How to know if you have gone from a normal grief to a pathological grief

The loss of a loved one has a psychological impact that is almost always accompanied by emotional pain. Even when in the first minutes after hearing the news of the death, they do not react by expressing feelings in a very intense way, this ends up happening sooner or later in the following hours or days.

All of this is natural: feeling extremely sad about the death of a father, sister or daughter is something to be expected and does not indicate the presence of a psychological disorder. However, this discomfort can develop so much that it ends up leading to a real problem.

We will talk about this topic in the next paragraphs: about how know when to go from normal grief to pathological grief.

• Related article: "Grief: coping with the loss of a loved one"

What is grief in psychology?

In the field of psychology, grief is a phenomenon characterized by a series of sensations and behaviors linked to psychological discomfort that appear after or shortly after being aware of the loss of something with which we experienced a strong emotional connection affective or even love.

This means that although grief typically occurs upon learning that a friend or family member has died, it can also arise in a wide variety of situations: when suffering a amputation, when moving and losing the daily deal with friends, feeling that you are getting old quickly, when separating from a car that we have owned since our youth, etc.

After a while, people they get used to living in a world in which what or those they miss no longer exist except as memories, they turn the page and learn to have the ability to feel joy and, in general, to be happy. In this way, normal grief (the one that occurs in the vast majority of cases and leads to a phase of recovery and disappearance of symptoms) can be expressed through these symptoms typical:

Crying crisis

It is very common to experience moments when you cannot stop crying for several minutes.

Yearning

The person's thoughts are focused on the recollection of past experiences with that person or object that has been lost and that is missed. Memories are often mixed with imagination.

• You may be interested: "The 6 differences between sadness and depression"

To feel down

In general, little motivation to engage in tasks is experienced, despite the fact that some people try to focus on an activity to avoid thinking about what makes them sad.

Irregular sleep pattern

People who are going through a normal period of grief frequently report problems sleeping within normal hours, either because are slow to fall asleep or because they fall asleep quickly due to exhaustion but wake up too early or several times during the night.

The transition from normal grief to pathological grief: how to recognize it

Now that we know in general terms what grief is, let's look at a series of key ideas to recognize those moments in which normal grief turns into pathological grief. Keep in mind that these are only guidelines, and the true diagnosis can only be carried out by mental health professionals in both psychology and psychiatry.

In any case, it must be specified that although we refer to this phenomenon as “pathological crying, this does not mean that it is an event that occurs in an isolated manner in the person, such and as could happen with the bleeding of a real wound, nor that the person who suffers this emotional alteration is a "crazy" person, much less a person who is going to stay like that all his lifetime.

1. Crying spells are uncontrollable and don't go away

When about two weeks have passed, crying spells occur almost every day and are totally uncontrollable, so that they occur in an involuntary and unexpected way Even in a company meeting or when going to pick up the children from school, we can be faced with a pathological grief that requires professional attention.

2. Recurring sleep problems

If after two weeks there are problems sleeping each night, this may be damaging us physically and psychologically and therefore may be a sign that the grief is taking an excessively intense course and harmful.

3. Suicidal ideas appear

Suicidal ideation is always a warning sign that reveals the presence of possible psychological complications capable of evolving into a mental disorder. Of course, this depends on the emotional charge of those thoughts: It is not the same to think of suicide as an abstract concept than to imagine oneself committing suicide, to fantasize about the different alternatives in which one can kill oneself, and even search the Internet for ways to do it so that death is quick and painless.

4. Social relationships begin to deteriorate

Everyone understands that in a grieving phase it is normal to seek a certain degree of loneliness (although in some cases the opposite is sought). However, if this isolation lasts for several weeks and the attitude towards others is indifferent or hostile, we are facing one of the symptoms of pathological grief.

To do?

The main recommendation to follow in case you suspect that you are experiencing pathological grief is that you go to the psychologist. In fact, this is something that can be done also in the case of normal duel, taking into account that the benefits of psychotherapy are noted whether or not there is an emotional disturbance that can be considered a disorder.

But the importance of receiving professional help becomes more evident when grief severely damages our quality of life and threatens to become a chronic discomfort. In these cases, Quickly tackling this phenomenon helps to avoid going through very painful experiences and that our state of sadness and longing affects other areas of our lives for months.

In the Institute of Psychode Psychology It is common to treat people who go through a too intense grief, and for this reason we know that not the right tools are perfectly go from believing condemned to unhappiness, at first, to accepting the loss and moving forward with a constructive mindset, after going through therapy.

Bibliographic references:

• Worden, W.J. (2004). Treatment of grief: psychological counseling and therapy. Barcelona: Paidós.