Emotional abandonment: what is it and how can it affect us?

We all want to be accepted and loved, whether by our family, partner or group of friends, since the Social relationships are something that is within human nature and we always want them to be the healthiest possible.

However, it sometimes happens that we feel that a loved one does not pay enough attention to us or that he is distant and cold, without knowing exactly what it is due to.

Emotional abandonment is something that can be experienced with deep suffering and not everyone has to manifest the same consequences. In this article we will address this feeling, in addition to relating it to some disorders in which it takes on an important role.

• Recommended article: "Feeling of abandonment: 7 signs that it affects you"

What is meant by emotional abandonment?

The term ‘emotional abandonment’ is something difficult to define, since it depends on how each one experiences it and the meaning they give it. Trying to define it in the most objective way possible, emotional abandonment is a subjective state in which a person you feel unwanted, neglected, or that a source of emotional sustenance has been lost, either suddenly or gradually.

As it is a situation of abandonment, the breakdown of the emotional bond occurs unilaterallyIn other words, one of the two people involved in the relationship, be it family, friendship or intimate, ceases to be part of it without prior notice or very abruptly. When this happens, the other person, who feels attached to the one who has abandoned him, suffers the emotional consequences as a result of being rejected.

Signals

Whether in a couple, between friends or in a family, there are several signs that a situation of emotional abandonment is taking place.

However, these can be so subtle that they are not perceived and there is no alarm situation. Although they can be very simple behaviors and that apparently are not done with bad intention, in the long run they become very harmful. Some of the most common signs are:

1. Talk about routine and superficial topics

When two people who love each other only spend a few minutes a day chatting, talking about bland topics like the weather, can degenerate into a situation where one of them does not feel loved enough by the other.

Also, in the realm of friendships or with the family, this can make the relationship go away in the long run. cooling, making people with whom you share a lot, like blood, appear whole unknown.

2. When there are other people, each one speaks only with his own

Sometimes it happens that when you go out with your partner, one of the lovers is more related to the group of friends than the other, or they do not share the same friendships.

Although it does not have to be a sign that indicates something serious, the fact that each of the two is dedicated to talking with your friends and leaving the other aside may indicate that there is a certain intention to ‘rest’ from the partner.

If this situation is repeated several times, it may indicate that both have an interest in ignoring each other when there are other people, taking advantage of this social situation.

3. Distrust

When two people, be they siblings, parents, friends or boyfriends, feel that they cannot count on the other for important matters, it is a clear indicator that there is a lack of trust.

At the same time, lack of confidence contributes to a situation of emotional abandonmentBecause the victim feels that she is not taken seriously enough or valued, a very painful situation.

4. Disinterest in the affection of the other

Human beings, as social animals that we are, need affection. Caresses, hugs, kisses and words of praise are aspects that, although they may seem trivial, they are not.

When a person who is loved does not respond correctly to these acts, or gives little importance to them, it can generate a feeling of rejection.

A good relationship is one in which both feel equally loved, and reciprocate when showing affectionate acts.

Consequences and associated disorders

People who have been emotionally abandoned can manifest a wide range of associated problems, which can vary in terms of its severity and impact on daily life. The most common types of symptoms are usually depressive, such as sadness, loss of interest in activities that before were pleasant as well as avoiding interacting with other people, either out of fear of being hurt again or lack of desire.

It should be said that these types of situations are part of everyone's life, and that is why one should not fall into the error that the Suffering emotional abandonment will necessarily imply the development of a psychological disorder, however it can be a factor of risk. A person who is going through a process of this type can function in a totally adapted way in their day-to-day life, only that they will do so through a bad streak.

1. Separation anxiety

This type of anxiety is seen by many as an important source of anguish and dysfunction in the individual..

The separation from the caregiver creates a situation that is a breeding ground for the perception of emotional abandonment.

Losing a relationship creates uncertainty in the individual. Not knowing whether or not the loved one will return, be it a parent or a partner, along with the fear of not knowing if this adversity can be overcome generates emotional tension.

Separation anxiety can make the person suffering from it wonder things like if he / she is worthy of love, if he / she is responsible for the partner, friend or relative has left him aside, if she is going to be able to find another person…

This, combined with the discomfort that the feeling of abandonment already causes, makes the person constantly self-evaluate, looking for defects and weak points.

2. Psychological Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Although this may be due to an extreme case, the truth is that there are people who manifest symptoms of the PTSD when a relationship with a loved one is broken.

Living constantly with emotional suffering can generate a traumatic situationAlthough it does not have to become pathological, it will produce important consequences in the way the person behaves.

If the break in the relationship was abrupt, the person may fear that, in future relationships, this event will happen again, living a situation of constant fear that the past will repeat itself.

3. Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

Among the most characteristic symptoms of BPD are the fear of criticism and social rejection, as well as a great fear of being abandoned.

People who suffer from this disorder are very sensitive in relation to other people, as well as difficulty controlling their emotions and impulsivity.

It can also be accompanied by insecurity regarding your own identity and having paranoid thoughts.

4. Other problems

As has already been said, emotional abandonment, although it is an unpleasant situation, does not have to involve pathology.

Faced with the experience of one of these situations, the person can go through many different feelings, depending on what they have experienced and their personality.

Some people hate themselves, as they see signs that what has happened is due to their fault and, therefore, they believe that they could have behaved differently to avoid it.

Others develop very low self-esteem, thinking that the fact of having been abandoned, especially in parent-child relationships, it is because it is not worth it, that it is not how the other person would like it to be outside.

But the most unpredictable is the feeling of helplessness, especially when the experience has happened suddenly. The person tries to find explanations for something that does not necessarily have to have them, taking her into a loop where it will be difficult for her to exit and, in response, she will fear to enter again A relationship.

Is it possible to overcome emotional abandonment?

Although, as we have already mentioned, emotional abandonment is not a characteristic symptom of a disorder in specific, nor does it by itself allow to diagnose anyone, the truth is that there are ways to treat this trouble.

Although the person who manifests it is socially adapted, emotional abandonment is always something that generates discomfort, even if it is normal. If it is necessary to apply a treatment to be able to confer on the person who demands professional help those tools that allow him to overcome this state, it should be so.

There are several treatments, whether they are focused on people without psychopathology or those who do manifest it, which allow to effectively treat this problem.

The popular Cognitive Behavioral Therapy It has been shown to be effective in treating symptoms associated with depression, anxiety disorders, and PTSD. There is also therapy focused on emotions or emotional regulation therapy, useful in depression.

Dialectical therapy is helpful in addressing the negative and impulsive feelings present in BPD, along with the acceptance and commitment therapy, which focuses on preventing the patient from recalling memories that produce suffering.

Although all these treatments are useful, it should be noted that if a person is feeling that a loved one is abandoning emotionally, the first step in seeing to what extent this is true should be to speak with your self Dear. As long as it is possible, the subject should be addressed, talking about the feelings that are being experienced and if it is due to something that the person who is suffering did did. Sometimes a deep, honest conversation can be the best relationship remedy.

Bibliographic references:

• Eisenberger, Naomi I.; and Lieberman, Matthew D. (2004-7). Why rejection hurts: a common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences 8 (7): 294-300.
• Rosenthal, M.Z., Gratz, K.L., Kosson, D.S., Cheavens, J.S., Lejuez, C.W., and Lynch, T.R. (2008). Borderline personality disorder and emotional responding: A review of the research literature. Clinical Psychology Review, 28 (1), 75-91. doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2007.04.001.
• Coe, C. L.; Wiener, S. G.; Rosenberg, L. T. and Levine, S. (1985). The Psychobiology of Attachment and Separation. Elsevier. pp. 163-199.
• Goleman, Daniel (1996). Emotional intelligence: A new vision for educators. PsycEXTRA Dataset.