4 keys to finding harmony in a house with children

"Come on, hurry up, we're not here, come on! "," You have not finished your snack yet, what are you waiting for? "," Wait, your brother is crying "," I'll be right away honey, Mom is with you in 10 minutes, I'm coming, wait,…, I can't handle everything, now voooooy, what do you want to play? Why don't you want to play? with me? But I am not angry ”.

Children soak up the energy we transmit and they end up mimicking our emotional responses. Our children do not live in the world of haste like we do, nor do they feel overwhelmed by an excess of responsibilities. However, they give similar responses of nervousness or restlessness, because they blend in with our emotional states. We infect them with our moods and stress, and then we are surprised that they have tantrums, are irritable, or more disobedient.

As adults we get angry and do not understand why in the worst moments children disobey even more. Possibly we are causing it ourselves without realizing it. For this great reason, harmony in the home begins with our own serenity.

• Related article: "The 8 types of family conflicts and how to manage them"

Achieve harmony in a home with children

The answer is simpler than you might expect. Creating habits and routines.

Nature has a seasonal rhythm, and people also have it with sleep-wake cycles. Children who live in an environment of habits are calmer, because they are certain of what is coming next.

However, in homes where the parents do not maintain certain routines, the children are expectant, they accelerate and cannot flow with harmony.

How can I do it?

Next we will see several keys to achieve create a harmonious environment within our own home:

1. Make the activities to be carried out in your home predictable

With young children it is better to warn them of what is going to happen, always using the same "warning signs".

For example, if it is time to wash our hands to eat, we can always sing the same song that indicates that we are going to do it. After the song and the hygiene, They will associate that it is time to sit down to eat. After several sequences, just by hearing the song the children will know what time it is and what is expected of them.

Although it seems to parents that it is always the same, it is good for children to live in an environment where they know what is going to happen; his restlessness goes down and a certain harmony is breathed. When children learn these rhythms, unforeseen events diminish, there are fewer disputes, bonds are strengthened, and there is more choice and even time for play.

If routines are disturbed, the tension will appear and the rush will boycott the harmony. For example, if they call us on the phone, return the call at another time, if the children want to extend the park time, know how to politely say that it is time to go and prepare dinner. Although these guidelines may seem rigid, they will help us avoid yelling, anger, and disputes.

• You may be interested: "How to improve the emotional education of children, in 15 keys"

2. Respect the rhythms and hours of sleep

Children between 6 and 12 years old need to sleep, according to the WHO, ten to twelve hours a day. Those little ones who sleep the time that corresponds to their age they have better academic performance and score higher in intelligence. In addition, sleep stimulates growth hormone and promotes good metabolism of the child, helps memory and concentration.

At Psicode, we meet parents who come with the demand to decrease the bad behavior of their children. In some cases, as the baby's sleep is regulated, she rests more and has an environment of routines, the observed results are surprising.

Many times the guilt that parents feel for sending them to bed early and not having time to be with them is the reason for putting off bedtime. However, then those extra minutes make the fatigue the next day break the harmony at home.

We invite you to do the test, to put your little ones to bed one hour ahead. You will be surprised not only how the relationship with them improves, but also with your partners.

3. Teach gratitude

Teach them the habit of thanking, being kind and practicing it as a whole family. Let them observe how asking for things please, or thanking them, helps to generate more harmony in the environment.

Being grateful, even internally with the little things that happen to us, will help them to be children more optimistic, happier and able to seek challenges and possibilities where others only see problems.

We propose, as an activity, that before going to sleep, we give thanks for several things. We can do it with questions such as: "Why was it a lucky day for you?", "What good things have happened to you today?", "Why would you give thanks today?"

4. Teaches how to listen to silence

In the society we live in, with access to the Internet, we are constantly overstimulated. Children experience a barrage of stimuli that make them intolerant of silence. They continually seek that frenetic pace to which they are accustomed, asking questions of continuously, turning on the television, having "giddy" thoughts that later become on mental rumination.

From time to time, you can go into silence. It is a gateway to serenity. Another way to find harmony.

We advise helping children to collect themselves. If we see that they are quiet or thoughtful, respect that moment without interrupting them with questions or instructions. Also we can play to be silent 5 minutes and enjoy the sounds of the environment (especially in nature).

Enjoying the silence we obtain serenity in our home

If you think that your home lacks harmony and you don't know how to handle conflicts with your children or yourself partner, do not hesitate to ask for advice at the Institute of Psychode Psychology in Madrid (Tel: 910000209).