Fear of death: symptom or cause?

The fear of death is natural and responds to the survival instinct that characterizes us as living beings. It is a primary emotion caused by real or supposed danger.

On the other hand, fear has an adaptive and necessary function to survive. In this case, the fear of COVID-19 activates self-care and self-care behaviors.

The pandemic has presented us, without prior notice, a blunt reality about the possible proximity of death to our families, even to ourselves, and today's society hardly knows how to manage it, since it was not prepared for it.

In this society in which material well-being, consumption and leisure are the values ​​that control the system, death did not fit and was kept in an unnatural anonymity.

• Related article: "Grief: coping with the loss of a loved one"

The fear of death and its impact on society

Children do not attend the funerals of their own relatives, even beloved grandparents, or their own parents. Exists as a fictional bubble of protection created by adults that deprives children of awareness of death

, and even the farewell to their loved ones, a ritual necessary to correctly close the cycle of mourning.

When I was a child, I saw the coffins pass through the streets of the town, on the shoulders of relatives, followed by their entourage and revered by all passersby, who bowed in silence in a respectable gesture before the death. The bells announced death just as they rang for joy at moments of celebration in life. The children went with the family to the wake, the relatives accompanied us all together in the pain of the farewell. Many children (called altar boys) accompanied the priest in the extreme unction. And all this gave us a more realistic, responsible and less reckless perspective on life than that perceived by young people today.

All this pedagogical obscurantism in our current society, has triggered an emotional response from people who often become somatized, in some cases to develop severe anxiety, depression or the loss of adequate adaptive skills in stressful situations.

Many are the children, adolescents and adults (especially essential and health workers) who come to my practice from the start of the coronavirus pandemic with various symptoms, but all of them hide fear and, especially, fear of death.

The fear of the death of loved ones and of death itself has skyrocketed. But are we only talking about death as a fact that is part of life? No, there are many ramifications: fear of dying alone, fear of dying with suffering and pain, fear of not finding the right meaning to life itself, fear of not having lived long enough to fulfill our dreams, fear that it will end everything... and many others.

Symptoms

If you feel anxiety, breathing difficulties, dizziness, tremors, sweating, rapid heartbeat, pain in chest and nausea, it is important that you go inside and connect with what is really happening to you, and especially listen and accept your real fearsIt will be easier to deal with them if you identify them.

There are other symptoms that, in addition to occurring in adults, are those that warn about the need for help from children and adolescents. We talk about nightmares, panic attacks, irritability, insomnia, sadness, fear of going outside or going to school and dependency behaviors.

To do?

The best way to overcome the fear of getting sick and dying is to talk about it; suffering in silence can become entrenched and reduce your quality of life. It is good to inform yourself about death and accept reality with a good dose of positive thinking.

In order to help children and adolescents, we have to talk with them as a family, tell them about our loved ones who have already passed away but who are part of our hearts. This it will give them a sense of belonging to the family system and a sense of time, something they need to find a little peace right now and, most of all, it is absolutely It is necessary to listen with interest to what they think about it, their fears and their fantasies about the death. The worst fears are not those that are given to us by life, the worst fears are imaginary ones.

To face the death of a loved one, it is essential to perform a farewell ritual, share these rituals with the children and strengthen cohesion with family and friends. We are all in the same boat. In this historical moment, many are silent about their pain, their fear and their helplessness, not knowing what to do with those emotions.

Feel free to seek help if you need it. You are not alone. If you need professional support, do not hesitate to get in touch with me. I would be glad to help you.