My child is afraid of sleeping alone: ​​what to do?

Although it sounds a bit strange, you can also learn to sleep! And, like other behaviors, it is also a habit, essential for the development of the little ones. Thus, it is important that children learn to sleep alone, in their bed.

Now, in many families there is a concern that is repeated over and over again: "What if my child is afraid to sleep alone?". In this article we answer these and other questions, and we give you guidelines to face this challenge, keep reading!

• Related article: "Fear of Sleep (Hypnophobia): Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment"

My child is afraid of sleeping alone and it worries me

During childhood, and in the middle of the development stage, children learn a series of habits and behaviors that will gradually reinforce their autonomy. Among these habits we find the fact of sleeping alone, since this behavior is also learned.

Ideally, from a young age they learn to sleep in their own bed; that is to say, since babies, they should have their own crib, and parents get used to always taking them to sleep in it, and not in their own (of the parents).

Although it is true that when we educate we must also be flexible, and that sometimes, the boy or the girl ends up sleeping in the parents' bed (because it is sick, have nightmares, fears, etc.), this should be specific acts, since the longer it takes to sleep 100% in your bed, the more difficult it will be for you to get used to it thereto.

Thus, sleeping alone is a habit of autonomy that is learned over time, and parents should take an active role in this good practice.

The fact that the child gets used to sleeping in her parents' bed, can lead to the following problem: being afraid of sleeping alone. Luckily, it is something that can be worked on, and that is why in this article we will see a series of guidelines so that your child ends up sleeping alone, in her own bed and without fear.

• You may be interested: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

Guidelines to encourage sleeping alone in childhood

For our child to lose the fear of sleeping alone, we must apply a series of guidelines at bedtime, which promote her autonomy and reduce her anxiety.

1. Establish a routine

Children, like adults, need routines and guidelines at bedtime (sleep hygiene), as this, In addition to facilitating sleep, it will help us to enhance the autonomy and safety of our children when it comes to sleeping alone.

Thus, the ideal is that they get used to sleeping in their own bed, and at the same approximate time. If they come to our bed, we must accompany them to theirs, as many times as necessary.. Ideally, we don't get into debates or discussions with them. Before, we must explain it to you clearly (next point).

Routines help reduce children's anxiety, to structure their day to day and their time. What should the routine before going to bed include? Some ideas are: cleaning your teeth, a story or a song, a hot shower, a glass of milk, pampering, etc. All this will help us to educate the dream of our son / daughter.

2. Explain things well

Depending on the age of our son, we will have to adapt our language to your understanding; In the event that he is already at an age to reason and understand, we will explain to him that he is old enough to sleep alone, and that he cannot sleep in the bed of father and mother (or one of the two).

We will explain to him that, in case he comes, he will have to go back to his bed (accompanying him or not, depending on his age).

3. Sleep in the same place

Although this guideline would also be part of the routines, we include it here because it is an important point. A) Yes, the ideal is that our son has a room and a bed in which to sleep (always the same), and that we avoid unnecessary changes, as this would make the process difficult.

4. Take care of environmental conditions

The room should be quiet, without disturbing noises, and the bed and mattress, appropriate to your age, height and weight. In addition, the temperature must also be controlled (a room temperature, not too cold and not too hot).

5. Reinforce him when he sleeps alone

Another very important aspect is to reinforce all those nights in which the child has been able to sleep alone, especially the first ones (after a while it is no longer necessary). Thus, we can reinforce it with a compliment, a hug, a gesture, a small award, etc.

At what age to sleep alone?

After all that has been said (or even before), the following question may arise: From what age is it recommended that our child sleep alone?

Although each child is different, and you will have to be flexible with it, the truth is that after 3 years, the ideal is that the child already sleep alone and autonomously (without having to go to the parents' bed at midnight or directly sleep with they). The fact that this process is delayed, could hinder the autonomy and safety of the child and that it may acquire a certain fear of sleeping alone.

What to do when faced with nightmares?

Children often have nightmares or night terrors, a different sleep disorder than nightmares. This can give them some anxiety and fear of sleeping alone, and it is totally understandable and normal.. However, our role as parents should be to reassure them when this happens, but not to become an obstacle to sleeping alone.

The goal is for the child to learn to overcome these fears and to "tolerate" nightmares if they occur. In addition, there are also techniques to treat nightmares or night terrors, such as Imagination Rehearsal Therapy (Imagery Rehearsal Therapy) (IRT), widely used for nightmares.

On the other hand, when the child wakes up screaming or crying because he has had a nightmare or night terror, we can go to his bed to reassure him, but preventing him from coming to sleep with us (especially when the child begins to "be older").

Consequences of (not) sleeping alone

The fact that our child does not learn to sleep alone, or this stage so necessary for her development is delayed, can have a series of negative consequences for her well-being. These affect the development of it, and go from emotional dependence on parents (excessive), to insecurities or difficulties in developing other tasks that promote her autonomy. We not only have to take into account the negative consequences of our son sleeping (still) with us, but also the positive consequences of the fact that he sleeps alone in his bed.

In this way, by educating in the dream we also educate in autonomy, and we promote aspects as important in their development as: self-esteem, security, independence, etc.

Bibliographic references:

• Rodríguez, AS & BR García. (2005). Sleep habits in the well-child checkup. Bol Pediatr, 45: pp. 17 - 22.
• Newman, BM, Newman PR, Villela, XM, Perez, RR. (1991). Child psychology manual. Mexico: Science and Technology Editions.
• NV Sirerol, IK Amin, TM Rodríguez, CS Frutos. (2002). Sleep habits in children. Annals of Pediatrics, 57 (2): pp. 127-130.