Extreme shyness: what it is, causes, and how to overcome it

Shyness is not a bad psychological trait in and of itself. However, when there is extreme shyness, it can predispose us to go through difficulties in various facets of our life.

And it is that extremely shy people have a bit more difficult when facing the social relationships, both in your professional life and at work, and practically to any age.

Of course, anyone is capable of modifying her behavior patterns to control extreme shyness and prevent it from becoming a limiting characteristic. This is exactly what this article is about.

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What is extreme shyness?

Shyness is a psychological trait in which the main characteristic is concern about the evaluations that others make of oneself. In other words, the fear of "what will they say."

Specifically, in shy people there is a pessimistic bias that makes them prone to think that any slightly shrill behavior on your part will significantly damage your image public.

As a consequence, when they have to interact with others they tend to maintain a state of hypervigilance of their own actions, which

generates a certain level of anxiety. In some cases, if the shyness is extreme, this anxiety can damage the person's ability to relate to others in a spontaneous and appropriate way.

Typical symptoms

Obviously, extreme shyness is not a mental illness, although in certain cases it can be part of social phobia. However, it does escape the control of the person who experiences it in their own flesh, and is reflected both psychologically and physiologically.

In general, the signs that indicate the presence of extreme anxiety are the following (in social situations):

• Muscle tension.
• Accelerated heart rate.
• Trembling voice.
• Lack of eye contact.
• Profuse sweating

Causes

Extreme shyness is a multicausal phenomenon, like any psychological characteristic (especially those that refer to our way of relating to others).

In other words, there are many factors that predispose us to adopt extremely shy behavioral dynamics. Among the main causes that come into play we find the following, although they do not have to be present all at the same time in all individuals who present this psychological trait.

• Genetic predispositions.
• A history of problems with anxiety.
• A morally very restrictive context.
• A very competitive context.
• Low selfsteem.

How to overcome it?

Here you will find several tips on how to overcome extreme shyness from changes in daily habits. Yes indeed, it is important to adapt them to each particular case so that they adjust to the needs of each person.

1. Start with an easy social circle

Overcoming extreme shyness is a kind of training: it requires some time, coping with an ascending difficulty curve, and effort. So, Start with something that is challenging but is not an overly demanding task, to progress from there.

So it's a good idea to create a social circle that you have had contact with before (a contact that has not been particularly negative for you). For example, friends of your family members or friends of your friends.

2. Start with small groups or individuals

It is easier to overcome shyness if you come into contact with very small groups, instead of large and very cohesive groups in which it is clear from the first moment that you are “from outside”.

Yes you can, start talking to people alone (not in a group), since although it may be somewhat more complicated to start a conversation, once this is done everything is more fluid, since you will be closer to equal conditions.

So, if you want, at first let the other person talk more and don't get obsessed with saying something every moment; adopt the role of the listener, but force yourself to get out of your comfort zone by expressing your ideas, doubts and opinions; don't keep them for yourself.

3. Look at other people's imperfections

It is easier to understand that others do not have to be constantly finding fault with you if you realize that they too are full of flaws that come up all the time and that everyone (including you up to that point) automatically and unconsciously overlooks. Social interactions are always much more spontaneous than elegant and perfect.

Psychological treatment of extreme shyness

Going to therapy with a psychologist can be of great help to overcome extreme shyness.

Therapeutic approaches to this problem They vary depending on the age of the person, since it is not the same to be a shy child than an adult with serious difficulties in relating to others in their day-to-day lives.

On the other hand, it is always necessary to know the particular characteristics of each patient who presents this source of discomfort, precisely because it is necessary to analyze the context in which he usually lives and to which he has become accustomed (remember that it is a phenomenon with many Causes).

In any case, in psychotherapy the work of psychologists is based on modify the person's beliefs about themselves and about others, but none of this will make sense if, in addition to ideas, one does not act on the objective actions that are customary to carry out in their day-to-day lives.

Therefore, it is also essential to intervene on the observable behavior, that is, the actions that the subject performs about the surroundings: posting reminders and notes around the house, changing their schedule, changing places to go out, etc.

The results of therapy with this class of problems based on personality but also fundamentally in learned stress management patterns they should be noticed in a matter of weeks and a few months.

• You may be interested: "How to find a psychologist to attend therapy: 7 tips"

Bibliographic references:

• Chavira, D. TO.; Stein, M. B.; Malcarne, V. L. (2002). "Scrutinizing the relationship between shyness and social phobia". Journal of Anxiety Disorders. 16 (6): 585 - 598.
• Crozier, W. R. (2001). Understanding Shyness: psychological perspectives. Basingstoke: Palgrave.