How to deal with defeat: 6 acceptance tips

Being competitive is natural, we all feel good when we have won in a game or sport, since In these situations, our reward system is gratified by feeling like we are victors. But in some moments we will have to lose, and we must know how to face these situations with sportsmanship.

In this article we are going to review various tips on how to deal with defeat, starting from the idea that having lost is not the same as feeling lost. We will see why it is difficult to accept defeats, in addition to a series of recommendations to learn how to manage them.

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Why is it difficult to accept that we have lost?

Defeats represent circumstances that in most cases are somewhat difficult to digest. They are always associated with an unpleasant or uncomfortable feeling. To answer the question of how to deal with defeat, we must understand why it is so difficult for us to achieve this acceptance of what is happening.

In human beings there is a psychological dynamic called

reward system. This system works from biological and innate aspects, and also from breeding (that is, from learning), and leads us to try to perform the actions that make us feel good, and avoid those that make us feel bad. Therefore, winning means that we stand out positively in something, which motivates us, while losing is the other side of the coin. Without these experiences of defeat, we would not care not to learn or develop our skills.

Some people are more competitive than others because they have been raised in such a way, but inevitably we all dislike losing. The idea of ​​defeat is culturally associated with weakness and represents the uncomfortable fact of accepting that someone has been superior to us in a certain context.

Just as animals compete with each other to see who gets a certain prey or a certain space of On the ground, people do it for personal glory and gratification, concepts that are only understood by human beings. humans.

Unlike animals, we can determine the causes of defeats in a very abstract sense, learning from them to strengthen our capacities, and to become better in certain aspects that we needed to perfect. To achieve this level of compression it is necessary to know how to overcome the defeats properly.

How to face the defeats?

In the next lines we are going to see a list of tips on how to properly manage defeats so that we can make the best of them. Let's see it.

1. Reframe your idea of ​​defeat

When we are competing, the possible scenarios that exist are diverse: we can win, we can lose, or in some cases, we could even get a draw. It is important that you familiarize yourself with all these scenarios, and change your perception of them.

In case of defeat, it is not appropriate to see it as a total loss, and to feel that we have wasted our time and effort during the competition or during the preparation for it. Losses only indicate that we can do better, and they show us which are the aspects that we must improve for this.

So as you start to see losses as an opportunity to improve, you will notice how many things start to make sense. and you understand more clearly the reasons that explain that you have lost, which will allow you to increase your chances of success for the future.

2. Manage your emotions

Managing emotions is an essential process to be able to accept defeats. The ideal is to have the ability to recognize negative emotions that arise when we have lost, frustration, helplessness, anger, etc. This serves to limit the power they have in us.

Once you recognize your emotions, you must accept that they are the product of defeat and prevent them from dominating you. Understand that these are fleeting emotions and that the sooner you turn the page, the sooner you can get down to work to see where you need to improve.

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3. Leave defeat in the past

Once the analysis of the defeat is done, it's time to turn the page and move on with the learning that this has left you. You will not gain anything positive if you keep the image of defeat in your mind for a long time, you will only get frustration and generate anxiety about the possibility of losing again.

4. Recognize the effort made

Despite not having won in the competition, it is important that you have the ability to recognize all the effort you put into preparing to compete, this must represent a victory for you on a personal level that no one can take away from you.

Competition is the last stage in a process that begins when we prepare for it. All your previous preparation, the time you invested and the knowledge you acquired stay with you and no one but you can properly value that.

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5. Learn to handle criticism

Losses are often accompanied by negative criticism, which can make the process of getting over the fact of asking even more complicated. People who take criticism as completely negative only sabotage themselves and sink deeper into their own frustration.

We must understand that criticism is a collateral effect of not having won or even the simple fact of having tried, and that not all criticism should be given importance. It is good to be selective about the people we surround ourselves with and especially those who listen to criticism. In some cases these opinions help us to improve, and in others they only exist as unfounded criticisms, to harm us.

6. Take responsibility

We must know how to recognize when we have been the main responsible for the defeat. Assuming that making serious mistakes is normal and expected in any person.

It is true that sometimes there are aspects that can escape our control, fortuitous situations specific to the context and that can harm us. But when we have lost due to a specific failure of us, we must be able to recognize it and accept responsibility for it. It is about guiding our Control locus internally and avoid redirecting all responsibility for defeat to other things.

Do you need professional psychological help?

In cases where the emotional distress is very intense, it may be necessary to go to psychotherapy professionals. In particular, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can be of great help to process the feelings linked to the experience of defeat and the emotional imbalances that affect the self-esteem.

Through the psychotherapy process, you will learn to manage your emotions and learn from the mistakes that may have predisposed you to reach that situation.

Bibliographic references:

• Hayes, S.C. (2004). Acceptance and commitment therapy, relational frame theory, and the third wave of behavioral and cognitive therapies. Behavior therapy, 35, 639-665.
• Maddi, S. R., & Kobasa, S. C. (1984). The hardy executive: Health under stress. Homewood, IL: Dow Jones-Irwin.
• Oñate, M. (1989). The self-concept. Formation, measurement and implications in the personality. Madrid. Narcea.