How to forget an impossible love, in 5 steps

Experiencing impossible love is one of the most frustrating and painful sensations through which the human being can go. If reciprocated love can make you tremendously happy, impossible love can turn your life into a real ordeal, especially if you meet that person often, whether at work or at the Gym.

The pain of an impossible love It can be so strong that it can lead to a depressive state if you do not change a series of habits that are detrimental to your emotional balance. In this article you can find some tips to overcome impossible love and get out of this harmful situation.

The chemistry of falling in love

Falling in love is a complex phenomenon in which both biological and cultural variables are present. When we are attracted to someone, our brain changes and a series of reactions take place chemicals inside, especially in the area of ​​reinforcement, which makes us change our perception of the world. The chemistry of love or infatuation alienates us, hijacks our attention, makes us obsessive, and can lead to become depressed if we cannot consummate this strong feeling or impulse, being able to turn our life into an authentic hell.

Consummate love makes us feel good because it causes our brain to release dopamine, serotonin Y oxytocin among others neurotransmitters Y hormonesThat is why we feel excited, full of energy and our perception of life is magnificent when we are with our partner.

But when it is not possible to have that person with whom we want so much to be with us, the chemical cascade descends and causes serious problems for our emotional stability. For example, serotonin levels drop, which is associated with depressive and obsessive behaviors, just as it happens when we stop consuming a drug to which we are addicted.

• To know more: "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug.”

The Romeo and Juliet Effect

It would be perfect if we fell in love and just unleashed our hearts, because consummate love makes us live unforgettable moments. Unfortunately, relationships are not always that simple, and in some cases, conflicts can cause let's end the loving commitment we had with what we considered to be the most important person in our life.

At other times, love is simply impossible because the other party has a partner or is going to live on the other side of the world, which makes this love unfeasible and unfeasible. The truth is that, regardless of the reason, impossible love can hurt us if we do not adopt a series of strategies that allow us to face this situation in the best possible way.

Experts affirm that when we feel the feeling of falling in love and we cannot be with that person, what is called “Romeo and Juliet effect”, and far from fading away, the feelings of desire, impulse and need to be with the loved one are increase. This is also known as "attraction to frustration", and that is why secret loves are so successful. Apparently, the Romeo and Juliet Effect causes the secrecy of a relationship to act as an aphrodisiac.

Tips to overcome an impossible love

And it is that heartbreak is not a linear process, but there are ups and downs. You can feel better for a week, but when you see that person or have contact with him or her again, you collapse again. Impossible love can be a painful situation and, therefore, can negatively affect your well-being and your mental health.

Surely you ask yourself: "And what can I do in these cases?" You will find the answer to this question if you keep reading the following lines, where it delves into a series of tips to overcome impossible love. So pay attention, because your emotional stability is at stake.

1. Get away

In any process of heartbreak, if what you want to forget, it is necessary to stop having contact with your love object. Every time you see that person (or remember them) your brain reinforcement circuit is activated, eliciting the neurochemical cascade of falling in love again.

In reality, love acts almost like a drug, which means that it makes us tend to detect aspects of the present that remind us of that person, although apparently they have nothing to watch. Many things that we perceive refer us to those memories, based on real or imagined events, and thus we started to get frustrated for not being able to go back to those times in which we did not experience the pain of loss. So you have to fight this vicious cycle by avoiding "exposure" to that person.

That does not mean that you can never see it again, but it is necessary that the brain circuit is weakened, and for this it is necessary that a more or less long time passes until it occurs. The time required depends on many factors: your self-esteem, the social support you have, the past experiences you have had, etc. So be patient, because it can go a long way, although the degree of serenity that is achieved makes it worthwhile.

2. Accept it

This kind of love is, as the name suggests, impossible. It is not easy to accept it, but although this statement sounds harsh, this is part of life. Surely you cannot prevent impossible love from hurting you, but what does depend on you is your attitude towards this phenomenon and how long you want to remain anchored in suffering. To move on and overcome it, you have to accept it, otherwise, you will only be avoiding facing reality.

3. Tell someone

If you feel like you're having a hard time getting over it and pain has taken over your life, you don't have to keep it to yourself. Obviously you should not go singing it to the four winds, but you can tell a good friend about it so that he can give you his support and be there for you in the most delicate moments. This will help you release some of the pain and allow you to have someone you can trust.

4. Go on with your life and love yourself

It is important that you do not obsess and paralyze yourself. To overcome this situation, it is necessary that you continue with your life, set goals that fit your own desires and fight to achieve your goals. You must give meaning to your life, because if you are not happy with yourself and you do not fight to be so, you will hardly be able to overcome it.

To do this, it is even convenient that you do things that you do not feel like doing but that you know that in the long run you will do well, such as socializing more, exercising, etc. The idea is to keep you going.

5. Seek psychological help

In some cases, the person who feels an impossible love sinks, coming to live really paralyzing and problematic situations for their own health and quality of life. There may, for example, be a self-esteem problem or a basic social skills deficit that does not allow you to get out of this emotionally draining situation.

If you have tried to overcome it on your own and you see that you are not making progress, you may have to go to psychological therapy, so that a mental health professional gives you the possibility to know and develop different tools to improve your wellness.

• Related article: "The 8 benefits of going to psychological therapy.”