6 manipulation strategies abusers use

I write this article as a tool for the abused person Identify the weapons that an abusive person can use in order for the victim to forgive him or her and resume the relationship.

On many occasions, when the abuser commits the act of abuse, a series of behaviors that can be repeated over time and can be reproduced passing from an individual to other.

When abusers manipulate their victims

I think it may be useful to provide this material to victims of abuse, so that once the aggression has been committed, they bear in mind that this type of strategy can be used by their executioner; this makes it easier to realize that it is actually a modus operandi very common in the profile of abusers, and therefore the chances of preventing these episodes and responding appropriately to them will increase.

1. Anger as an answer

Many times the abusive person is the one who is offended and indignant at being cornered and without arguments to support her defense, seeking with this attitude that it is the victim who ends up assuming responsibility for the acts and apologizing.

2. Make gas light

This strategy consists of making someone doubt her senses, her way of reasoning about her and even the reality of her actions.. The person tries to make the victim doubt himself, presenting false information, denying reality with expressions such as "I did not say that", "that was not how you are telling it" or "do not you remember that you started your?".

The abuser says that things happened that did not really happen with a firmness and security that it is usually very credible, so the victim ends up wondering if what she has experienced has really been like her remember. Suddenly she finds herself thinking "Well, I am, I'm exaggerating" or "I might be right" doubting the facts, her sanity and what she felt. It is a manipulation technique that seeks in the other person the feeling of "I will be seeing things where there are none or I am hysterical". In the end, the annulment of the victim's will is achieved and the perception of his reality is distorted, sometimes to such an extent that it is even the victim herself who ends up asking for forgiveness. Thus, the person who abuses takes advantage of any situation of emotional instability of the abused person to demonstrate her psychological vulnerability: "Do you see how you get over this nonsense?"; "You're crazy" "a psychiatrist has to see you" etc.

Well, one of the responses to this technique may be to write down the details of what happened right after the assault, which will help you to know what the conflict has been like. In this way, the victim will have more compelling reasons to believe her version of her events, even if the other person insists that things did not happen that way.

3. I did it because I love you

Using the concept of "love" As a weapon it is also very common, and with this it is tried to convince the victim that the acts committed have been a consequence of the love felt towards her. "I hit you because I got jealous", "is that of course, I love you so much that I can't imagine my life without you", "if I didn't care so much about you I wouldn't be like that", and so on.

Here you have to be very clear about "who loves you well, will make you love yourself" and put aside the ideas that jealousy, possession and control are signs of love.

If someone hits you, he doesn't love you. If someone makes you feel inferior, they don't like you. If someone abuses you, he does not love you.

4. Hold the victim responsible for the events

Blaming is another of the most common strategies in the profile of an abuser after an assault. Verbalizations of the type: "you asked for it", "it was that you were provoking", "if you already know how I am, why did you tell me that?" They are often used so that the abused person ends up believing that it was she who promoted the situation and that she deserved the consequences.

5. Emotional blackmail

This type of strategy consists of a manipulation in which the abuser threatens the victim with a series of catastrophic consequences What will happen if it does not do what he wants. Messages such as "if you leave me, I'm going to kill myself", "if you don't come back with me I won't be responsible for my actions", "without you I'm nothing", etc... They usually refer to the weak points of the victim and serve to victimize themselves so that, in the end, the abused person feels sorry, sorry or fear and forgive him, because if he did not do it, he would feel guilty.

To act against emotional blackmail we must be very clear about what they are doing to us. I propose to draw up a list with all those threats that we think can be used and memorize it, so that when they occur, one can be aware of the technique that is being used and be able to act.

6. Promises of change

Show repentance and swear and perjure that what has happened will not be repeated and that all possible means will be put to change.

Here we must be clear that actions are what define us, not our words. There is no use promising a change when a behavior is repeated over and over again.

Something very important in all these strategies is time. Do not leave time for them to convince us. If we are clear that the situation is unjustifiable, we have no obligation to wait for them to try to explain their reasons or motives. The more time they are given, the easier it is for our judgment to weaken and for their arguments to gain strength, due to the power they have over us. Abuses do not usually happen from one day to the next, and that is why, when they occur, there is usually a casualty of the victim self-esteem and lack of self-confidence, which the abuser will always use on their own benefit. That is why it is important not to let them develop their manipulative techniques.