Can I be being a toxic person?

There is a lot of talk about toxic people, referring to those who negatively influence their environment and those around them.

It seems relatively easy to identify them, although it may not be so... What if you were a toxic person and you are not aware of it? Let's see several considerations and reflections in this regard to know how to approach this issue.

• Related article: "Pessimistic personality: what 6 traits characterize it?"

Are you worried about the possibility of being a "toxic person"?

Despite what we have just explained, I think it is important to make a clarification and it is not to talk so much about toxic people as toxic behaviors.

This is necessary to clarify because it may happen that someone is having a streak of toxic behavior directed towards others, without implying that it has to be a person always toxic. On certain occasions, when we are overcoming a significant life problem (a loss, a addiction, a time of various changes, etc.) and we feel unbalanced, in a situation of vulnerability, we may be acting in a way that is difficult for our close environment.

Our first conclusion is that, rather than talking about toxic people, we will talk about toxic behaviors or toxic behaviors. The difference is also supported by the danger of labeling people, since when someone is told “you are... ”Is being placed a burden that costs a lot to get rid of and that conditions many behaviors in the future, since those mandates end up justifying behaviors; "As I am such a thing, I behave accordingly."

We are not always aware of what we cause in others and, as if this were not enough, we also tend to attribute to others the lack of empathy or understanding for some situations that bother us, hurt us or seem unfair towards us person. The awareness that we are going through a bad streak or an intense emotional difficulty, will allow us to realize this and face the deficiencies that we detect.

Personality traits associated with toxic behaviors

At the base of toxic behaviors we find some personality traits such as egocentricity or narcissism. Both traits are not the same. The self-centered person tends to think that her needs and interests are more important than those of others. As a general rule, as we develop as human beings, egocentricity decreases, since it is usually very present in childhood and even adolescence.

The narcissistic person has a great need to feel the approval and admiration of others and it is very difficult for him to empathize with what others feel; they can come to feel superior to others, and these appreciations translate into behaviors that are difficult to bear.

The tendency to victimization is another indicator of acting towards others in a toxic way. This happens because, on many occasions, the victimizing behavior brings direct or indirect benefits to the person who exercises it. It is the case that the events suffered become the letter of introduction of that person, in a claim for permanent attention and care and may exercise emotional blackmail towards otherss.

Closely related to this behavior would be the permanent pessimistic vision, or constantly putting oneself in the worst that can happen. The tendency to wait for negative events to occur and for their consequences to trigger more negative aspects is a tendency of toxic behaviors.

It is a frequent learning that we give more value to the bad than to the good that surrounds us, focus on the negative because it tends to attract more attention and, in this way, we develop a tendency towards self-lamentation, some helplessness or generalize towards the negative with expressions such as "everything goes wrong", "I can't do anything to avoid it ”. This pessimism is harmful because it generates stress, frustration, a tendency to depression, lack of assertiveness and other consequences that can be toxic towards others.

Another aspect that may be present is unhappiness more or less frequent, clearly related to pessimism and the tendency to victimization. Unhappiness is nourished by that catastrophic vision, of putting in value the bad things that happen and feed the belief that we can do nothing to be happy, when what we have to live is so negative. Unhappiness favors complaining that it is a highly toxic attitude towards others, and also distrust, which produces the same effect.

• You may be interested in: "The 3 differences between narcissism and self-centeredness"

How can we correct our own toxic behaviors?

The first step is to realize it, make us aware that we are generating discomfort in the people around us and assume it from the responsibility, not from guilt.

Responsibility allows us to make changes in behavior, it encourages us to undertake improvement or correction actions. It is essential to change the focus and strive to find something good in our life, which there is. Learn to open perspective and broaden focus to see beyond.

In many cases it will be necessary to ask for helpher, both to people in the immediate environment and to a specialized professional. We will have to learn to accept the limits that place us in the face of these toxic behaviors and admit that this is also a way to get help. Be that as it may, it is necessary to face it, not run away waiting for the bad streak to pass and the matter to resolve itself. That usually doesn't work.