Excessive concern for others (causes and solutions)

That we worry about other human beings (your partner, family, friends, children ...) is a natural consequence of being human. We are social, affective and emotional beings, and to weave ties with others is part of our nature.

However, when that concern conditions your well-being to such an extent that it distresses you or is excessive, the situation is not so pleasant. Why is this happening? For what is this? And above all, how to solve it?

• Related article: "The 7 types of anxiety (characteristics, causes and symptoms)"

The problem of excessive concern for others

Excessive concern for others can be defined as an anxiety-related state of mind in which your well-being depends on where others are or how it affects you.

As others are a factor that you cannot control, this concern ends up being a problem, which is also accompanied by rumination (intrusive and constant thoughts), fatigue and discouragement. Here's a possible surprise: this problem is repeated and in all areas. We are going to see the causes, relationships, and above all, the solution to this through your own personal change (which is the only thing you can work with directly).

Causes

First of all, it is important to differentiate between the possible ways in which concern for others can manifest itself. Tell me which case you identify with (even if it is from home or from your mobile; You can tell me by email).

Excessive concern for the welfare of the other

When you need others to be okay because you even consider that the well-being of others depends in a certain way on you (This can happen with the children or also with the partner if we live the relationship from an anxious pattern). This type of excessive worry could be defined, rather, as "excessive worry for fear of the other's discomfort".

Excessive worry for fear of what they will say

When you are concerned about what others think, feel or do in relation to how you have previously behaved. This leads us to a difficulty in communicating assertively, being able to express your limits (what you want, what you think, what you can, and of course, what you don't want, what you don't think and what you can't or do you fancy make). This situation makes you feel that others are conditioning you too much

Excessive worry about guilt

When do you think something you did could be a problem for others, you worry, you inquire and you try to find solutions to the unknown.

• You may be interested in: "What is fear for? What is fear for?"

Where is the problem then?

In any of these cases, which are different in principle, we find a point in common: a state of anxiety, guilt, insecurity and fear. Yes, at all times they are about emotions that make your well-being not depending on you, but on others, and this is an external factor that you cannot control.

Before continuing I leave you all the information in this article in a video where I explain it to you personally. So you can choose the format that you like the most. Hit play!

Emotions are not a problem, but your way of understanding and managing them. That you care about others, and above all that you take care of others (to the extent of your possibilities and responsibilities) is a natural attitude of the human being (the opposite, that is, not making an effort to help others, would be even more problematic and worrying). That worry exceeds your limits makes your well-being depend on what you cannot control, which leads to a spiral of anxiety, anguish and frustration.

Anxiety leads us to ruminate on thoughts, to inquire and to worry more. An anxious state is still a state of alertness, of fear that has become widespread. Insecurity and fear make you wonder about possible repercussions, about how much you could be responsible or what you could do more. Frustration and discouragement is also a natural consequence of trying to solve what is not in your hands.

Solutions: concern yes, human and possible

The solution is in learn to understand and manage those emotions so that, while you help others and consider them, your well-being depends mainly on you. This helps you set clear boundaries, know where your responsibility ends (that is, where you can't really do anything because it depends on decisions or difficulties of the other), being able to communicate assertively, and generate well-being in addition to building more positive and balanced.

Fear, insecurity, even frustration, are necessary emotions in their proper degree. The key is to understand them and know how to manage them so that they are functional and feel them in their right and proper degree.

I'm going to make a special proposal now. On empoderamientohumano.com You can find an option to schedule a free first exploratory session with me (via WhatsApp) to get to know us, explore your situation, discover the problem, find a solution and see how I can accompany you. You can schedule it without problem (but only if you have a real commitment with you to do your learning and overcome this difficulty forever).

Thank you very much for thinking of you, Rubén