'My son does not leave the room': social isolation in adolescents

Among the problems that may arise throughout adolescence, isolation is one of the most worrying.

Many parents suffer from not knowing how to cope with the constant confinement in which their children live. In this article we will review some of the factors involved in this phenomenon that can sometimes cause or aggravate this situation, as well as possible solutions.

• Related article: "The importance of having good communication with adolescents"

"My child does not leave the room": understanding this problem

When children transform into adolescents, parents' concerns tend to change, as a series of new, previously unknown situations arise. One of those that can be generated is the one that concerns us: "my son does not leave the room". This is the problem of social isolation that many young people experience throughout this stage.

In addition, this isolation has the essential component of voluntariness, that is: the adolescent is the one who is deciding to spend most of the time inside her room instead of going outside and doing other activities, or to spend more time with his family.

In order to better understand the implications of the phenomenon that worries many parents (remember, my son does not leave the room), the first thing we should focus on is the own motivations that lead the adolescent to adopt this decision.

Reasons why my child does not leave the room

Below we will explore some of the reasons that lead a young man to prefer confinement in her room over other leisure alternatives.

1. Privacy search

It is obvious that, upon entering fully in adolescence, people begin to have a need for privacy that they did not have before. Children are becoming adults through a very complex and sometimes bumpy process. One of the new qualities that many of them acquire is precisely the desire for intimacy.

Therefore, they create their safe space in their own room, and that is where they feel safe and therefore prefer to spend time. They will go out to get the resources that they do not have in that space. The most obvious is the food. Even if some will even try to eat inside the room.

2. Sexual exploration

When parents worry about thinking, my child does not leave the room, they should not forget that the Adolescence implies one of the fundamental changes in the development of the person, which is the sexuality. Although sexuality has already been manifested in a subtle way throughout childhood, it is in adolescence when it fully develops.

This implies a need for exploration in the person who requires privacy, which reinforces the need to isolate himself in his own room. The young man will need an intimacy to know his sexuality, know his body and discover sexual behaviors as normal as masturbation, which usually begins at this stage.

It is understandable that, faced with these new needs for exploration and intimacy, the young person requires a safe and intimate space.

3. Digital relationships

But there is still a new factor that definitely strengthens the question that my son does not leave the room. It is about the use of new technologies, the flourishing of social networks and digital entertainment.. This phenomenon has also experienced spectacular growth in recent times and has become even more consolidated due to the containment measures adopted during the COVID-19 pandemic.

The point is that, although he is physically isolated in his room, what the adolescent perceives is that he is actually interacting with many people, as it is often the case that most of their friends are in a situation Similary. Each of them is in their own room, but they are all connected through the internet.

In this way, they can talk through social networks, play the same video game together or even watch the same content at the same time. With platforms such as YouTube or Twitch and their possibilities of interaction, the new communicators have displaced traditional media, such as television, in the face of the new generations.

All these factors are the perfect breeding ground to promote isolation. Therefore, when parents wonder why my child does not leave the room, they should be aware that inside of those few square meters that define the room, they actually have a whole social world, thanks to the connectivity

In short, young people are developing forms of communication that their parents did not know during their adolescents themselves, so it is normal for them to feel concerned about these new scenarios, which are unknown.

• You may be interested in: "The 7 types of loneliness, and their causes and characteristics"

The attitude of the parents

The fact that generates concern, the thought of "my son does not leave the room", may or may not be a problem, it is difficult to generalize. What is essential is that the parents' attitude to this issue is appropriate. To do this, we are going to review some tips that could be useful for parents who are in this scenario.

1. Understanding and communication

It is clear that parents, as adults, must work to provide the adolescent with communication channels, although every parent knows that this is not always easy. Therefore, it is important not to forget who the adult is and who should have more understanding and patience.

The adolescent may be overwhelmed by everything he is experiencing at this stage. Therefore, he must know that he will always be able to count on his reference adults (generally, his parents) to be able to share his concerns or other issues. Whether he decides to do it is another matter, but that way must exist.

Thus, the task of parents must be to promote rapprochement and not fall into attitudes that generate greater distancing (constant fights and punishments, unconstructive criticism, etc.). We must always take into account the great sensitivity that is experienced during this stage. The support and guidance of parents will be essential.

2. Limits

Obviously, showing support and understanding does not mean that there are no limits, far from it. But these must be logical, reasonable and if possible consensual, as long as the adolescent stands up to it, which is sometimes not easy.

For example, The use of digital devices in an uncontrolled way can be one of the factors that anchors the issue that my child does not leave the room. In that case, limiting the use of the mobile phone, the computer, the tablet, or the internet connection itself, can be totally logical.

It will be possible to try to make the young person see the objective of said limits and propose alternatives when he cannot make use of these devices, which we will see in greater depth in the next point. In any case, you must perceive that in the coexistence of the home there are a series of rules that everyone must comply with so that the relationships between all are the best possible.

But, do not forget that parents are one of the references of adolescents. Therefore, the example they transmit is essential. You can hardly ask a child or a young person not to spend all day with the computer or mobile phone, when parents do exactly that, in front of them.

• You may be interested in: "Addiction to social networks: the abuse of the virtual"

3. Social relationships

The third and fundamental point, as we anticipated, is to propose alternatives that allow us to turn around the issue that my son does not leave the room. Thus, It is vital to promote social relationships, beyond those they may have through a screen.

The young person can be encouraged to do activities with his friends, and if they are of a sporting nature, even better. You can suggest that you invite some of your colleagues to your home. Of course, parents can also try to organize family leisure activities, but be aware that the adolescent will not always show too much interest, since his references are young people his age.

In any case, the fact that he can count on such alternatives can be very positive, especially if he is given the option that he is the one who decides the activity, even if it is within a closed list, if the parents prefer to limit the alternatives. All of these things will help make my child not leaving the room less of a concern.

Bibliographic references:

• Cohen Imach, S., Caballero Silvina, V., Mejail, S., Hormigo, K. (2012). Social skills, isolation and antisocial behavior in adolescents in contexts of poverty. Colombian Act of Psychology.
• Contini, E.N., Lacunza, A.B., Medina, S.E., Alvarez M, González M, Coria V. (2012). A problem to be solved: Loneliness and adolescent isolation. Iztacala Electronic Journal of Psychology.
• Orleans, M., Laney, M.C. (2000). Children's computer use in the home: Isolation or sociation? Social science computer review.
• Tapia, M.L., Fiorentino, M.T., Correché, M.S. (2003). Loneliness and tendency to isolation in adolescent students. Its relationship with self-concept. Fundamentals in humanities.