Adolescence and pandemic: what to do to avoid being overwhelmed parents

If, in general terms, parenting is a complex activity, we know that the adolescent stage involves a series of complications that, in times of pandemic, can still be aggravated by leisure limitations and restrictions that some families try to impose.

The first thing we can point out is that risk perception is subjective, that is, each person can perceive and interpret hazards with a subjective and personal scale that may be very different in some cases and in others. It seems that the adolescent stage is characterized by having a low awareness of risk in the face of supposed dangers.

It is also very important to say that at the present time there are many young people who have absolutely responsible behaviors and are aware of not endangering the elderly or those who may be more vulnerable to a COVID-19 infection, but this is not the case in all the cases.

This perception of risk can generate family conflicts when imposing norms, schedules and contact limitations on social groups Of relationship. Therefore, it is important to generate a dialogue supported by arguments, including data, to accompany the norms or criteria that are intended to be imposed.

• Related article: "The 3 stages of adolescence"

Parenting Adolescents in the Context of the Pandemic: How to Set Limits?

It is important that we bear in mind that adolescence is a stage in which there is usually a tendency to vindication, rebellion as a way to achieve autonomy and differentiation from parents. Boys and girls of these ages need to experience their own decision-making and rebellion to a greater or lesser extent of the rules that they want to impose. Although this trait is expected, it is convenient that it occurs within acceptable limits.

To propose some aspects that serve as a guide to families, we are going to detail the factors that are important to take into account when establishing effective criteria and guidelines within the family.

1. Coherence and congruence between what is said and what is done

Sometimes it is intended that an indication of the type "what you have to do is ..." is followed, but the Adults behave differently and with arbitrary criteria that are not the same as those required. This weakens the arguments is a clear invitation not to comply with the demands since it diminishes their importance. If the fathers and mothers do otherwise, a comparative grievance is created since their guidelines are based on the power they believe they have towards their sons and daughters.

2. Make a common front

In many families, it is well known which of the parents is more strict and who is more permissive, or there is a well-organized strategy of distraction that allows that, while mom and dad argue to agree, the kids get away with it, because of that “a troubled river, profit of fishermen ”.

It is very important that there is a common front, that there is the necessary dialogue between parents, without transcending the details and only the result is communicated with respect to the agreed permissions.

3. Explain the rules from responsibility

It is important that the rules are followed and followed, and this is often easier when understood.

Explaining the reasons, arguing the decision is usually an element that helps to comply with and understand the criteria, in addition to moving them away from an arbitrary or capricious decision.

4. Proportionality in consequences

When the time comes to impose a punishment, sanction or limit rights, due to a failure to meet any of the criteria, it is important not to get carried away by the impulse of anger righ now.

It is not good to jump with a barrage of punishments, sanctions and limitations, in full anger and boiling with anger, so that, after a few hours or days, you back down and not even half of what has been said is fulfilled.

This variation of criteria also takes away authority from fathers and mothers, makes them appear inconsistent in front of their adolescents, and weakens them. It is better to take time, think about it, agree on it between father and mother and communicate it jointly and calmly. Also, it is better to pose the idea as consequences and not so much as punishment.

• You may be interested in: "Mindfulness for New Parents: How to Manage Stress"

5. Presence of both parents in dialogues of important or significant situations

This aspect is similar to what we have explained before, but not exactly the same. It is necessary that some decisions are communicated jointly, whenever possible, because this gives them the importance and forcefulness necessary for it to be perceived in this way and prevents the effect of trying to find the gaps in the particular points of view of each parent.

6. Understand without attacking and without being vulnerable

This point needs to be expanded further. We cannot impose any criteria or norms on our adolescents without showing the capacity for empathy and understanding. and, at the same time, without attacking or belittling them.

Respect is not only a basic ingredient, but a primary ingredient in any human relationship. Respect cannot be expected if respect is not shown, hence it is essential not to attack, insult, or belittle. It is better to understand and empathize, but without doubting the norm that you want to establish and without showing doubts or vulnerability.

Concluding

It is clear that these elements are not an infallible recipe, but we are incorporating essential ingredients to manage to improve the effectiveness of communication and education and avoid feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of this great homework. Take heart with it!