Why narcissists try to make us feel insecure

Narcissistic people are known for the kind of relationship they establish with their own self-image.. They consider that the aesthetics they convey, that superficial part of themselves, is something that deserves all possible care so that it fits well with an idea of ​​"perfection" that they create for them.

That is why it is common to find that narcissistic people try to be the center of attention through simpler excuses, and they try to create a mythology of themselves that can be passed down through their circles social.

But there is something else that characterizes the narcissist: tries to make other people feel bad about themselves and have doubts about their potential.

• You may be interested in this article: "Narcissistic Personality Disorder: What Are Narcissistic People Like?”

Narcissism and harmful social relationships

The tendency of narcissistic people to undervalue others in a subtle or explicit way is strongly related to their way of being and their egocentricity; it is not by chance that both characteristics occur at the same time.

But... What exactly is it that makes these kinds of people jump right into reinforcing these kinds of toxic relationships? These are the main keys that explain it.

1. Cognitive dissonance

If anything characterizes narcissistic people, it is that not only do they believe they are worth more than the rest, but they go out of their way to make this belief supported by facts.

This means that, if he senses that an event can be interpreted as something that calls into question the superiority of oneself over others, the narcissist will create a new interpretation of what has happenedor, one that allows you to continue to trust the validity of your beliefs about your own perfection.

This phenomenon by which the clash between two incompatible ideas produces discomfort and uncertainty is called dissonance. cognitive, and we usually tend to solve these kinds of problems in the most sloppy way imaginable, whether we are narcissistic or not. In the case of the latter, they will resolve this tension between ideas by acting as if, directly, that proof of the value of the other had not occurred.

For example, if someone has scored better than oneself on a test, the narcissist may attribute this fact to the beginner's luck (no, you don't have to go to great lengths to construct an alternative interpretation to the evident). Furthermore, you will not only believe in this "new truth", but on many occasions he will transmit it to others. The objective of this is to make this interpretation gain strength and be internalized by your social circle.

Somehow, a narcissist will force reality to fit personal beliefs that he uses to structure his own identity. And if that happens to humiliate others or to minimize the merits of others, he will do it.

• Related article: "Cognitive dissonance: the theory that explains self-deception”

2. Frustration at the lack of special treatment

Narcissists believe they need special treatment just because they are themselves. When they find that others are not offering them the exclusive treatment they theoretically deserve, it is very easy for them to blame others instead of revising their beliefs about your selfconcept.

Specifically, treating others as if they were not worthy of their company in the face of evidence that they do not recognize one's genius is a recurring departure from this class of people.

3. Lack of empathy

Being a narcissist implies having certain levels of empathy significantly below what would be expected in an average citizen. This means that, beyond the motivations that may lead to humiliating and undervaluing others, when this occurs the narcissist has no reason to realize that he has made a mistake.

The simple fact of seeing how it makes it do and says it hurts others is not reason enough to correct certain behaviors. In other words, there will be no compensation mechanism when others are injured: the remorse will tend not to appear or to be very weak, which allows you to continue trying to influence in a way negative in others.

4. Underestimating others is useful

There will always be a part of the population willing to believe the criticisms and contemptuous comments that come out of the mouth of a narcissist. These suggestible people will act as if they really aren't worth much, and will fuel the narcissists' ideas of grandiosity.

Somehow, without realizing it, they will allow themselves to be emotionally vampirized in exchange for the possibility of being around or being able to learn from a narcissist. Actually, believing that one is worth little and that another has the keys to what true empathy is is something that allow a social magnet to exist in some contexts and with certain people. In fact, there are some studies that even show that narcissistic people are more attractive.

Creating a world tailored to your own ego

We have seen that narcissistic people actively construct versions of reality that allow them to continue to believe that everything revolves around their ego. Collateral damages of this self-esteem preservation strategy will not be assessedBecause for this it would be necessary to have a capacity for empathy that narcissists simply do not have.

However, keep in mind that narcissists sometimes make others feel bad, not to make them feel better. themselves, but because from their point of view it is a class of forms of expression are not ways of judging, but neutral descriptions of the reality.

After all, spending the day constructing fanciful explanations about the apparent success of others in certain areas of their lives It would be exhausting, and the narcissistic personality would not exist if at least part of this process was not automatic, unconscious and the simplest possible.