Emotional blackmail: a form of manipulation in the couple

The emotional blackmail and the handlingUnfortunately, they can be common in couple relationships, but also between friends and family. The emotional blackmailer acts in her best interest, blaming, making the blackmail victim feel uncomfortable and fearful.

According to Susan Forward, author of the book Emotional Blackmail, emotional blackmail is "a powerful manipulation weapon with which people close to us threaten us, directly or indirectly, to punish us if they do not get what they want."

Causes of emotional blackmail

The causes that lead a person to be a blackmailer are many. For example, low self esteem, which can cause an individual to be constantly looking for confirmation of your partner's love and causing demonstrations that the other person will not let you.

The narcissistic people and with Borderline Personality Disorder They can also carry out constant emotional blackmail with their family, friends and partner. This is a way to reaffirm and consolidate your personality.

The fear of abandonment by the victim also favors the blackmailer trying to adopt a position of power over the victim, in a situation that can be quite similar to that of the victim.

emotional dependence. On the other hand, people who have been victims of emotional blackmail from an early age, or individuals who have been "spoiled" and "overprotected", are more likely to adopt a manipulative personality. The latter have a low tolerance for frustration and, furthermore, have become accustomed to having everything they want. Something that can affect your interpersonal relationships.

Sentimental blackmailer strategies

The sentimental blackmailer you can use different strategies to achieve your goal. Through the power he knows he has over the other person, the blackmailer “turns the tables” and takes advantage of the victim's vulnerability.

To do this, it can use psychological strategies (more or less consciously) such as those presented below:

Self-punishment

The blackmailer uses phrases like "If you let me, it's not worth living alive". In this way makes the victim feel guilty and permanently obliged not to question the foundations of the relationship.

The penalty

The person who blackmails use threatening phrases like the following: "If you do that, don't blame me if I let you". In this way, he makes the other person feel constantly tied to "correct" behavior patterns, thereby ensuring his freedom and her personality.

However, this is one of the less subtle forms of emotional blackmail, and for that reason it is not as dangerous as the rest, since it is relatively clear from the beginning what happens. However, in certain contexts a very abused person may not be aware that these are threats, due to their emotional investment in the relationship.

The silence

The emotional blackmailer creates a negative relationship environment, as he can show her anger through silence. This makes the victim think that the "bad weather" situation is their fault. It is another way to make the blackmail victim feel guilty.

In addition, this form of blackmail is powerful because it uses passivity so that the victim becomes obsessed with what is happening because of her confusion and misunderstanding.

Victimism

Emotional blackmail too includes victimhood. An example can be the following sentence: "If you go with your friends, I'll be alone and bored".

• More about victimhood in this post: "Chronic Victimism: People Who Complain of Vice"

The promises

Blackmailers too they are experts in making promises that they never keep. For example, "If you give me another chance I will show you that I can change". This type of behavior can be an alarm signal, since it is one of the typical behaviors in the cycles of intimate partner violence.

The blame

Making the partner feel guilty for their own wrong behavior it is one of the most used strategies. For example: "I am aggressive because you provoke me" or "I've been unfaithful because you don't give me enough". This is another sign that can alert us that a situation of psychological abuse.

Protect yourself from an emotional blackmailer

Many times it is not easy to recognize that a person is being blackmailed. The emotional price that sentimental blackmail causes is very high. For example, the loss of a being you love, or feeling ashamed or guilty for allowing yourself to be manipulated.

The blackmailer is a skilled person who knows how to manipulate and, at times, may seem (or say) that he is very much in love with his partner or you can justify her behavior in a thousand different ways, but the consequences on the victim's well-being can be very negative. What's more, the blackmailer is not necessarily a bad or perverse personIt may be his emotional instability that leads him to act that way. Therefore, you must be aware that each situation is different and assess it calmly and serenely, but also firmly if you have to make a decision.

Now, since in emotional blackmail there are two actors, and the behavior of the blackmailer, the blackmailed person can work on himself to stop being a victim of manipulation emotional. Work the Emotional intelligence, self-esteem or practice Mindfulnessare some of the tools that can be useful in this situation and will help the victim to empower themselves in life.

Serious or potentially serious cases of emotional blackmail

In severe cases of emotional blackmail, the affected person may need to psychological help to overcome the situation and recover from the emotional wounds caused.

Talking with friends and family, and going to a psychology specialist, are important to regain emotional well-being of the person who has suffered emotional blackmail for a long time.