Conflict Resolution: Crisis or Covert Opportunities?

When we talk about conflicts, we can be referring to an endless number of everyday situations in which the interests of one party collide head-on with those of the other. That is the great certainty of the conflict, that is, that there are two or more stakeholders who approach a certain situation from different perspectives. Here is the problem.

Why is it a problem in itself to approach a conflict from different perspectives? Following this question, I think the answer may be more or less obvious. We will hardly reach points of agreement if we do not go in the same direction. This is the key to conflict resolution.

• Related article: "Conflict psychology: the theories that explain wars and violence"

Types of conflicts

As soon as we stop to think, we could put examples of all kinds. The student is angry with his classmates because they do not get involved in the assigned tasks, at the same level of demand. The master or housewife, feeling the fatigue of picking up again and again the disasters that the members of her family make. The boy who is disappointed in her friendships because she expected them to do for him, at least what he would be willing to do for them. The football school coaches who think differently about how to run the school. The children of that retired marriage who urge them to enjoy their existence more, even doing things that they do not even want. Or the couple who can't agree on the name they will give their future child. The young architect, who maintains a fierce dispute with herself regarding her abilities, skills and / or worth. In short, conflicts, conflicts and more conflicts.

We could determine around this type of conflict, different levels or gradients of subjective importance, because When we fall into conflict, the dimension of it can cloud our perception, since other types of underlying factors come into play. The main ones are those that we will see below.

1. The search of the truth

One of the most common, perhaps, is the conflict that occurs in terms of the possession of the truth, assuming that the position opposite to ours is by contrast a lie. I remember a photo of a dress that became very popular, which perfectly illustrated this conflict. Before it, there were those who perceived the dress of a certain color, compared to others who perceived it from another, paradoxically all being right. And in real life it is no different. There are few certainties that can settle the aforementioned debate, mainly those related to the field of the exact sciences or of the verified facts but normally we move, in general terms, much more in the field of interpretations.

2. Empathy

Another version of this shortlist would be the classic “I'm right vs. you're not right ”, what evidence a great absence of empathy, especially when we hear it in a cafeteria in relation to the skills of a Portuguese or an Argentine, of one team or another or with respect to a certain political position. When we express ourselves from opinions, preferences and personal tastes or prejudices (giving it less rigor if possible), it is too sterile an effort for the possible reward.

3. The judge: innocent and guilty

We find another prototypical conflict in the causal attribution of guilt that occurs when errors or accidents are committed. Normally, we express ourselves in terms of self vs. you / others, as a way of exempting ourselves from the discomfort that would result in being guilty. But the more time we spend identifying the culprits, the less time we have to fix the error.

4. Self-confidence

The last of the usual conflicts that we will analyze here is the classic conflict of trust, in which we express thoughts, in the form of beliefs. that predispose us to consider whether "I am or I am not" capable, or in another of its variants, of whether "I can or I can not" change or face a certain situation. Again, as if it were any other of the conflicts evaluated, we are faced with the vain paralyzing dynamics that keeps us in doubt, hindering our progress towards the objectives that we really yearn for.

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Conflict resolution: integrative proposed synergies

For the resolution of any type of conflict, a series of aspects are essential:

First, know how to identify the common objective that can achieve the unification of positions. In the case of married couples that divorce and have children, it could be to identify as the common good of both, their well-being.

Second, it is essential to adopt a favorable predisposition for the assumption of improvement commitments by the parties, that is, stop looking for culprits to analyze and assume the responsibilities of each one that contribute to overcoming the conflict.

From the identification of general objectives and the assumption of responsibilities, we will be at the disposal of build the necessary bridges or integrative solution proposals, rather than in a position to demolish the arguments or positions of the opposing party, because we will have identified ourselves as two parts of the same thing, the conflict. Solving it will then be the main objective.

A conflict is difficult to resolve if one of the parties feels aggrieved, as they will keep their resentment or discomfort for the future, possibly generating worse consequences. It is important to generate a feeling of mutual gain, the "win to win" that English speakers say, to favor the commitment of the parties when it comes to solving the conflict.

If we are able to internalize these approaches, perhaps we will renounce the discomforts derived from traffic fights, empty discussions or internal debates, managing to generate coordinated efforts in the form of synergies between the different managers of the conflict.

If all of it offers us the possibility of getting closer to our goalsWill they be a crisis or will they be opportunities for improvement?