Psychological games: what are they and what are they for?

How many times have you participated or immersed yourself directly or indirectly in psychological games?

I assure you that there are many, and you will not have found a good ending in any of them. You may be aware that you often fall into the same situations getting the same answers, but surely you are completely unaware of why this is happening to you.

What are psychological games?

Two don't play if one doesn't want to.

Eric Berne, psychiatrist and founder of the theory of Transactional Analysis (A.T.) explained psychological games as a dysfunctional form of communication used to cover needs for attention, recognition and affection towards the person himself, although always in a negative. We talk about games in mode no fun, that is to say, in these you always lose, which entails an enormous emotional cost, both for those who initiate them and for those who join or participate in them.

In this type of solitary confinement, gadgets are used to manipulate and persuade the receiver, unconsciously the most of the time, but used repeatedly until resentment and interpersonal failure appear.

How do you play?

In any psychological game there is a systematic action, that is, it begins in the Bait, which is the move made by the first player and then a continuity reaction is witnessed if the other person decides to participate. It should be noted that the first player always wins. To understand more clearly how these games are established, we can resort to a practical example with the use of the game: "yes, but ..."

Person A: I have many problems in my relationship, if we continue like this I don't know how we will end ...

Person B: Why don't you guys split up?

Person A: Yes, but if we separate, how will we divide up custody of the children?

Person B: You can reach an agreement and keep it yourself. By schedules you can combine it better.

Person A: Yes, but I have 3 children, I alone will not be able to carry everything as I should.

Person B: You can find someone to help you ...

Person A: Yes, but it would be an economic expense that I could not afford

Person B: "Silence"

This silence offered by person B It is the result of the victory of the one who starts the game. But still, person A could finish the play by adding "you see it, I can't separate." In this case we see how Person A has joined the game after hearing the first yes, but… has introduced at this time the new role of “I only try to help you"

Types of psychological games

Psychological games are varied, Berne classifies them according to themes and scenarios, but We can stand out from power games, to sexual or couple games, among others. The most prominent are always located in marital, life, meeting or consulting scenarios.

In this case we can highlight the dramatic Karpman triangle contributed by R. Kertész to highlight the change in theoretical roles that two or more people can follow during the games, in this case the roles of persecutor, savior and victim will give rise to characters of the type "Yes, but ..." "Explain your sorrows" or "Everything goes wrong", consecutively.

Aims and purposes of psychological games

According to E. Berne the three main reasons why a person unconsciously engages in these games are the following:

1. To guard against the fear of being unmasked and that the true "me" is thus exposed
2. To avoid discomfort that can promote intimacy
3. To ensure that others do what they want to do

These are the main reasons given by the author, but in general we could say that they are used for the purpose to manipulate others instead of establishing healthy relationships and to show that you are a certain way in front of others the rest.

The reality is that the use of these games is learned at an early age and then they are systematically repeated throughout the life of the child. person, until he becomes aware of its use and tries to remedy it if he observes that these acts are slowing down and harming his lifetime. Most of the games they destroy the true personality and increase the vulnerability of the person, affect most areas of life, consume energy and cause really high levels of frustration, as well as the establishment of unhealthy and degraded relationships, basically providing discontent and conflict situations for the individual.

How to detect when we are facing a psychological game?

Well, frankly, if we remain vigilant, it will not be difficult to discover the first signs of these games, however you can apply different questions to identify them more easily.

• How does the game start?
• As follows?
• What answers do you get?
• How you feel?
• How does the situation end?

Once these questions are applied we can look for alternative behaviors to prevent or avoid falling into these games. As long as we are aware of the existence of certain behaviors, it will be easier for us to orient ourselves towards a different situation and avoid certain errors.

How to limit and stop this type of game?

From the psychological point of view, breaking these games is the first step to overcome resistance and obtain healthy and direct situations and relationships with others.

• We must know the dynamics and operation of games to prevent and stop them
• Reflect on the benefits of continuing to play the game or stopping it
• Think of alternatives to cover personal needs and deficiencies
• Find mechanisms and tools to use when someone involves us in a game

Some games to consider

"Why not…? Yes, but... "

Purpose: The person seeks to be reassured from a child's perspective, surrounding the position of the father

"I'm going to show you" or "Mine is better"

Purpose: Competitiveness to seek the final triumph

"We are going to fight you and him"

Purpose: The protagonist seeks that others fight without intervening himself, thus satisfying his psychological position

"Look what you have forced me to do"

Purpose: Avoid responsibility through justification and the "I am not guilty"

"How do you get out of this situation?"

Purpose: The person gets involved in difficult or complicated situations in order to be saved

Some conclusions ...

In short, through psychological games it is sought, through transactions between the parent, the adult and the child represented in the transactional analysis, highlight the weaknesses of the other to achieve a final benefit, which is never achieved in a positive way.

The game itself is always a risk for the player
—Gadamer 1970: 149