Age complexes: what they are and how to overcome them

In an age when physical appearance seems to matter more and more, it is not surprising that many people suffer and become obsessed by reasons related to the image they think they offer to the world. Age is, in many cases, one of the most relevant factors in this type of concern.

In the following lines We will see what age complexes consist of, and several tips on how to deal with them.

• Related article: "The Sociometer Theory: what it is and how it explains self-esteem"

What are age complexes?

Complexes due to one's own age can be understood in many ways, but in the field of psychotherapy the most common is to consider that they consist of a type of discomfort and insecurities associated with beliefs and expectations about what it means to be our age, when we perceive that this age is increasingly moving away from what we assume is the optimal moment of our journey vital.

To practice, In most cases, people who experience this consider that this "optimal moment" is what we usually understand by youth.

, and they also assume that this is the phase of life that is best valued (or perhaps even the only one positively valued) by others.

Now, as occurs in practically all psychological phenomena associated with self-esteem, the age complexes do not have an innate origin or a biological process in our brain triggered by our genes.

It is important to highlight the latter, because age complexes are not a form of discomfort that inherently appears in us for the simple fact of having our birthday. Although we may not realize it, there is a whole series of social and cultural dynamics that favor the appearance of these complexes and that put us in situations where it is easy to become uncomfortable with our age as we move away from adulthood young.

Otherwise, this phenomenon would occur in all human cultures, but it is not the case. And in fact, the concept of "youth" is also, to some extent, very mobile and with somewhat arbitrary limits, or at least socially consensual.

That is why in age complexes it is not possible to fully distinguish between the way we see ourselves when looking in a mirror and what we assume that others think when they see us, The awareness of objective elements, such as the time that has passed since we were born and the appearance that our body has, is mixed with beliefs and ideas about what it means socially to be that age and look that way in the context in which we live. Fortunately, this also implies that by modifying certain mental schemes and contexts to which we expose ourselves, we may also be able to reinforce our self-acceptance.

What to do to overcome these insecurities?

The most effective way to overcome age complexes is to attend psychotherapy. And in many cases, it is the only way to achieve significant progress and proper self-esteem management. that it is maintained over time in a consistent way, especially in those people who suffer a lot from this reason.

However, there are several key ideas that can be helpful. Let's see what they are.

1. Get used to questioning the standards of what is considered beautiful

As I advanced before, the complexes due to the age that we have they are almost always mediated by what we think others think about us. This happens especially in a society like ours, in which youth prevails, or adolescence directly.

Thus we enter a competition to look in the best possible way in which even the fact of showing disdain for the world of appearances can be read as a personal "feature", a trait that leads us to try to play in the league of rebels and misfits, note the paradox.

What happens is that this fixation for aesthetics occurs mainly from the inside, that is, in the individual mind of each one. Except in the extreme cases of people who give a very good or very bad image, in our day to day we tend not to pay much attention to how others look.

So, It is good that you question the beliefs on which this idealization of youth is based and base your conclusions on what you experience in your day to day. For example: have you considered that in recent decades beauty canons are always directed towards the very young, among others? things because there are many corporations competing to see who happens to better represent "the new" in the eyes of potential buyers? It is a process that has little or nothing to do with aesthetic enjoyment, but rather with creating and maintaining market niches.

• You may be interested in: "What is social psychology?"

2. Check your references

It is very common that those who suffer from age complexes do not have references from their generation or older than oneself. In this way it is easy to consider that everything interesting that happens in society takes place in the younger generations.

This leads us to have the feeling that this is no longer "our world", something totally harmful and irrational in the worst sense of the word (especially taking into account what was commented in the section previous).

3. Get used to spotting troublesome thoughts

Now that you have a certain practice adopting new references, It is time to get used to neutralizing in time those ideas that come to mind many times and wear down our self-esteem with no other foundation than dysfunctional beliefs. To do this, take a small notebook with you and write down the thoughts related to age complexes that come to your mind, including the place and time.

A couple of times a week, review these notes, compare them and look for common elements between those ideas; that will make it easier to recognize why they are artificially created fabrications in combination with social trends, presuppositions, and generally ideas that are not yours, so to speak.

4. Practice self-compassion

Many are surprised when they discover that, as a general rule, the level of self-esteem of the people of the The elderly remains relatively stable and is not clearly lower than that of, for example, the elderly. teenagers. This occurs among other things because at these ages it is more common for the level of acceptance to rise in the face of what we usually consider imperfections. In fact, the idea of ​​aging tends to produce more insecurities than old age itself.

With that in mind, it is worth betting on the practice of self-compassion, the principle by which we assume that We are not perfect entities, nor do we have to stand out above all others in some positive characteristic. The important thing is to stay on track, not to tie our goals to what others achieve. Which brings us to the final tip.

5. Reframe your definition of "getting old"

Most people considered non-youth can do the same activities that most young people are doing; if there are significant limitations, these are only quantitative in nature: not having the same mental agility, not having the same physical resistance, etc.

However, it must be borne in mind that many times we associate “aging” with “limitations” not because of biological limitations (and because of consequently, unavoidable), but for the simple fact that as time passes, we settle more in a way of life in which we we feel comfortable. But we should not mistake this apparent reduction in the variety of day-to-day experiences, or even the number of friendships, with something inherent to our age: if we do not like something, no age is inappropriate to try change it.

Are you looking for psychotherapeutic support?

If there is some aspect of your life that causes you emotional discomfort and you are thinking of going to psychological therapy to overcome these kinds of problems, Get in touch with me. I am a psychologist with more than 25 years of professional experience in psychotherapy, and I specialize in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, attending in person (in Valencia) and online. On this page my contact details are available.

Bibliographic references:

• Allen, A.B. & Leary, M.R. (2014). Self-compassionate Responses to Aging. Gerontologist, 54 (2): pp. 190 - 200.
• Dietz, B.E. (nineteen ninety six). The relationship of aging to self-esteem: the relative effects of maturation and role accumulation. The International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 43 (3): pp. 249 - 266.
• Shallcross, A.J.; Ford, B.Q.; Floerke, V.A.; Mauss, I.B. (2014). Getting better with age: The relationship between age, acceptance, and negative affect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 104 (4): pp. 734 - 749.
• Wagner, J.; Hoppmann, C.; Ram, N.; Gerstorf, D. (2015). Self-Esteem is Relatively Stable Late in Life: The Role of Resources in the Health, Self-Regulation, and Social Domains. Developmental Psychology, 51 (1): pp. 136 - 149.