6 keys to avoid absurd couple arguments

The Couple relationships They are usually contexts in which all emotions are magnified. Often in them the emotional impact of an apparently trivial event is much more powerful than in any other situation and type of interaction. Love It simply makes our emotional side take over much of our behavior, for better or for worse.

That is why it is very important to learn to solve those absurd arguments that occur within the relationship, so that they do not leave a mark on our way of thinking about (and interacting with) the other person.

Distinguishing absurd disputes from those that are not

Now, the first thing we have to do to prevent these problems is to analyze to what extent the history of discussions with our partner is full of disputes that, indeed, they are absurd if they are analyzed with some coldness once they have passed.

How do you know to distinguish meaningless discussions from those that are not? To do this, we must ask ourselves to what extent the discussions and moments of discomfort are due or not to communication. If a reasonable explanation for much of these discussions can be based on a problem of communication and expectations, there are many numbers of that a good part of them are "silly" discussions, in the sense that what produces them in a communication deficit and a misperception of the things.

It can be difficult to reach this conclusion, but for this we have a powerful tool: the opinions of others. Other people, whose interests are not compromised by the existence of our relationship and who have seen first-hand great Part of the discussions we have had and the reasons that have produced them, will help us to have the most objective possible vision of the subject.

We must combine this resource with a sincere and honest effort on our part when it comes to coldly analyze what has happened to us, and the situations that have given rise to the disputes.

Avoiding toxic relationships

What if, after this stage of reviewing past discussions, we come to the conclusion that the fundamental problem is not communication? Several things can happen: either we make mistakes, which is always possible, or the problems of communication are the consequence of other more serious problems related or not with our relationship, or are we living one of the so-called toxic relationships.

Toxic relationships are those in which there are serious structural problems in the functioning of the relationship: problems that are very difficult to correct and that seriously damage the well-being of one of the people or both. This generic category also includes those relationships in which there is clear abuse and an unequal power relationship in which one person dominates the other. To learn more about toxic relationships you can read this article.

Preventing pointless arguments

At this point, we already know that silly arguments have too much impact on our relationship, which is why we are interested in preventing them from happening again.

We also know that this is a problem that can be solved, even in the medium and long term, since unlike what happens in relationships toxic, what produces it is not something structural, but rather superficial and that can be corrected by learning and unlearning certain behaviors. For this they are precisely the keys to avoid silly couple discussions presented below.

Keys to avoid discussions of this type

These are some principles to follow in the mission of making the life of a couple enter another dynamic of relationships, another phase.

Although what you want to correct is not part of the core of the relationship nor can it be associated with a toxic relationship, that is not means that managing it is an easy task, because this is a mission in which both members of the couple have to be involved. Thus, the best thing would be to reinforce the application of these keys with couples therapy sessions.

1. The first contact

We start from a situation in which there is an asymmetry: we want to start preventing and managing more or less systematically absurd couple discussions, but the other person still does not knows. The first step of a project based on improving communication between two people is, of course, to communicate it to them. And to do so, you have to take advantage of a moment of calm, in which the mood of both is good and the reciprocated displays of affection are possible. You also need to make sure you have plenty of time to talk.

In this way, the two components of the relationship will associate the beginning of this plan with that pleasant context in which they began to take their first steps, and will interpret this initiative as what it is.: a mission based on goodwill and the re-establishment of strong and solid emotional ties. On the other hand, if we start this phase during or right after an argument, the other person is most likely to adopt a defensive attitude.

The explanation should be simple, honest and communicated spontaneously, without following a rigid script, so that the nonverbal language fully adapts to what is being said.

2. Examining past situations

Once the first step has been taken, and immediately afterwards, if possible, it is advisable to recall past absurd discussions together and talk about your own point of view and what at the time was thought to be seen. This will make us learn things that we did not know about how the other person views the relationship, and what their expectations are and the elements that they value the most.

If this first talk takes place about motivations that may interest both members of the couple for Likewise, the simple fact of having had a dialogue of this type for the first time is by itself very beneficial.

3. Avoiding reproaches

In remembrance of past discussions, there is a danger that the two components of a couple must avoid: falling into reproaches.

This does not mean that you cannot express things that at the time caused us anger (in fact, it is advisable to do so), but that we have to pay attention to the way in which the one that we communicate them so that they do not sound like a show of revenge in which we mainly seek that the other person repents and recognizes that we are right. That is, it is a question of forms, not of content..

4. Scheduling talks about the status of the relationship

At this point, you may have been talking about it for a long time, so it is best to end the first talk.

However, the completion of this first session (as it is a self-therapy session, however improvised and informal it may be) both members of the couple have to commit to spend a moment again talking about how they perceive the relationship, to give their point of view on possible real or potential conflicts, etc.

5. Giving up the internet as a means of communicating a lot

One of the measures to be implemented is, directly, reach an agreement to use the internet only to communicate the essential and the most objective. The displays of affection sent through a chat can be fine if they are simple, but they should not be part of an overly elaborate speech. Real communication should be reserved only for situations where the dialogue is face-to-face.

The objective of this is to eliminate spaces in which communication is ambiguous in the moments in which we are learning to adopt the point of view of the other person. Later, when it is perceived that the absurd discussions have subsided, you can use the chats again without restrictions.

6. Creating action protocols

In one of these talks protocols can be set to carry out on those discussions that we think are based on nothing, that is to say, in the lack of dialogue. For example, it can consist of a simple gesture. However, in order not to detract from this symbol, a firm commitment is necessary not to use this as a resource to escape discussions based on something serious.