Why Women Apologize More Than Men

Social life, that which we share with others, brings with it innumerable advantages, but it is not without its problems. However, when these small frictions with others appear, not everyone shows the same propensity to apologize.

In fact, you don't even have to classify people according to the details of their personality traits to to know if it is more or less possible for him to say "sorry": just go to the most basic division of all: men and women. The former are significantly more reluctant to apologize. But... why?

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Why many women apologize for everything

It has been proven that women tend to apologize more than men, but the differences between the sexes on this issue do not end there. Women also tend to report having committed more offenses or breaches. Is this because the female sex is more likely to cross the line of what is morally correct? Not really.

The difference is in what each one considers that it is to cross that line. In other words,

women are more sensitive to their own behaviors that can be considered reason to apologize, while this threshold is higher in men, causing a greater number of these faults to go unnoticed as such. Having committed the same attack, the woman will be more likely to apologize while the man, in many cases, will not even consider the option of doing so because he does not believe that he has done something wrong.

It is easy to conclude that this is because men are insensitive to the suffering they sometimes cause, perhaps as a consequence of their somewhat more aggressive character. However, there is no reason to think that this is the explanation for this phenomenon. The cause may actually be that many women apologize when they have no real reason to do so.

A problem linked to gender?

Many gender studies coincide in pointing out that traditionally, and even today in most countries, the role of women has been explicitly linked to caring for the home and to attend to the domestic needs of the rest of the family. Thus, beyond the husband's work obligations, it is assumed that the wife takes care of everything else.

In this sense, any problem that occurs with any member of the family and that has to do with with housework will always be recognized as a lack of responsibility on the part of the woman.

If one day the husband is about to go to work and realizes that he does not have a snack ready to take with him to the office, the wife will instantly recognize that she has made a mistake... even when it's not actually committing it. Normally these types of details are not the result of a negotiation, but the result of automatic gender role assignment. If the custom is for the wife to prepare something to eat for the husband, the day this is not fulfilled there is a reason to ask for forgiveness.

What is significant about this, however, is that this custom becomes so internalized by women that they can apply it to all areas of their lives that are beyond the domestic. That is why it is possible to find very young women, even single and living in an apartment for themselves, who they are more likely to ask for forgiveness even in front of people they have seen for the first time. The reason is that they have inherited the culture of "when in doubt, apologize."

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Regrets that parasitize

The problem with many women asking for forgiveness excessively goes beyond reinforcing the idea that they have more reasons to apologize by doing the same thing as men. In addition to this, they get used to assuming the guilt of facts for which they do not have to take responsibility, and seeing life through this prism is a very bitter thing.

On the one hand, very few people around them have reason to point out this error, since receiving an undeserved apology puts them in a situation of power; it is easier not to contradict the version of the person asking for forgiveness. On the other hand, getting used to apologizing for everything makes us, little by little, convince ourselves that we do not deserve anything.

Being aware many times a week that we have reason to apologize, whether it is true or not, undermines one's self-esteem and he perpetuates this vicious cycle. With low self-esteem, it is easier to assume that in an ambiguous situation, if someone should ask for forgiveness it is oneself or, in this case, oneself.

Thus, to break with this self-destructive dynamic of asking for permission even to breathe, it is necessary to question gender roles, first, and cultivate self-esteem, later. For the first, a lot of work is needed, and seeking the solidarity of people in a similar situation. For the second, a good start is simply to look back and reflect on those situations in which we utter a "sorry" in vain.