37 ways not to hurt myself (emotionally and psychologically)

We are all different, but if I have learned something in the time that I have been working in the clinic, it is that some things are generalized to almost all human beings. Scratching a little, the reasons for suffering usually coincide in a high percentage.

That is why it occurred to me to summarize here what are the main causes of suffering that I observe in therapy, which make us feel bad for longer than we should and with more intensity.

• Related article: "The 10 keys to coping with emotional pain"

How to avoid unnecessary discomfort

By now, almost all of us know that this trip is not a bed of roses, but with some guidelines, perhaps, we can have a hard time just enough and necessary, no more.

Here is a list of psychological self-care behaviors that will facilitate the proper or less painful management of what they call life:

1. Learn to forgive

Forgiveness is not always meant for the other person. I believe, that it is more destined for ourselves. If we forgive, let go, let go, we free ourselves from emotions such as hatred, resentment, frustration... it does not have to be linked to resuming the relationship with the person in question. It's more of an inner peace process.

2. Ask yourself: what is this for?

Every time we find ourselves thinking about something that hurts us, we can ask ourselves: What is this good for? If the answer focuses on being worse and finding no solution, it would be good to change that thought for another that helps us to be more productive or lead us to be able to solve the problem in some way.

3. Things are as they are, not how I want them to be

Important point by which sometimes we insist on changing things that are not in our power. As much as I want to, there are things that are as they are, not as I would like them to be. It would be necessary to learn to separate what I can change from what I cannot. Act with the first, and accept the second.

4. Do not dramatize

This is where relativizing would come in. Give things the right importance, be objective and do not drown in a glass of water. Stop to think if what is happening is as important as what we are giving it.

• Related article: "Self-sabotage: causes, characteristics and types"

5. Accept that not everything has an explanation

Give a thousand turns to something that we will never understand, well because the answer lies in another person who does not want to give it to us, good because it is not in our power, good because it has happened like thisí (for example a death in an accident). Accept that we will not understand everything. And learn to live with it.

6. Not anticipating a catastrophic outcome

Most of the time we suffer for things that in the end do not come to pass. But our head has already invented a very tragic endingSometimes the worst possible, and we have lived it as if it were real, forgetting that all that suffering, even if it is imaginary, hurts us. And sometimes a lot. We should learn to take care when it comes, if it comes, and stop worrying so much.

7. Letting go of ballast: letting go of everything that wants to leave

Throw away what no longer works. Make gap. From time to time it is basic to look at what we have around and realize what is left over. Only then will we be able to remove stones from the backpack that we carry, and the less weight, the freer we will be when walking. Practice detachment from things, situations and people.

8. Accept yourself

Carl Rogers used to say that only when I accept myself can I change. To be able to carry out this point, an exercise in introspection is necessary, which is to know oneself, how we think, how we feel, how we act. Only by knowing who I am, and accepting it, will I be able to change what I don't want in my life.

9. Not wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you

Many times, the source of suffering comes from trying to be with someone who does not love you. Here, accept that others have other feelings Although we would like to, they are not the same as ours, it lightens and shortens the grieving process.

10. Set realistic goals

Set achievable and possible goals, to avoid the frustration that is generated when we do not get to where we want to go.

11. Perfectionism

Understand that there is no one or nothing perfect. That each one of us is special and different, and that As long as our goal is perfection, we will not enjoy the process and we are going to collapse every time something does not go as we think it should.

12. Not guessing what others think

Acting believing that what we believe others believe is an absolute truth, without appreciating that perhaps we are getting confused and others do not think as we think they do.

13. Do not procrastinate

Leave for later what you can remove from the middle, makes your mind busy thinking you have something to do, and that you cannot enjoy 100% of what you are doing.

• Related article: "Procrastination or the "I'll do it tomorrow" syndrome: what it is and how to prevent it"

14. Not taking it all personally

Do not think that the whole world revolves around your navel and that all the decisions that others make have to do with you. If someone laughs at the next table, perhaps it is because something has amused him, he does not have to be laughing at me. When we think that everything is against us, perhaps we are the ones who are.

15. Develop empathy

Knowing how to put yourself in the place of the other and see his reality through his eyes, not ours. This helps us understand others and facilitates personal relationships.

16. Adaptability

Darwin said that the most intelligent being is the one that best adapted to the environment. Being able to understand situations and live them in the best possible way within our means, save a lot of suffering.

17. Take care of the way we treat ourselves

Realize the way we talk to each other. Language is very important when it comes to evaluating ourselves, and many times the verbalizations we make towards ourselves are far from being loving, tolerant and realistic. Self-criticism comes in handy as long as the result is an attempt at improvement, not a constant self-checkout from which nothing productive comes out.

18. Don't expect others to act like you would

Many times we see ourselves saying "I would not do it like that", as if others had to do it the same way we would do it.

19. Ability to transform

Realize the power we have to transform the lives of others and therefore our own. Be aware of how important small gestures are and the impact of it.

20. Do not act when we want, waiting for others to do so

Waiting for third parties to make decisions for us, without thinking that we have the power of our lives to act. For example, not calling a person, hoping that they will be the one to make the first move. With this, I keep my life on hold and lose power over it.

21. Do not punish yourself

Be more fair and tolerant of yourself and allow yourself to fail without causing a disaster, without extreme self-demands. In this type of thing I always ask "if it had happened to a friend of yours, would you be so hard?", And the answer is almost always a resounding no. If you wouldn't treat anyone so cruelly, why would you?

22. Select the battles to fight

Many times we get into trouble from which we are not going to get anything and which only lead to mental exhaustion that we can avoid. There are discussions that we already know from afar that we are not worth it. As they say out there, sometimes it is better to have peace than to be right.

23. Take decisions

Sometimes we don't take them, either out of fear of being wrong, or out of fear of the consequences. Making decisions makes us have power over our lives and that we feel like it.

24. Flee from jail what will they say

That our life revolves around what others can say about us, gives third people power over our life. Therefore, anyone can harm us. Accept that we do what we do there will always be those who criticize us, and stay true to ourselves favors self-esteem, security and confidence.

• You may be interested: "The 50 best phrases about self-esteem"

25. Take error as learning

Understanding mistakes as a way of learning, rather than as a model of defeat, which makes us evaluate ourselves negatively and globally based on that failure.

26. Know how to withdraw on time

We have the wrong idea that to retire is to lose, when sometimes knowing how to see when we have to go and say goodbye, is the greatest of victories. Staying where we are no longer happy or where we are not wanted is to lengthen the agony.

27. Put limits

Learn to indicate to others how far they can enter our personal space. Knowing how to say "up to here", "enough", and above all, learning to say "no", without leading to feelings of guilt.

28. Cherish the present

Learn to live in the here and now, since it is the only thing that really exists. We cannot modify the past and the future may never come, and spending the day in one or the other makes us lose what really matters: what is happening.

29. Manage fears

Understand that being afraid is normal and adaptive, but that letting ourselves be paralyzed by it takes away our freedom and causes us to live a life that we do not want to live. The fear of the unknown, of failure, of change, of loneliness makes us stay without moving in a place where we are really not being happy.

• You may be interested: "The 16 types of fear and their characteristics"

30. Do not insist on reaching where you can not

As much as we want to, sometimes we have to be aware that there are things, situations or people with which we cannot do more.

31. Expectations

On many occasions we believe that others have characteristics that we have given them and that they have to act that way. When this does not happen, we are disappointed. One source of liberation is accepting others as they are.

32. Say what we think or feel

Everything that we shut up and hurts, stays inside, accumulates, and ends up exploding in some way that stains everything in the form of: depression, anxiety, etc. Therefore, it is necessary to be able to defend ourselves against injustices, express our criteria or what we are feeling.

33. Knowing how to accept a no

Understand that not everyone has to be at our disposal and that as free beings that we all have the right to be able to say no. And this goes in all directions. Many times, we find it difficult to understand that they reject us, we feel hurt and we engage in an internal struggle to be able to cope. Accept the decisions of others, even if they are not the ones we want, is another way to show respect.

34. Knowing that you can't always be happy

Happiness is not something we can always control. Sometimes, it's time to suffer. Life offers us situations that we would never want to experience, but it is what we have to do. Therefore, understand that sometimes, there is no choice but to learn to manage negative emotions, makes it easier for us to handle bad times in the best possible way.

Knowing what will happen, like the good ones (so it is recommended that when we are well, we are aware that we are in order to enjoy it as much as possible). And try to develop resilience (the ability to emerge stronger from adverse situations).

35. Do not put others before

Believing that others are more important than us, always thinking about how to please by leaving us in the background, feeling guilty when we think of ourselves ourselves because we believe that it may seem wrong to someone, explaining to everyone about what we do or do not do, giving them power over our lives Y allowing them to get into our privacy and privacy, makes our self-esteem dwarf.

36. Do not leave our happiness in the hands of others

Believe that we will be happy when someone listens to us, for example. Without understanding that happiness is not outside, but inside. Obviously, I will be better if I achieve the things I want to achieve, but thinking that others are responsible for making me better, makes me disengage.

37. Not focusing on what you lack instead of what you have

Compare us, losing almost always. Never be satisfied. Do not allow ourselves to enjoy what surrounds us, because we look for what is not there.

Learn to take care of yourself

I advise, from time to time, to review the list to be able to see in which aspects we have improved and in which we still have work to do. And expand it with anything that occurs to us, that is taking away our freedom.