Toxic families: 4 ways they cause mental disorders

One of the most important social institutions are the families, as constitute the fundamental nucleus of socialization and enculturation of individuals, especially in the first years of life.

This makes psychologists, who take care of ensuring the emotional and psychological well-being of women, people, we pay close attention to the different interpersonal relationships that develop within the families It is not only the personal characteristics of individuals that matter: it is also necessary to lend to the relationships they establish, especially if they are carried out in the family. That is why the issue of toxic families It is so important.

• Recommended article: "The 8 types of families and their characteristics"

Families that generate mental problems

The family is not only important to educate children and promote their learning, but it also generates a series of habits and dynamics that are of great interest due to their influence on children. mental disorders that can be generated in any of its members. In fact, psychology carefully observes and studies the ways of organizing in society, and the family, of course, is one of the most important elements.

There are many types of families. Large families, families with only two members, structured families, unstructured, happy, apathetic, violent... it depends a lot on the personality of its members and, of course, on the circumstances. In addition, each family (in the case of children) has its own educational styles: there are more democratic and more authoritarian, there are more open and liberal and also more closed and waterproof. The family bond that is established between parents and children is key and will greatly influence the personality, beliefs and mental health of the child.

Some dysfunctional family relationships based on overprotection, abandonment, violence or projection have been widely studied by psychologists to establish links between these ways of relating and the appearance of some psychological illnesses and psychiatric.

The taboo of psychopathology in the family nucleus

When psychologists treat these conflicts and problems in families, it is common for us to receive all kinds of criticism. We live in a culture where the family is a closed institution. The members of any family are very suspicious of an external person evaluating and trying to change dynamics and habits, because this is experienced by family members as an intrusion to their privacy and their most deeply rooted values. The family can be dysfunctional and be creating mental problems in its members, but it is still difficult to carry out therapy without encountering reluctance and bad faces.

There are some preconceptions that distort the therapist's work: “Everything has to stay in family ”,“ The family will always love you well ”,“ No matter what happens, the family must always be united ”. They are phrases and ideas deeply rooted in our culture and that, although apparently they speak to us of unity and brotherhood, they hide a distrustful and suspicious look before anyone who can contribute an objective point of view on these dynamics and family relationships (even if it is with the noble intention of helping).

This conception of the family causes a lot of pain, unease and hopelessness among people who have the feeling that their Family members have not risen to the occasion, who have not been by their side unconditionally and offering them support. In extreme cases, such as having suffered some kind of mistreatment, the negative consequences for emotional well-being can be serious.

Not all families are nests of love, trust and affection. There are families in which situations of permanent stress are generated and in which one (or several) of its members causes discomfort and suffering to other member (s). Sometimes it can be harm done unintentionally, without malicious intent, and at other times there may be factors that actually lead to hate and violence, physical or verbal. In other cases, the problem is not so obvious and is more related to the educational style used by the parents or the "contagion" of insecurities or problems from one member to another.

Toxic families and their relationship with the mental disorders of their members

It is not the intention of this text to point out the mistakes of fathers and mothers, but Yes, it seems appropriate to try to shed light on some myths and cultural misunderstandings that cause some families to be a real disaster. Coexistence within a toxic family is absolutely devastating for each of its members, and this has consequences direct with the appearance of certain psychopathologies associated with having to deal with high doses of pressure, stress and even bad deals.

We are going to know a total of four ways in which toxic families contaminate some of their members, potentially causing mental and behavioral disorders.

1. Labels and roles: The Pygmalion Effect and its dire influence on children

All parents, on occasion, have put a label on our child. Phrases such as "the child is very moved", "is embarrassing" or "has a bad character" are a sample of sentences that, Although we adults do not realize it, they are causing a strong emotional impact on our children. These phrases, said a thousand times in the family environment, end up seriously affecting children.

Although we do not want to give it importance, these labels affect the child's identity, how he perceives and values ​​himself. Although the child may not really be embarrassing, hearing that adjective repeatedly from people in his family, whom you admire, set a precedent for how you should behave or act, according to the expectations generated. This is what is known as self-fulfilling prophecy or Pygmalion effect, as the role or label that adults have imposed on the child ends up becoming a reality.

For this reason, putting a label on a child is a way of contaminating her behavior, instilling in her certain essentialist ideas about how she is or how she stops being. These labels, to top it all, are easy to propagate and are often repeated to exhaustion by teachers, friends of the family and neighbors, becoming increasingly enchanted in the close environment of the child, which aggravates the trouble.

2. Loves that kill

Many fathers and mothers use a recurring maxim that they always repeat to their children: "No one is going to love you the way we do." This phrase, although it may be largely correct, frequently makes many people who have felt unloved in their lives family environment assume that, in some way, they have no right to feel bad, since everything their family did was “because of their well". This, in extreme cases, it can lead to underreporting of abuse or maltreatment.

We must begin to redefine brotherly love in a healthier way. The love of a family is obvious, but there are misunderstood loves, Loves that kill. Sharing genes with someone is not a reason for someone to believe they have the right to harm, manipulate or coerce you. Being related to someone has to do with sharing a genetic and biological load, but the emotional bond goes way beyond that and the first is not an indispensable condition for the second, nor is it the cause. People are maturing and learning which family members have our affection and affection, and this is not something that is written in the family book.

Laying the foundations of family relationships based on respect is the first step towards a better understanding of our identities and spaces.

3. Overprotective parents

One of the most difficult tasks for parents when educating their children is maintain a balance between establishing norms and habits of behavior and loving and pampering the little ones in the house. In this case, extremes are not advisable, and while some parents are negligent and neglect their children, others are overprotective and are too on top of them.

This parenting style is not positive at all, since the child does not face social or risk situations controlled by the overprotection exerted on him by his parents, with which he does not live the experiences necessary for him to mature and face his own challenges. Under this learning style, most children become somewhat more insecure and unemployed than others. Children need to explore their environment, of course with the support of an attachment figure such as the father or mother, but overprotection can damage their learning and self-confidence.

For the child to develop and explore the world around him independently, it is It is necessary that we offer support and help to the child, but this attachment should not be confused with excessive control.

4. Desires and insecurities projected on the little ones in the house

Being a father is not only a great responsibility but also the obligation to care for and educate a human being, in all its complexity. Nobody is obliged to have children, in our societies it is a personal choice that can depend on multiple factors, such as financial stability or the ability to find an ideal partner, but in the end it is also a decision that we make very personal.

If we take this into account, having children can be planned and therefore we must take responsibility for it. Children should not serve as a way to fix relationship problems, nor to feel respected by others, much less a way of transferring our frustrations and unfulfilled desires to another person.

All parents want our child to be the smartest in the class and the best at sports, but we must avoid at all costs that they carry the pressure of our desires. If you were a second division soccer player in your youth who could not become a professional because of an injury, do not force your son to have to be a professional soccer player. Trying to compare or pressure a child to be what you want him to be not only leads him to a situation of emotional vulnerability, but also can lower your self-esteem and restrict the free development of his personality. Let him make his way and decide for himself, give him your support and the necessary advice, but do not project onto him what you would have wanted to be.

Bibliographic references:

• Ackerman, N. (1970). Theory and practice of family therapy. Buenos Aires: Proteo.
• McNamee, S. and Gergen, K.J. (1996) Therapy as a social construction. Barcelona: Paidós.
• Minuchin, S. (1982). Families and family therapy Buenos Aires: Gedisa.