The gaze of a mother and the maternal role

The importance of the maternal role in the first moments in which we are born is essential, although many times it goes unnoticed.

To understand how important it is in our lives, it is worth examining what happens during the stage in which it plays a role in the protection, education and proportion of affection to the most little ones.

What is the maternal role?

The maternal function in babies is understood as the desire to provide physical and emotional nourishment to infants.

Not only is it necessary to perform the care related to physical well-being (food, shelter, toilet, cleaning, rest ...) but also It also involves benign or positive affective stimuli. Children who are devoid of these affective stimuli often die from the condition called hospitalism.

Positive affective stimuli

Benign or positive affective stimuli are those that are born innately from the desire to love that new creature. They have to do with the sweet and soft tone of voice, the smiles, caresses and hugs, and the constant look into the eyes of the other.

Many times mothers who contemplate their children "lose themselves in the gaze of their loved one, and their loved one is in the gaze of their mother." It is important to mention that for biological reasons mothers tend to have it easier when it comes to achieving a greater emotional bond with their children. Therefore, they fulfill the maternal function more spontaneously.

However, the maternal role can be assumed by anyone who has the emotional disposition and skills necessary to show affection.

The need for affective contact

A baby is that human being totally dependent on the care of others. She is a creature with innate tendencies to growth and development, but at this moment she is part of the bond with that maternal figure, who will allow her to continue with her own development.

At first, the maternal role is limited to providing shelter, support, protection, safeguarding him from dangers and covering her physiological needs, as well as her emotional needs. It is a process that mothers learn to manage while breastfeeding their children; hence the affective importance of understanding the importance of breastfeeding.

The value of breastfeeding

When mothers breastfeed their children, they initiate a warm bond (mother-child) sustained by looks, caresses, gestures, tone of voice, care ... In this bond a kind of complicity is generated between the two; In this way the mother learns to know the needs of her little one in the minimum calls for attention that he makes. That is, you can easily distinguish a hunger cry from a sleepy cry, as well as knowing with a simple glance from your child if he is sick.

It is a special psychological condition that mothers develop during the weeks after birth. Emotionally, her baby is still a part of her, and therefore, she shows great sensitivity to what the baby expresses.

Babies learn to recognize their mother's face in the most pleasant moments that they experience at the beginning of their lives: breastfeeding. Feeding and looking at the mother's face allows them to create that relationship of unity where the mother reflects what he means to her.

The mirror of the gaze

The gaze that takes place as part of the maternal function is the first mirror where the child begins to differentiate and to react to the other, since he realizes the response generated by her presence in the other; hence the importance of giving back the constant gestures, movements and sounds that the child emits, since it is the moment that she begins to discover herself as a person.

At this time the child depends on "the look", the presence, the care of that maternal figure. They are the first steps towards the healthy construction of selfconcept, self esteem and security, and if there are anomalies in this phase, developmental and behavioral problems may appear. Some disorders that occur in adult life can be rooted in these types of faulty attachments made during the first six months of life.

Breastfeeding in the current context

Unfortunately, nowadays mothers have extremely limited possibilities of providing this type of bonding with their babies, or they are unaware of the importance of "looking" and transmitting security and tranquility. They assume lactation, guaranteeing only food. For example, while breastfeeding, you usually talk on the phone, check Facebook, read the newspaper... Your attention is on other things.

Sometimes, breastfeeding is also assumed as the mother's right to breastfeed, assuming a position of triumph in favor of women when in the social sphere they are allowed or provided spaces to do it comfortably in public without censorship some. In both cases, it is important to remember that you cannot make the mistake of assuming it only as a mother's right, It is the child's right to be looked at, pampered, cared for, felt while he is feeding.

The evolution of maternal function

As the child grows "emotionally" he begins to discover his own needs to explore the environment. This dynamic begins with behaviors such as thumb sucking, looking at objects, acquiring better and greater postures, mastering your body, throwing and holding objects, etc.

Move confidently toward better dependency. The child is attentive to her environment, receptive and willing to capture sounds, movements, textures, etc.. Therefore, he begins to detach himself from the mother's gaze. This process lasted from six months to three years.

Favorite toy

In this stage, It is usual for children to acquire an object, call it a blanket, pillow, pacifier, or simply a toy. The little ones need this object to alleviate the anguish of separation with the relatives and to be able to start exploring the world.

It is the first belonging they acquire, it is "almost sacred" for them and accompanies them everywhere, regardless of their status. It may smell bad, be dirty, damaged, torn, discolored, but that object contains everything necessary to detach from its mother and feel safe in new spaces.

It is recommended to maintain that child-object union. Generally, you will only be able to detach yourself from the object of it when it is linked to the feeling of security. Sometimes parents ask if they can wash it or change it for a new one, but it is important to clarify that for the child it is very important to keep the one that chose and feel sure that he is within her grasp, that is, do not make derogatory comments such as: “See how ugly you are, don't be filthy, Let's change it ”. The object means for the child a source of security that goes beyond what we as adults can understand.

Hiding

He finally he begins to hide from the mother, he plays to disappear or to make her disappear; it is the beginning or the first steps towards independence. The first games are started secretly; the child explores the world but with the security of being able to return to his place of comfort: The arms of the person who protects him and gives him affection.

Is in this moment both the baby and the mother must be prepared to assume this first separation safely and calmly; without pressure or limitations. The mother must provide her child with new relationships and possibilities to understand her environment. From now on, the child will be ready to start the facet of the game, where he finally does not need the "look of his mother", concentrates in large spaces playing in his own world and incorporating the participation of other children in his journal to live. He is prepared to continue and develop as an independent and emotionally stable being.