Family conflicts at Christmas: 5 practical tips on what to do

Despite the idyllic image of Christmas that is presented to us in movies, advertisements and other media, the truth is that For some people, Christmas is a period that is far from that image.

The memory of childhood memories linked to Christmas, getting together with relatives with whom perhaps there is no good relationship, the evidence of the absence of some people who will not be with us again, having to contact us to organize Christmas with the ex-partner to be with the children and other situations can lead us to a state of complicated anxiety of manage.

At the same time, vacations and more time together than the rest of the year can make increasing tensions in some families. In addition, the current health situation forces us this year to have to change some ways of organizing around these dates, which may increase some conflicts.

• Related article: "The 11 types of conflicts (and how to solve them)"

Conflicts and tensions during Christmas as a family: what to do?

Each person has a specific situation that can cause different problems or difficulties. Separated families, recent married couples or couples who reunite with their own family and in-laws, people without family or without the possibility of reuniting with their relatives, among others, they will suppose different emotions and tessitura that approach.

For this, it is important to take into account some questions that, in general, can help us to spend this period in a more satisfactory way.

1. It is not Christmas that causes the conflict

The root of these tensions is something that surely has a long journey or a concern that we carry at different times that involve a meeting. It is interesting that we can consider this moment as an opportunity to do things differently, so that we get different results.

2. Let's accept that no family is perfect

It is normal for families to have conflicts, friction and disagreements. Identifying what usually causes these disagreements can help us to prevent these situations this time. that often trigger problems.

3. Let's try to be empathetic

Although not all scenarios are justifiable, sometimes we can think about what these conflicts mean for other people. Although it obviously causes us discomfort, sometimes we can think about how it can affect the partner or the children, for example.

You also need to understand that each person has their lights and their shadows and that there will be some aspects that we will not see in the same way. Avoiding controversial topics and trying to find other more neutral ones can help us generate more pleasant conversations.

• You may be interested in: "Empathy, much more than putting yourself in someone else's shoes"

4. Put limits

Sometimes expressing how we feel or what the situation is generating can help us, both to make the other person aware of what is happening, and to help the conflict not escalate. The other person may not see that what they are saying to us is offensive, upsetting, or not funny.

5. Know the times

Let us be aware that those moments of family reunion areor it is time to resolve the conflicts that we have with any of the members of the meeting. It may be more convenient to postpone that conversation or to be able to speak privately.

How to approach the problem from psychotherapy?

In therapy, we can address these types of conflicts that can occur in the family. Knowing the type of relationship and communication that the person who attends therapy and the family establish can help us to know the guidelines and patterns in which these problems are based. A) Yes, there is also a self-knowledge about the position, function and roles that one / one plays in the family, being able to redefine it if it is convenient.

Also, implicit and explicit rules, loyalties, myths and norms, and / or taboo topics can underlie some triggers in family conflicts. Conflicts of a personal nature are also sometimes intertwined in these issues, with management gaining importance. what we do about conflicts in general, our way of interpreting reality, internal concerns, etc.

The consultation can become a scenario where we prepare ourselves for these situations, learning communication strategies, conflict resolution and skills that help us enjoy encounters and reunions with the family. Prevent escalations, control emotions and get out of previous behaviors and thoughts dysfunctional to implement other more adaptive may be some of the techniques to use.

Bibliographic references:

• Castro Fernández de Lara, J. L. (2016). Christmas. Sad, expensive and commercial Christmas.
• Borisoff, D., & Victor, D. TO. (1991). Conflict management. Editions Díaz de Santos.
• Watzlawick, P., Bavelas, J. B., & Jackson, D. D. (2011). Theory of human communication: interactions, pathologies and paradoxes. Herder Editorial.
• Boscolo, L., & Bertrando, P. (1987). The systemic therapy of Milan. TO. Roizblatt, Family and Couples Therapy, 224-243.