be the best ally for parents.

4. Express assertively

Assertive communication will be our highest goal. Getting the little one to say what he feels and why will be the greatest achievement. For this, we must provide him with the necessary confidence so that he can believe in himself, and thus will be able to more easily identify his emotion.

Concluding

Many concerned parents attend medical and psychological appointments because of their children's tantrums and that is the most recommended. But as parents we must stop for a moment, stop looking at our children and begin to observe them carefully. An emotional distress could be caused by elements that we ourselves could modify. For example food. Other reasons can be problems or difficulties related to sleep, which can range from a light that bothers at bedtime or the lack of it, a very high or low temperature in the room, etc. The causes can be multiple.

In the event that various physical elements have been verified, we proceed to consider the psychological elements and if the child continues with strong emotional responses, (remember that "bad behaviors" are usually calls for attention related to something wrong), then it is best to take him to a medical check-up and psychological.