Thoughts that sabotage us: this is how they act in the mind

Who has not ever had a thought such as “I will not be able to pass that exam”, “I will never get a good job "," I'm worthless "," I'm sure my tablemate will like me "or" I'm not going to find a partner never"? These types of thoughts are known, in psychology, under the name of irrational beliefs.

These thoughts can sometimes appear in isolation, but become a problem when repeated and so constant that they limit and block the person in certain facets and activities of daily life. For example: in the workplace, when establishing social relationships, speaking in public or even when caring for children.

Thus, the worst thing about these beliefs is not only the fact that they are irrational, but that they act by blocking us, like thoughts that sabotage and limit us.

• You may be interested: "What is emotional intelligence? Discovering the importance of emotions"

Limiting thoughts

Since we came into the world, through the education received and the relationships established, we develop a way of thinking and

we create thought schemes in relation to the experiences and situations lived. Through these schemes we are going to interpret the information received from each situation that we live, being for us an objective interpretation based on reality. However, the simple fact of having certain patterns of thought and not others makes us always experience what happens to us subjectively.

That does not mean that our way of thinking is totally "detached" from reality, of course. Some of our beliefs, despite not corresponding perfectly with reality, are realistic enough to work for us. However, others are largely irrational.

These irrational beliefs are misinterpretations of what happens around us. They are negative and automatic thoughts, which are out of our control, it is as if our mind is boycotting us. It is these thoughts that can lead us to develop dysfunctional moods and generate great discomfort, without being aware of it, since for us our thoughts are the reality.

• Related article: "Intrusive thoughts: why they appear and how to manage them"

The magnetism of sabotaging thoughts

Interestingly, even if the limiting thoughts are based on irrational beliefs, that does not make us end up rejecting them when we see that they do not conform to reality. This is so because, by believing in them, they become, in part, a reality.

In fact, the discomfort generated by these beliefs, as well as the tendency to attribute success to luck and failures to our attributes, make Whatever happens we continue to believe in these irrational ideas, which in turn makes us more likely to fail or fail to reach our goals because of fear and fear. anxiety.

An example

From a specific stimulus, a thought will be activated, and from this a chain of events will be generated. Thought is the generator of an emotion and emotion will lead to behavior.

For example, let's think of a person who goes on the subway when suddenly the subway stops in the tunnel due to a breakdown and passengers spend more than thirty minutes locked in the car. Once this episode is over, this person the next day will get on the subway, again, to go to his work.

Once inside the wagon, constant negative and automatic thoughts of the type “surely the subway today stops again "," as it stops again gives me something "," I can not stand here stuck and above with so much people".

These thoughts begin to generate great discomfort in him, he begins to feel that he is short of air, that he cannot breathe, his heart is racing, symptoms which make you worry more and that these "self-restraining thoughts" increase at times, becoming a circle that is unstoppable for the person.

The man decides that the best idea will be to get off the car at the next stop, even if it is not his, once he is out he is much better and his thoughts diminish. This is avoidance behavior., seeing in this example to what extent these thoughts can be limiting.

• Related article: "What is the locus of control?"

The learned helplessness

If we get used to feeding these types of irrational beliefs, we fall into the trap; limiting thoughts end up dominating usIn other words, we lose control over them and they become a real time bomb for us. We totally let ourselves be carried away by them. Why? Because for us it is our reality, it is what we have learned to interpret from a given situation.

And it is that our brain always goes further to turn this situation into something catastrophic and without solution. When we are at this point we can act in a passive way, that is, we see that there is nothing to do. This in psychology is known as learned helplessness.; the person is inhibited in certain situations due to the feeling that he has of not being able to do anything and does not respond despite the fact that there are opportunities to change the situation which he avoids.

This can happen, for example, with a type of cognitive error known as thought divination, for example For example, someone will have thought more than once "why am I going to study if I always fail this subject?" There is a real possibility that the person can do something in this situation, perhaps he needs studying or trying harder than with other subjects, but his thought is that he will never approve it.

This idea will have appeared from previous experiences where you have been able to suspend several times, probably appearing the cognitive distortion of catastrophic type "I will never pass this subject, I will go to September, but in September I will not pass either and finally I will never be able to race". This passive position that we adopt in the face of the situation can lead to deep sadness and even to develop depressive feelings, so that you can see the force that our thoughts can have on ourselves.

• Related article: "Learned helplessness: delving into the psychology of the victim"

To do? Possible solutions

It is important that little by little learn to identify your own cognitive distortions and the emotions that are triggered by these thoughts. If you detect them, you will have a greater capacity to control them and prevent them from limiting and dominating you in different areas of our life.

Writing about these thoughts and feelings is also very beneficial. It helps us to externalize and put our discomfort outside of us, allows us to give it a form and a meaning and for a moment we can cut that loop that feeds itself over and over again.

If these types of thoughts constantly assail you, it is because something is not right within you: perhaps have a damaged self-esteem or you have been going through a difficult situation for a while that you do not know how to do front. Heed the signals and alarms that your mind and body set off and they may be warning you that it is time to ask for help. We can help you.