Psychological keys to overcome a couple breakup

We live in turbulent and turbulent times, we have a long season in which our lives have been surprised due to more or less intense changes that have posed an unprecedented challenge in the adaptive capacity of many people.

We are not going to compare suffering or situations of discomfort, since there are people who have lost a loved one, or perhaps more than one; Others have lost jobs, social status, friendships, or any other relevant issue in their lives. But one of the losses that has increased in this special context has been that of the couple's relationship.

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The process of elaboration of the discomfort before the couple breakup

The first aspect to consider in a romantic breakup is precisely this idea of ​​loss. As a consequence of this, a process of duel, with its typical phases that must be elaborated and overcome. The phases of grief, according to Elisabeth Kübler-RossThey are denial, anger or anger, negotiation, depression, and acceptance. These stages do not develop in a sequential and orderly manner, but can be understood as a model for the management of pain and loss that each person is going through. Other authors add some more phases in the process such as confusion, guilt and recovery as a moment of solution and overcoming the rupture.

When a couple breaks their relationship, there can be many possible scenarios, from which we discover that moment as an acute crisis in which it is responded in a forceful and drastic way, even which is presented as the result of slow and prolonged wear in which there are no longer credible options of Recovery.

In between we can find the disloyalty of one of the members of the couple towards the other, interference from bad habits that fill someone's patience, or a myriad of situations that determine relationships personal.

Either way, the first feeling that many people have is that the break dismantles their world, their safe and known universe, and they may come to think that they will not be able to move on or cope with some tasks or challenges, from daily routines, to the organization for the day to day, going through family responsibilities, to name examples. The idea of ​​"I will not be able to carry on", "I will not be able to carry it all", "It cannot be that this is happening to me ”, is accompanied by confusion, doubts, bewilderment and, perhaps, despair. Few times at the time of the breakup is it believed that it will be a process that leads to something better, greater internal calm or new opportunities to consider life.

We are not going to go into the difficulties involved in the whole process of negotiating the breakup, not because they are not important, which they are clearly, but because of what it would involve extending into something that could be dealt with in another Article. What is important is to face that moment, working on detachment and considering that personal well-being must be prioritized to get caught up in the idea of ​​loss.

In many ruptures the idea of ​​guilt appears, both for the behaviors that have been had throughout the coexistence or the relationship, as by the very decision to leave him, and even by the very first decision to choose that person as partner. Despite the importance of those reflections, They are not very useful thoughts and only serve to feed the phase of depression or anger.

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Psychological keys to overcome the breakup

Let's talk about actions we can take to soften the negative consequences of the breakup as much as possible and buy some time for acceptance and reestablishment.

The first thing is to strengthen healthy and correct habits and routines; It is a basic but absolutely fundamental principle to take care of food and rest, and to do some physical activity. Even if it costs to sleep or eat, you have to insist on it and, if necessary, go to professionals.

The following could be put priorities in order without neglecting what you need and what is truly important to you. You may not be in the habit of doing it, but it is time to dedicate some time to it and raise things that were relegated to another moment. Redefine yourself as a person, identify your principles and values ​​and decide how to honor them so that they are present in your life.

Look for social and friendship relationships, look for more, try a new activity or recover something that interested you before. Avoid isolating yourself and feeding feelings of loneliness and abandonment. It may be difficult, but insist, because persistence is the basis of many successes in life.

Learn to trust yourself more, to realize that you are the most trustworthy person for you, you will always be there, for the good and for the bad. And, if you want, if the time comes, re-open yourself to the possibility of meeting another person with whom you can feel special moments again. It may seem difficult to you, but it is not impossible, you just have to work on it and you can do it with professional support. Go ahead.

Are you looking for psychological help?

If you think you need help to successfully cope with the process of recovering from a breakup, it is essential that you turn to mental health professionals as soon as possible.

In psychotherapy sessions it is possible to learn to overcome patterns of behavior, thinking and management of emotions that lead us to stagnate emotionally or directly feed the problem. To take action as soon as possible, start a psychotherapy process, either in person or online.