How to overcome resentment: 7 key ideas

Emotions can lead us to react quickly to situations that require a urgent response, but, paradoxically, they can also anchor us in the past if we do not know manage them well.

The case of resentment is the clearest example of the latter: through it, a past experience is able to keep us reliving over and over again the feeling of annoyance that we once lived, but that in reality we would not have to be suffering in the present.

In this article we will see several keys about how to overcome resentment, redirect our emotions and stop feeling frustrated for something that no longer has the importance that we give it.

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Overcome resentment, step by step

These are some keys to understanding how resentment can be overcome. Of course, we must not lose sight of the fact that each case is unique and you have to know how to adapt these ideas to the way you live in a specific context and time.

1. Define the reason for your resentment

The vast majority of the occasions in which resentment is experienced, it is directed towards a specific person or group (regardless of the size of the latter).

Therefore, the first step to face this psychological phenomenon is to detect against whom we are directing this hostility. This is something that can be a matter of seconds in some cases, but sometimes it is complex, especially when that against which we adopt negative attitudes is something rather abstract.

In any case, identifying this element will help us undo this hostile dynamic as quickly as possible.

2. Write down the negative consequences of feeling resentful

The main reason you want to let go of resentment is to stop hurting yourself.

It is important to take this into account, since if we do not do it, the paradox will arise that the fact of fantasizing about the humiliation or defeat of whoever we believe has harmed us is something that keeps us submerged in a state that makes us suffer, Way that we give that other person more power over us than they would normally have.

Therefore, stop and think and make a list of the negative consequences of feeling the way you feel when harboring that antipathy towards someone, without forgetting that time is also an aspect to take into account: the longer we prolong this phase, the longer its damage.

3. Assume that accepting is not forgiving

Sometimes forgiveness is practically impossible, or so complicated that the cost of trying outweighs the possible positive consequences in terms of effort and time. So think about the difference between forgiveness and acceptance.

To deal with a person or have them close on a day-to-day basis, they don't have to be our friends, that we can trust her or that we like her. Accepting that some people are not made to have an important role in our lives is necessary to overcome the resentment that in some cases we may harbor against someone.

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4. Don't let zero contact enslave you

Sometimes, getting away from a person is good to overcome the first phase of anger, but this phase should not take too long if we do not want it the negative consequences of seeing our freedom restricted when it comes to moving, it becomes another source of discomfort and resentment.

5. Learn not to take it personally

Not taking something personally does not mean to ingratiate yourself with someone and assume that they did not mean to hurt us. Indeed, the world is full of people who, given the right conditions, can pretend to hurt us, but that does not mean that we should give importance to their intentions.

If we take a distant perspective, we will see that events only matter if we give it to them, and that unless we give prominence to those who offend us, we can make what they think of us or the fact that they try to bother us does not matter.

6. Assume that people are not perfect

Finally, we will save ourselves many moments of anger and resentment if we learn to accept that making mistakes is not in yes reason for us to antagonize someone, even if it has significantly negative consequences for U.S.

Life is not perfect And everyone has moments when their strength fails or when the wrong decisions are made. If that causes us frustration, it is one thing, but it does not imply that we should blame someone for being wrong.

7. Change your lifestyle

Even if we have very valid reasons to be resentful towards someone or a group of people, the one who is most harmed by that situation is oneself.

Therefore, knowing how to overcome resentment is not so much an act by which we value whether we have reason to blame someone for something bad that has happened, as an act to turn the page and focus on other aspects of life that we find more stimulating.

And since it is very difficult to think differently doing exactly the same thing, it is important that you modify certain things in your day to day. New hobbies, new friends, new places... All this will allow you to close a stage of your development and move on to another in which the past does not limit you so much and you can look back without being dominated by discomfort.

Bibliographic references:

• Jeronimus; et al. (Jan 2018). "Frustration". In Zeigler-Hill, V., Shackelford, T.K. Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. New York: Springer. p. 1-8.
• Martin, Courtney E. (2014). "The Violence of Humiliation", On Being, September.
• Reber, A.S., & Reber, E. (2002). The Penguin dictionary of psychology. New York: Penguin Books.
• Szasz, P.L.; Szentagotai, A.; Hofmann, S. (November 30, 2010). "The Effect of Emotion Regulation Strategies on Anger". Behavior Research and Therapy. 49 (2).