The 8 benefits of assertiveness: what are they?

Assertiveness is a communication strategy That allows us to defend our rights and express our opinion freely and clearly from our own and others' respect. However... How exactly is it useful to us in our day-to-day life?

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Learn to say "no"

The assertive person knows how to say "no" and is able to show their opinions and positions clearly (for example, expressing a reasoning in order to justify an idea, a feeling or a request). The assertive person expresses understanding towards the visions, feelings and demands of others. He knows his own rights and defends them trying not to go "to win", but to reach an agreement.

His speech is fluent and confident. Maintains direct eye contact (without being challenging) and a relaxed body position. They also have the ability to openly disagree, shaping their own tastes and interests, asking for clarification and saying "no" when necessary. The feelings that are frequently associated with the assertive person respond to a good

self-esteem, a sense of emotional control and high satisfaction in personal relationships.

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What characterizes the passive communicative style?

The passive person shows little ambition, few desires and principles. He defends others but does not defend his personal interests. The behavior that we usually observe is characterized by a low tone of voice, poor speech and avoidance of eye contact.

The submissive person denotes significant insecurity on the discourse itself (“what he can say is not important”) and his figure in relation to others (“no I participate so as not to disturb "), at the same time that he expresses frequent complaints to third parties (" this person does not understands"). The most recurrent feelings of the passive person are related to helplessness, guilt, frustration, and low self-esteem.

And what characterizes the aggressive communicative style?

The aggressive person excessively defends personal rights and interests without taking into account those of others (sometimes, he does not take them into account, others, he lacks the skills to face certain situations). The behavior that we often observe from this communicative style is a high tone of voice, a speech sharpness, a rapid and hasty pace of conversation, challenging eye contact, and a clear tendency to counterattack.

Some of the thoughts that the aggressive person may present are: "what you think does not interest me, only me matters", "I do not make mistakes", "people should be like me", and so on. Increasing anxiety, loneliness, guilt, feelings of lack of control, frustration, and low self-esteem are feelings that are inextricably linked.

What could the lack of assertiveness be due to?

There are four main causes why a person may have assertiveness problems:

The first cause is observed when the person has not learned to be assertive or has done it in an inappropriate way. The behaviors or skills to be assertive are learned; are habits or patterns of behavior. There is no innate assertive or non-assertive personality.

Assertive behavior is learned by imitation and reinforcement (parents, grandparents, guardians and friends are some models). In the learning of a non-assertive person there may have been systematic punishment for assertive behaviors, a lack of reinforcement to them, or that the reinforcement towards passive or aggressive behaviors has been greater (for example in the case of a passive person who, thanks to their frailty, has received extra).

The second cause appears when the person knows the appropriate behavior but anxiety prevents you from carrying it out. In this case, there is an association with a highly unpleasant and traumatic experience (s) that may have limited or blocked the assertive response.

The third cause is that in which the person does not know or rejects her rights (for example, the result of an education that has made that individual submissive).

And finally the fourth cause we see when the person has irrational patterns of thought (specific mental schemas and associated beliefs) that prevent you from acting assertively.

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Is it related to self-love?

Being assertive helps us to be treated with respect and dignity, to express our own feelings and opinions, to be heard, to know say no without feeling guilty, to make requests, to be independent, to enjoy and enjoy, to feel relaxed and take time to U.S.

The fact of establishing a little assertive communication can cause interpersonal conflicts, frustration, feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, tension, loneliness, and loss of control. With an assertive communication style one solves problems more easily, feels more relaxed, more at ease with yourself, satisfied, and thus more easily get what you want without conflict.

Can we train this habit?

Of course. Let's remember that we are not born being assertive people, assertive behavior is learned. A good way to start being assertive is to use the following phrases when starting a conversation:

• I think…
• My opinion is…
• I would like…

The objective is develop a speech and offer a space when interacting with others in order to allow and allow yourself to be heard.

The benefits of assertiveness

Being an assertive person has a number of benefits. They are as follows:

• Assertiveness allows us to have a greater sense of control over the environment and ourselves.
• Having control over yourself and setting limits improves self-esteem.
• Assertiveness does not seek conflict, but is based on efficient communication and, therefore, empowers the person.
• It improves well-being and life satisfaction and helps to live more rewarding situations and experiences.
• Improves communication between the actors in a relationship.
• Provokes an improvement in interpersonal relationships which is the result of better communication, honesty and sincerity.
• Improves self-awareness and emotional management.
• It allows you to resolve conflicts and prevent problems from being magnified as a result of the non-expression of one's needs and emotions.